Taking a break from therapy

After about a year and a half of therapy, I think I'm going to take a break. My T. and I had another rupture around my transference and me finding out a co-worker is seeing her now. She again mentioned referring me worried that the transference is too difficult for me (or something like that). I haven't shed a tear. Maybe in shock?

I've thought all night about this and have decided to take a break. I see her again in 2 weeks. Right now, I plan to send her a text this time next week that I would like to discuss a long break at my next session. I want to see how I feel after not seeing her for a couple of months. I'll either be worse or better.

My life is not perfect but it's fine. Work is fine, marriage is good, kids are good, relationships are good. A good friend of mine said I'm a much better person and that I am good at relationships. I just don't go deep and want to. But, everyone has their issues. I will always miss having a good mom and want more but perhaps seeing my T. is causing this issue to stay alive.

What if therapy is keeping issues that would normally pass much more active in my life? For example, I cried most of last week wanting a mom I don't have and support. After that I was ok. But, I kept the issue in my head and "alive" until I could see my therapist again to tell her about it. If I didn't have someone I was saving the issue for, maybe it would have taken a back seat much earlier in the week.

It will be really hard but I've got to give it a chance. It will also help me decide whether to stay in therapy and see someone else, see if it will work with current T. or decide I don't need it right now. Maybe without therapy, I'll focus more on my family and less on what I'm not getting.

So, I may check this thread for a few days but I think I'll try to stay off PC for awhile. I've put away my therapy books and plan to read the Love Languages of Kids. Thank you for all of your support!

Good luck. I have always found breaks very useful.

I hope it goes well. I hope your can tell her how much you are hurting before you decide to take a break.

If you still decide to---You will be missed on PC but we understand!!!

I think it is a good idea. I did much better emotionally and physically after I was abandoned by my therapist because I actually became engaged in real life again. I stopped being wrapped up in the pain and despair that therapy was causing me. I wish you the best.

Good luck! I hope it helps you. I'll miss reading your insights on here, but I get wanting to take a break from this forum if you're taking a break from therapy. You should definitely come back and report on how it's going after a few months.

I wish you the best and hope it helps! I've found breaks helpful in the past.

My break won't start for a few weeks. I've also realized that I compare my T. to some of the more available/emotional T's on here. That's not helping me either. I know what she can't give me but then I know other T's give more. While I've thought about switching T's, I'm not sure I even need "more".

So, I think I won't be able to really think about what I need if I have influences from here and books. I need to decide on my own. Maybe it will help to take a little control of my therapy/life vs feeling like therapy drives me.

What was the typical length of your breaks?

It is hard to compare therapists when you aren't getting what you need in life or in therapy. That is a good realization that you are keeping topics alive to speak to your therapist about it. You will have to let us know how things go, how you are doing.

6-8 weeks

I wish you luck. Maybe a break might help you. It has been two weeks since I have seen my T and I have another two weeks before I see her again and I feel so much less attached and my transference is WAY lower than ever. I am not taking a break in therapy but this time has changed my feelings some. You know I have that longing for a mom as well. If you ever want to chat you can PM me anytime.

I found that the only thing that cured my lovesick transference was getting away from my therapist.

First couple of weeks were a little rough, but after that, all got better.

I think you are making a wise decision.

I've adjusted my plan a little. I plan to cancel my next two sessions as they approach if I am doing ok. If I do that and leave my last session in tact, then that will be almost a 7 week break. I'm not going to tell her of this plan but it will be a good test to see if I can do it and how it affects me. Of course, this is the plan today. Tomorrow may be different but I need to try.

I'm really thinking that therapy is keeping my mom issues alive and without it, I would have "buried" the issues months ago. So, I'm harming myself. I'm wanting my T. to give me what I know she can't, it reminds me of what I'll never have and I stay upset. If I'm not seeing her as much I won't have those feelings as much.

Thanks for all the support!

Please, try not to compare your therapist with the reports of others who report nurturing, mothering therapists. A couple weeks ago, I asked my therapist about all these attachment stories I read about. She said that some approaches, like re-parenting, are why she delayed becoming a therapist (I guess it was popular in the 70's and 80's). I said that it doesn't sound like it ends well, and she said, "It doesn't end."

Your therapist sounds like she's looking out for your interests here. I hope the break does you good and that you can get back to therapy (or not) with the focus on your life.

It's been 10 weeks since I last saw T, and it will probably be about 4 more before I have another session. I definitely needed a break, and I am starting feeling ready to start doing the hard therapy work again.

I agree that she's trying to look out for my interests. I just wish it was on my timeframe or my decision. So, I'm somewhat taking back control and seeing if I can do it. I don't want to go to my next session and announce my plan. I'm concerned she will cancel my appts and I want to keep them in case this doesn't go as well as I hope. Plus maybe it will be a little easier knowing I have those sessions if I need them. Day 1 and I'm excited so far. A little longing pangs but nothing like in my past.