Homework

<font color="green">My therapist gave me homework this time, I am to write to my dad about how I felt when he was gone on cruises with the Navy and how I felt abandoned when mom divorced him. I can barely write this here! I adored my daddy and I miss him so much, he died when I was 19. I feel so sick right now – panic attacks, nausea and all just roiling around inside me while tears fight their way out. I feel like I am choking and my heart pounds so hard. I don’t want to do this.

My therapist said this was important for me to do, that it is probably what I need to do to really heal. She said that she would know I was done with therapy when I could tell her I was angry with her but I don’t get angry with her! I just get more and more fearful. I don’t want to do the letter. I dunno if I want to get well – cos then I won’t need therapy any more and then I won’t need my therapist any more and I NEED HER!
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I can understand about a part of you not wanting to get better because you will no longer need your T. I just wrote that in a letter to my pdoc. It is difficult, but it is reality. I don’t think my T or pdoc would abandon me—part of being well would me I was ready to put some closure to the relationship. It does not sound like you are ready. That is something you need to talk about with your T—the feelings you are having.

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dalila said:
<font color="green">I feel so sick right now – panic attacks, nausea and all just roiling around inside me while tears fight their way out. I feel like I am choking and my heart pounds so hard. I don’t want to do this....

I don’t want to do the letter.</font>

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It sounds like you are not ready to write the letter! Could you hold off until you feel more ready? Please take care of yourself and don't let your T pressure you to do this until you are able. You set the timetable, not her.

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<font color="green">My therapist said this was important for me to do, that it is probably what I need to do to really heal..</font>

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Within each person is the knowledge of what they need to do and where they need to go in order to heal. It is for you to discover and decide what you need to heal. Your therapist is your guide and companion on your healing journey. But don't let her tell you what you need. Only you know. She is supposed to take her cues from you.

If this were me, I would pull way back and discuss some process with my T.

Hang in there, dalila.

sunny

This letter thing.... I had to do that... write a letter to my dad.. tell him what he did to me.. howI felt about the abuse.. etc.. it was sooo hard.... than when I did it.. she read it.. she wwantedto read it to me. i said no way.. lol.... than she had me read it to myself each week fr homework.... it's all aprt of exposure therapy.... it's real hard... real real real painful.. this the anxiety.. the heart pounding, nausea.... etc... your therapist know this is ahrd and expects this to happen .... sorry you have to go throigh this.. it sucks.. sorry my spelling sucks.... medications.... safe hugs