[AnxiousandAlive124]

I've recently started up therapy after a 2 month long break. I'm glad to be back and ready to work on myself more. Prior to the break, my therapist whom I trust deeply suggested that I try out a clinic for anxiety and depression, and I most recently decided to commit to a program there (6-7 weeks). She believes I’m struggling in our therapy right now (with good reason as I know I had been stalling and half-assing therapy hw) and I’m starting to believe I need an extra push at this time too now. Thing is is that I trust this woman and I want to ultimately stay in therapy with her, I am doing this program for me, but also in part to prove that I am serious about therapy + am willing to make a couple important changes, so I can start progressing again with my T when I return 
I realize I became headstrong about certain things like medication, but I’ve realized I truly need it at this point in my process since my depression is a beast lately and since my anxiety stems biologically. Looking back I think I acted out and didn’t need to take such a defensive position. She had only been trying to be helpful, I was too busy trying to make my point talk therapy doesn’t depend on medication. (Which it doesn’t, but it wasn’t necessary).
What I am saying, is that my perspective has changed and the last thing I want her to think is that we can’t continue because it would be useless or something. I believe in my heart of hearts that isn’t true. My question is do you think taking her suggestion and showing her I’m going to do the program and land that job I’ve been talking about for awhile will get her to realize my outlook has changed for the better? She does plan on me coming back to have a follow-up appt after being at the clinic, and she never said she couldn’t continue to work with me.) No longer will therapy be put on the back burner. I refuse to go back to see my T until I have a job secured, I’d be too embarrassed otherwise lol. Does this sound like a solid plan?

Your plan sounds okay, but there is something about the way you talk about it that I'm not sure about. It very much sounds like this is what your T wants, or what you think will satisfy her. I may be wrong, but it kind of feels that your therapy is focusing on what your T thinks is best for you. I don't know what kind of therapy this is. But for me I want my therapy to be a place where I can be me, I think that a relationship of acceptance and understanding will help me more than my T taking the lead on goals or an action plan. I know we all need different things, so maybe your Ts approach is helpful for you?

[musinglizzy]

In a way, we're kind of in the same boat. Kind of. I have been struggling and not "entirely present" in therapy for several months. But I want to be able to move past this and continue working with my T, provided we both learned a hard lesson from our experience. I have had a hard time talking and staying engaged during my sessions, and although it is my belief that sometimes half the work is just showing up, I do worry about my lack of words being perceived in a way that I don't care, or don't want to get better, or am not taking therapy seriously, so I just made a move to prove that I DO care, and DO want to get better. My T has been suggesting these mindfulness courses, and shares the new rotation with me when they are Emailed to her. Cost (and just committing to that amount of time) has kept me from doing it. Well, she let me know of the newest courses last week, and forwarded the Email to me. I'm feeling frustrated by my "stalling" in therapy, and feeling no better emotionally in a year and a half since I started, so figured I needed a bit of a boost myself. So, I decided to fork over the money and sign up. (My T has taken several of these courses herself....she is not involved in putting them on...it's actually put on by a large health care provider). It's a 6 week course, but I wanted to try to help jump start myself, step out of my box, and maybe even BETTER myself. But I also wanted to show both my T and myself that I am committed to "feeling better," and am taking steps to do so, to the point of making a time and financial obligation to wellness. I've been spinning my wheels for too long, it feels like, and I think this might be a gentle push I need. Although the course I'm taking has me a bit nervous, as it's focused on some triggering thoughts for me.

[Bipolar Warrior]

To me it sounds as if you feel you must prove yourself to your therapist by showing her that you can handle things on your own. Is that it? Because if that is the case, I would like to know what exactly makes you feel that way. Why would you find it embarrassing to see her without having a job? Why do you have to prove to her that you are serious about therapy? Isn't you showing up for your sessions proof enough? And shouldn't she want to help you work on yourself precisely because you are struggling with it? If she can't do that, why is she a therapist?

I'm not actually attacking your therapist here, or you for that matter. I just think it sounds like you are way too hard on yourself, and if you ask yourself questions like the ones above, maybe you could start to think about things differently. Your therapist should want to help you, and I'm sure she does (if she doesn't, you should find someone else). She should want to be there to help you through whatever problems you are facing, not expect you to solve them before you come to see her again.

It's your therapist's job to find out why you are struggling in therapy, and to figure out how to make it work. Everything you have written is admirable, and of course you should still pursue all those things if that's what you truly want, but I see no reason why you can't also see your therapist whilst going through that process.

You sound a bit like me when I stopped going to my singing lessons. I wasn't practicing my pieces between lessons, because I was depressed and didn't have the energy or motivation for it, and then I felt guilty for repeatedly showing up without having practiced. So after a while I just stopped going, because I felt like a complete waste of her time, but what I didn't realise was that by not going at all I was definitely not going to improve. And actually, she still wanted to see me. She told me that even if I wasn't practicing between our lessons I should still come and sing with her for an hour until I felt like practicing again. At the end of the day, my teacher is there to help me, in the same way that our therapists are there to help us when we are finding it difficult to help ourselves.

You should feel like she wants to help you because you need it. That is all. But again, I do admire everything you are saying about wanting to change your life!

[PinkFlamingo99]

I think if it were that easy maybe we wouldn't need therapy. Sometimes I feel like I needcto try harder to act like I care enough about myself or to trust her that things are not my fault and only need to hear it once or twice (or three times maybe???) just becsuse I am frustrating. Sometimes I try extra hard to not hurt myself and follow my meal plan so she knows I'm trying. Actually I have told her that the only readon Zi didn't cut a few times was because I didn't want to tell her. So I get it.

But putting that kind of pressure on yoursekf to get the job seems like way too much. It doesn't sound like you're finctioning all too well right now and it seems like a huge, scary condition to place on yourself. Does she pressure you abt this or does it come from you?

My new therapist keeps telling me it's not my fault when I fail at things (like taking time off work and grad school) because I'm unwell and I need to be kind to myself. Nobody ever told me that before and it feels amazing. Please be kind to yourself, you don't need to "earn" help you need.

[AnxiousandAlive124]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

Your plan sounds okay, but there is something about the way you talk about it that I'm not sure about. It very much sounds like this is what your T wants, or what you think will satisfy her. I may be wrong, but it kind of feels that your therapy is focusing on what your T thinks is best for you. I don't know what kind of therapy this is. But for me I want my therapy to be a place where I can be me, I think that a relationship of acceptance and understanding will help me more than my T taking the lead on goals or an action plan. I know we all need different things, so maybe your Ts approach is helpful for you?

Well, she thinks i'm struggling, which i also believe i am AT THIS TIME. I think she is trying to be helpful, it's not as if she threatened abandonment if i didn't follow the suggestion. But yes, i don't really want to do the program, but i've realized this may be helpful in getting me "unstuck" as we proceed with therapy. My T's approach has been helpful for the most part, if there is something that bothers me, i would raise the issue. I just feel like I messed up and i'm afraid that i'll lose her