Do you think I crossed a boundary?

I saw my T today after almost 3 weeks. I had a good session (talked about my H). On the way out, I looked on a table that's in the hallway. There are interesting flyers there; the building has other Ts also so not just my T's stuff. I saw a postcard with her name advertising an art showing--her art. I realized I was going to drive right past the little restaurant where her art was displayed, on my way home.

I honestly would have asked her first but she had someone right after me. So I saw her paintings. They are for sale and it's a public place, but I don't know if I should have looked before asking her. I've seen her paintings before; she has one in her office. They're all abstract. The titles were kind of personal though.

Of course I emailed her to tell her what I did and Sat that I hope she's not angry. I wish I had asked first but it's not like driving by her house, is it? The postcards were there for clients to see!

Yeah I think that is totally fine and i wouldn't worry about it

rainbow,
don't worry about it .you didn't do anything bad.






Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds : Cymbalta 90mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia

If the postcards are out there they are advert for any client to see. The information is public so no boundary crossed.

Well, she did put an ad right where any of her clients could see and she's displaying them publicly at a public location. I don't see any boundaries crossed.

Did you enjoy looking at the paintings?

No way. Your T wouldn't have left the cards out in a place for clients to access them if she didn't want them to.

You did not cross any boundaries. If your T didn't want clients to see them she wouldn't have displayed them in public.

Agree with the others--you're fine! She put the cards on the table for a reason. Plus like you said, it was a public art show.

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Don't worry - of course you didn't cross a boundary. SHE put the flyers there for clients to see. It wouldn't make any sense at all for her to advertise her own art showing and then get mad at anyone who went to see it, would it?!

it's not like you went through her mail. They were there for anyone to see!

I think maybe SHE crossed a boundary, but even my t says I'm pretty strict!

Of course you did nothing wrong! If your T didn't want her clients to see her art, she would not have "advertised" it at the office! I probably would have done the same thing. When I was researching my T before I started seeing her, I noticed she published a book. So I bought it. I didn't finish it until we'd already started therapy, but I did tell her how I found out she had a book, that I bought it, and read it. I was trying to find reviews/etc on my T before I started seeing her....unfortunately I didn't find any, but when I searched her name, her book came up several times. I actually really liked it, it is a memoir of her childhood. At first I wasn't sure if I should admit to her that I knew about it and read it, but when I told her how I found out it was out there, she completely understood, saying I SHOULD do research before seeing someone.

On the contrary. It seems to me that you showed a mature and considered curiosity in this, and overcame quite understandable anxiety on how the matter would affect your relationship with your T. I suspect this is a useful step in the right direction.

How are you holding up rainbow?

As for your question. Nah, you didn’t cross any boundaries. That stuff was just lying there for people to see. Besides, her art is also displayed in public - and being on your way home, you might have come across it anyway. Not like you rummaged through her stuff... And if it were private, it shouldn’t be lying there in public in the first place.

It’s great that you told her (though you shouldn’t feel guilty or bad about it). Shows the closeness in your relationship with T. I don’t think she will be angry - she has no right to be, at any rate.

Thanks, everyone. As you predicted, T emailed back that she's not angry and she's glad I saw her show. I still feel weird about it. I emailed back because she also said: See you next week! I saw her Friday and she knows I'm going away next week!! She's never made a mistake like that!!! So, I emailed some comments about her paintings. I feel like I've seen a different side of her that I wasn't supposed to see. I'm not sure she's totally okay with my seeing them. Just a hunch I have. I'm also jealous of her work because it's abstract and I can only paint what I see! So I have stuff to talk with her about my reactions.

Thank you for asking, Rive. I'm not sure how I'm doing yet because I've been with family for a few weeks and it's been distracting. I have many forms to fill out that I don't understand at all, but they will sit another week. I'm overwhelmed and sad, lonely, also angry, and my T says all my feelings are normal. I don't like being alone but I have to get used to it. So much of my H's stuff is here, and so much to go through. He was kind of a hoarder. It will take time for me to accept he's gone for real.

I understand your feeling of "knowing something you maybe weren't supposed to know". My T published a book, as I've said before, a memoir of her very untraditional childhood. It was very strange to see my T in that light.... putting herself out there like that, reading about her as a vulnerable child, but I had more respect for her after having read her book. She did ask me how I felt after reading it, and we talked about it.... I'm glad I read it. Helped me see her more as a normal person than somewhat of an "authority figure."

You didn't cross a boundary. The cards were in a public place. The art was in a public place.

Please ....take care of YOURSELF, rather than the T's feelings/boundaries at this tough time.

I hope you know that it is her JOB to alert you to boundary crossings but in this case, like everyone, I don't think you erred.

You seem to be very much in touch with what is going on in your outward tangible life and your inside state.

You seem to be doing way more than "coping" as your mood state button shows....

Hang in there!!!

Public flyers are advertisements so, yeah. Not any violation of any kind there.

I think it's okay. If the ads were in her office, then that tells me it was okay for clients to see. Speaking as someone who has publicly displayed art that I wouldn't want clients to see, I don't censor myself but I would never post anything about said art in my office. It sounds like your therapist was more open, and also that you honestly care about her boundaries. I hope she'll be fine with it (and think she will). If I were her, I would be touched by your honesty and caring about the boundaries.