Another Painful Thought: Should I take formal action against my therapist?

The chances that i would "sue" my therapist are about 0%. I was mainly thinking of a formal complaint to my states board of health. But again in that....i think the chances are about maybe 1% i would ever even do that.

this thread was mainly to toss the idea around....since it was in my head.

.....it is difficult for me to let go without a better and easier good-bye, because bad losses such as this are BIG reason why I was going to therapy in the first place.....

so if I don't try for something better........in terms of a better goodbye.......because i'm trying to heal from bad losses......then why am i going to therapy in the first place.....if therapy is only going to be a place where i just get hurt more?

this isn't my first therapist......so i've seen what is out there.....there are not many good ones....and my therapist was a good one. she is STILL a good one, i'm sure, just she isn't good for me anymore.........but i think i deserve a better goodbye.

i deserve it!!!!

I agree that you deserve a better good-bye. You may need to reconcile yourself to the liklihood that your ex-therapist may not be willing to meet your needs, however. This could be something worth discussing with your soon-to-be-new-maybe next therapist tomorrow... how far you are willing to go to try to get your old therapist to meet with you... I'm concerned that if you're too persistent, you may be accused of stalking or harassment (which definitely doesn't seem to be your intent).

This all just happened last thursday afternoon. I don't plan on doing anything overboard to get a good-bye.

my old therapist called me on friday, because I was trying to understand her reasoning. and a little later I left her a message to let her know i had made an appointment with one those she referred me to. then i called once and left a message when i was in emotional agony to let her know and to ask her to at least ponder about a closure session and assure her I was not trying to resume regular sessions.

part of me wants to keep calling and even wants to go down and visit her at her office....i literally have to pass by her office most of the time....it is right off the main interstate where everyone in the city passes...so i'm bound to pass. i'd really have to go out of my way to avoid this route, believe me. (i'm only human and I'm in agony.....i know this feeling all TOO WELL).

....but my more logical self says to try to do this right. work with my new therapist. and I will NOT hound her or pressure her, much less (shudders) stalk or harass her.

i will likely send her the letter I am working on, after my new therapist has a look over it and gives me her opinion. and if she still says no or if she says nothing at all, and just wants to mull it over and eventually down the line.....then that is her perogative.

i need to try. it is who i am. and I cannot stop being me. i am an intense and passionate person, emotionally speaking.

i guess to understand this entire thing, you'd have to know me and my therapist. either the solidly consistent relationship and behavior my therapist exhibited was the best "act" ever in the history of the world and people have the ability to have a complete change in personality overnight....or my therapist does still care.

my hope that she does still care is probably a foolish hope. I have never been much of an optimistic and hopeful person EVER.

i tell myself, actually literally yell at myself ,ALL THE TIME, things like: "Damn, you are a **%&!in' idiot if you keep allowing HOPE to enter your life. Never hope!!!"

And I stand by that in most cases. but for some reason, I allowing myself to hope she still cares.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
About 3 months ago, I decided I needed to take a break from therapy from her because there were some health insurance issues, work issues, the stress of the issues I was dealing with in therapy and then my attachment to my relationship in general

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

You know, I feel for you in that you feel she abandoned you and did so inappropriately, however, I don't think filing a complaint is going to give you any kind of closure.

You left her 3 months ago. Regardless of what you said and she said or anyone think was said since, the next legal thing, after you left therapy 3 months ago, was a quite appropriate termination letter. I don't think any board will find any problem with this at all. ( I can be wrong though.)

If you really want closure, realize that you are not in the best state of mind for making such a decision. Filing complaints are not usually taken lightly, and you will definitely mark yourself as someone no therapist can fully trust. If you have a new T, then forget the old issue of complaining. What if the new T can help you realize a different perspective on the situation, and you had already filed and put the old T through that??? Not to mention the stress and emphasis it filing a complaint will put on you. While I dare not suggest that just because someone is in need of therapy that their claims are unfounded, your history will be reviewed also. If you really want closure, move on. You don't wish to taint or scare your new T, and you do need to work through the issue with someone.

If, after working through it you and your new T find inappropriate actions on the part of the former T, you can discuss your options then.

good wishes.

....the thing is...............

just two weeks prior we were discussing me coming back......we were planning on even making appointments.......

so while i was "on break"....we were in the process of making new appointments.

...........IF I COULD ERASE THIS ENTIRE THREAD I WOULD........

......the chance that I will take any action against my therapist is about 1%......and i don't say zero....because i never say zero about anything. that is just my style

thanks for the comments

You can ask admin to delete the thread... sometimes they will do that. It might have merit for others to read though, you know?

((((hugs))))

I hope you can at least sideline this issue, and work on feeling better, with your new T.

My take on this is that they way she terminated was not unethical (maybe she could have handled it better but I don't see it as unethical. She gave you referrals. And, usually that's all they need to do. Just as you can fire them, they can refer you elsewhere.) I do think people would raise an eyebrow at cuddling together in a blanket or giving your therapist foot massages. That's suggests a problem with boundaries at the very least. So, I disagree with those that say you wouldn't have grounds for a complaint. Now, whether you want to go through all of that in the future, is a different issue all together. Give yourself time to heal from this. As others have said now is not a good time to make these difficult decisions.

Im lost with this now. Something seems wrong?

I would end this relationship with your T and leave it at that. It sounds wrong that a T should be afraid of someone.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
cuddling together in a blanket or giving your therapist foot massages.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I know you don't wanna hear this...but that right there is enough to file a complaint - regardless of the termination issue.

I'm not going to file a complaint.....just to put this to rest.

Ipse, no one (at least from the responses I've read) has suggested you should file a complaint. You take care of you, that's what is important here.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
ClaireB said:
Ipse, no one (at least from the responses I've read) has suggested you should file a complaint. You take care of you, that's what is important here.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

i know..... i suggested it myself when I made the thread.....i was just clarifying now that I had decided to not even consider it anymore.

Okay, Ipse I understand. I just didn't want you to feel like anyone was pushing you toward or away from any decision. I hope you are hanging in there.

i think i would send her a certified letter, explaining your feelings, let her know that you're getting closure by writing the letter (use the word closure in the letter as much as you feel you need to) and then burn your copy of the letter......have a little ceremony. i'm very much into closure ceremonies, even when i'm alone. it helps me. xoxoxo pat

Ipse, after reading a lot or your posts on this issue, given how unusual your relationship with your T was... wonder if SHE'S having a problem with the closeness?? Maybe she felt that she could cross the boundaries of a healthy relationship if she continued being your T? It's also possible that her sexuality isn't homosexual but felt that she could cross that line. If she's uncomfortable with that, I can see why she wouldn't want to see you face to face again.

You know, Ts are human, too, and just as prone to making mistakes as the rest of us. Having said that, my T suddenly ended our relationship by cancelling an appt. right after she had given me a depression quiz. I was as low as I have ever been, yet she cancelled the next appt and never returned my calls. Two weeks later, I ended up in the psych ward. Naturally, I blamed her. She new what I was headed for. They called her from the hospital and she never answered their calls either.

About three months later, I ran into her and she acted like nothing had ever happened. She was excited about seeing most of the family and JUST HAD to wait around to see the two grandkids that were with us. As she walked away, it stuck me that she was too happy, too excited and making damn well sure that we KNEW just how happy she was. Something was wrong there, for sure!

Like I said, Ts are human, too. Who knows what was going on in her life at the time... aside from a divorce. She seemed so happy about it. Too much so.

Another hitch in that "relationship." When I got out of the hospital, the staff made sure I had a T to see. The T they assigned me to rented office space from my former T. I saw him once. He called me and said there was a problem with my insurance. There was no such thing. What was I supposed to think? I'm pretty sure my former T said something to him. Who knows what, though.

So much for Ts for me!