Couch 105-The couch with no issues.

Feeling hurt.

CurrenT says she thinks I am on the spectrum. We are going to do testing just for peace of mind.

If testing shows that I have Asbergers or high functioning autism on the spectrum....that means I have always had it.
It means that all my previous T's and PDocs missed it.

I am 60 damn years old. That's a lot of years of "feeling alien," feeling odd, not fitting in, and getting hurt....and not understanding why...
That's a lot of getting in trouble, punished, unable to relate to "friends."
Unable to stay in Nursing School...tried twice...job failures..marriage failures, etc.

It means that PrevT missed it, too. And that hurts.

Forgive the icon..it's a mistake.

So testing brings peace of mind but also pain? That sux.

Evening couch.

I had fun with C today. We went to ChickFilA again.

I finalized more plans with the little girl's house parent as to what to buy her. She wants to do her own clothes shopping so she wants a gift card to Justice. I am okay with that, at least then she can get clothes she likes.

She also wants a Nintendo DS. I asked the house parent if she would be okay with an older model. She said that would be fine, so I found a new older model on Amazon and ordered it along with some games. It is not used or refurbished, so it should last a while. I do not mind getting refurbished things for myself, but for someone else new is best.

I am also making up a little purse of girly things. Body lotion, body spray, lip gloss, barrettes, scented hand sanitizer, etc. I asked and she is allowed to have such things, so it should be nice for her.

I love doing things for needy kids. I probably dropped around $250 bucks on her, but she is worth it (even if I have never met her or will never meet her). There are only 3 kids in the house I am helping, so I feel comfortable doing it. Her irth parents neglected and abandoned her, so she needs to feel loved. I just have to wait for the DS to arrive, then I can meet her house parent to pass everything off. I also am giving her a birthday card that I will write an inspirational message in and sign "from someone who cares".

I will get to do all this again in February for her sister's birthday. Except get whatever presents she wants.

I want to valentine's packages for all the kids as well as Easter baskets. I am not in a position where I can spoil kids in the classroom I am in, so I will spoil these kids instead. And they will probably more grateful for it than some of the kids I used to work with that felt they were entitled to lots of gifts.

I am hungry. I should eat dinner. Be back later couch. Need my energy/nutrition for a full day at CVS tomorrow.

My T worked with a person that happened to. There was a gentleman in and out of institutions and on a dozen meds with a bunch of diagnoses. My T met with him and recognized that he was on the spectrum. Sure enough, they did formal testing and he was, but the guy had been in and out of the system for years. Last my T had heard, he was doing well now that they knew.

I'm sorry that they've missed it this long

Red beans and rice.

It was delicious

((Penguin))

Love is a mental illness in itself.

Welcome to the Spectrum!

Aspergers is a big part of who I am, but it's not the whole story.

Thank you, CE! Cool colors!

If it turns out that I am on the spectrum...one good thing is I can stop searching for the answer to, "What's wrong with me?"

There are good sides to it...at least my past will make more sense...and I can better plan for my future....

I am no different (better or worse) than before the spectrum possibility.

I'll deal with it....some parts are just sad.

This was very interesting, thanks!

Google the origin of the phrase "Holy Toledo" if you want even more education about Toledo.

I'm waiting for a war over the U.P.

Hey!
Debating to quit Taco Bell since I still have the tax job. I am tired of getting flack because they failed to train me properly from the get go. Though I have a lot of anxiety about the tax job I know I've been trained thoroughly. I think once I do it a couple times with customers the anxiety will drop. I don't know.

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W is starting to think that her life is actually pretty good and there's no point in waiting for it to get better before she starts living.

CE -That sounds like W has a good plan

That's a reasonable assumption.

I loathe packing. Four days to close this place down and then get myself up to Boston to spend a week with my mother.

Are you driving to boston from the midwest?

No, I flew back east yesterday.

I think there would be one except for the black flies.

I am not ready for winter break to end. I do not feel refreshed or renewed. I'm not ready to jump back into everything on Monday. I feel like my emotional buckets are empty. That's the thing about time, though, it keeps moving whether or not you're ready.

Me too! Love this expression. (((((JD)))))

Not usually up this early on a Sunday, it's 0630 here, have to be at work in an hour. It's a half day, so not too bad. Still feeling so peaceful after journeying yesterday. I got a seat right next to the facilitator of the circle who was drumming for us, you can feel the vibration from the drum sitting that close... I guess that's why I went so deep... that was the most 'gone' I've ever felt I've been during a journey, usually my dream state is quite active...and I come back with a lot to write down and share. Not yesterday.... yesterday was about a very quiet mind and healing happening subconsciously, underneath. I so felt that. This is such a wonderful complement to my therapy. And I'm so glad I finally went again!!

Have a good day couchies, gotta finish getting ready for work and get out the door.

Also you'd need an army consisting entirely of snowmobiles and dog sleds

I have always wanted to do that dog skiing (skijoring) thing with my dogs even though with my personal ones it would be a disaster (herding dogs - they hate going ahead of me)

Ski in a circle? They won't know who's herding whom.

They would stand on my skis from behind and try to reign in /round up/nip other skiers.
And then they would want me to carry them. They are kind of slackers.