When the positive turns into the negative Transferrence.

It seems I've spent almost 3yrs dreaming of fuzzy warm thoughts about I and T. Ever since a week ago when I had battled with rage after her now infamous "because I want too" statement, its like the bubble of positive transferrence as gone and now all the icky stuff is coming through.

I feel my stomach churning and my mind wanting to hold back the icky feelings that are building up.

As painful as therapy has been, its still be enjoyable on one level because of all the positive transferrence, now I'm afraid I will have lost my last safe place, and not want to go, and my negative transferrences will taint everything.

hey mouse. i think i understand. i went through a stage of negative transference with my current t. he couldn't seem to say anything right and whatever he said resulted in my feeling mad and unheard. he felt... well... i felt an aversion to him.

icky feelings...

can you describe them a little more?

this too shall pass, mouse. positive transference... then some negative transference... then some positive transference again...

you know... one sense of 'positive transference' is about how it feels to experience it. so 'positive transference' is about feeling loved and secure and stuff while 'negative transference' is about feeling icky or whatever.

there is another sense of the terms, however, where 'positive transference' is theraputic progress and 'negative transference' is something that hinders theraputic progress. so good feelings can hinder progress if they are a mask for some of the icky stuff and feeling the icky stuff - actually feeling it - can be progress indeed.

if those feelings are coming up... it means your mind is ready to deal with them. hang in there mouse.

I had a phase of the negative and it sometimes still peeks through. I was SURE he was trying to get rid of me for awhile.

I don't know where that came from as I look back on it now. Therapy certainly is a range or should I say cycle of emotions.

I've learned a lot already whether it is positive or negative. If your therapist is good, then your negative shouldn't taint the overall process. Hang in there!

My negative transference is generally about my fear of my T or pdoc leaving me. Sometimes, I think they don’t read the letters I give them or they don’t pay attention enough or they just don’t care. I think that they would rather be with another patient. Then I feel like they are not saying the right things and such. So, I have to take inventory of where the feelings are coming from. My insecurities generally are the root cause. If I honestly look at it—its not my T or pdoc who has changed—its me. I don’t know this is the case with you—its just what happens to me.

I hope you can work through this. have you tried to talk with your T about it?

I too would ask if you have talked to your T about this. I really understand this from a personal perspective. I am ready to ask some questions but worry about what I will hear but it is better I think to ask the hard questions.

I also think that, unfortunately for therapy to progress we may not always be in our safe cozy place. I do not know. Different people experience therapy in different ways. As can be noted by the variety of posts here.

well, i think the first thing to do is ask yourself more about why her statement hit you so hard...write it out. What was your immediate rxn? What were the thoughts afterwards that lead to s astronger rxn? WHen you think of it now what do you think and feel? Why does it threaten your feeling of safety?

I mean, on the surface it's just a statement right? But it's never about the surface. Dig into it. The painful place is always the direction to go.

i am sorry it hurts and i am sorry you have to struggle through this sort of issue. Other issues snuggled in positive transferenece are easier.

Please forgive my typing..i have a med that is causine word probs and affects my typing.

peace

I used to fantasize about my T telling me that she doesn't ever want to talk to me again. I told my T about my fear of abandoment fantasizes two or three times. She told me that she didn't think that she'd be going anywhere. I would suggest writing a letter to T and/or Pdoc and sharing it in session. (I express my emotions best in the written word. This suggestion is that you use the method that you are best at expressing yourself.) Then talk to T about it. T/Pdoc can't promise to never leave you but they can assure you that they care and let you know that they will let you know in advance if they need to take time off.
My parents got divorced when I was three and I felt like I had to compete with the horses to get my mom and step-father's attention. As you can see, my fear of abandonment comes from my childhood. It might also help you to explore what it is that causes or produces the feelings.
Also, my T reminded me that my friends and family members will stay by my side. I hope that you have parents/siblings/a spouse/a significant other/friend/fellow church member/etc that will be able to stick by you through thick and thin. Everyone needs someone that they can trust to stay with them through the tough times. So, it is only natural that we develop a strong connection or bond with our Ts and want them to stay with us through the hard times.

Thank you so much for posting this. You made me remind myself of why it's okey for me to miss my T and how others will be with me while she is gone on leave.