New t asks the strangest questions

I seem new t this week for the second time. I really like her energy and excitement about life.
She asked if I liked my family I said, they are alright, they are just there I suppose.
So she got out some props ( a tombstone) and one by one we killed them t wrote out their details on a Sheet of paper.
I didn't feel anything but when she wrote out a sheet for my ex, well everything changed and I started crying uncontrollably. T asked to hold my hand, it felt nice to be comforted. She then wrote out a shyer for me with the date that I died on the day my ex left because I feel like I died that day. I never realised that until we that in session.

T then asked if I liked myself? I hesitated because I am not sure. She asked me to close my eyes. She said can you imagine kissing yourself, and would you like it? I said no way, she said now imagine French kissing yourself, I made a face, now imagine licking yourself all over. What happens? I said it's disgusting. She said that's interesting because you do it to others and expect them to do it to you but you can't do it to yourself. She said my homework over Christmas is to lick myself and touch myself and begin to love the beautiful woman I am.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Wow. Erm. Not sure if ever take the advice to lick myself- that is quite weird.

And no one kisses themselves- that's weird too.

I suppose loving yourself is a good thing but do you have to erotically love yourself or love and accept the person you are?

Good luck!



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Bit extreme.

Up until the licking it sounded just creative and inappropriate for a second session. I mean, I saw the point, but the whole tombstone thing was just unnecessary in my opinion (it could have gone with you just having your family members made out of plasticine and taking them out of the picture for a while - and even that would have been a LOT for a second session, in my opinion). But I do at least understand the point. By the way, is this existential psychotherapy? It would be more understanble if it is.

But licking yourself?!?! I mean. unless you somehow brought up licking as something meaningful to you, it seems so ... different ... for a thertapist, and for a new one especially so.

Sorry, I'm just feeling very surprised. I wonder, how is this approach working for you? Do you feel it is helpful to make new insights or is it too much? Is it a way for you to understand better or perhaps confusing?

The session sounded quite led my her. I think I might find it a bit - I'm not sure what the word is - disempowering, maybe even infantilising? Is she imposing something on you rather than giving you space to be you? I know you have just given us a snapshot of your session so I may be off here.

said my homework over Christmas is to lick myself and touch myself and begin to love the beautiful woman I am

I soooo would have run away screaming at this point 😂

mmm smile ,
that is weird for a therapist to give such a homework assignment to you about liking yourself . my therapist would never give me a such an assignment for liking myself . my therapist would give me assignments for asserting myself and self awareness but not liking myself like licking and touching myself .








Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds : Cymbalta 60 mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia with an additional 25 mgs= 75 mgs at night for insomnia when up past 1:00 in the morning

I like the idea behind it, but it's really a bit extreme.
I get that we have to love ourselves, but... lick yourself? I would think my T had gone insane if she'd ask me to do that. :-)

How did you feel about it? Did you eventually agree on trying to do the homework?

Well remember - everybody here always complains that ts dont go thru t themselves - so how can we now complain that its going too fast? It HAS to go fast to get thru enough stuff to be of value before a t graduates. This sounds like some healthy woman-centered stuff to me - we probably dont love and appreciate ourselves / our bodies enough. Our parents and teachers taught us they werent even ours - they belonged to god or future husbands. Wth.

Interesting approach, getting right to the heart of the matter....I like it.

Oh my . I would have assumed she was joking and laughed hysterically. How would licking yourself even help??? Kissing I guess maybe but even then..... I mean I have heard of body image work involving massage and stuff but even then you work up to that...

Agree. It may be a bit out there but it's coming from a good place.
From what you're saying of her monalisa, I quite like your therapist.

I remember when my therapist plopped my thumb in my mouth. Infantalizing? No, not at all. It was very healing. Existrntial therapy was very helpful to me in my healing journey.

I silently shake my head when I hear the label "infantilizing". The act just might help the person move forward. But, we have to label everything usually with negative connotations, and give it an age range that renders many things inappropriate. Gah...

I too, like your new therapist style. Glad you are moving forward. I hope you shoot for an A+ on your homework.

It sounds like feminist psychotherapy (and yes, that's actually a real form of therapy, and it is used with women as well as men). She may be trying to help improve self-awareness with regard to your sexuality and gender role. Might want to ask her just to clarify.

Ummm...a few times in my life I've tried to lick myself - usually when wondering what cats see in it - and I just don't like how my skin tastes.

Therapists saying things like this are what give rise to negative popular stereotypes about the profession. Personally I think she's going too fast. Telling clients to lick themselves should at least wait till the fifth session.

Seriously, does this have anything to do with what you're in therapy for?

What a wierdo! I mean that as an endearment--she sounds hilarious and I'd be very tempted to go back.

I probably would restrain myself, though. Honestly I'd be very careful around any T this...colorful? Charismatic? Who leads the session with props and tricks and makes me feel things intensely?

But that's just me. I know I've a tendency to get swept away by strong personalities. It's a miracle I haven't joined a cult.

Wow. Yeah, I have to say, I'm on board with the ones who would run away screaming.
I think that would have freaked me out enough to not go back!

What works for some may not work at all for others, though, so if it works for you, why not?

I find it interesting. A little unusual, but I am quite eccentric myself and don't find it disturbing at all, based on the description it's just a mental exercise. It would definitely pique my curiosity.

I think the most important thing is how the OP reacts to it. If it's too much/weird, I would tell the therapist how I feel about it -- even just that might be informative. I would also ask what exactly the purpose of the exercise is even though it seems quite obvious.

I have a friend who was told pretty much the same thing by therapist and given a book called "how to be your own best friend"

She did go for help with relationships and for her it had a lot to do with body and sex shame. I don't find the suggestions all that odd, but the hand holding part would have put me off.

My initial reaction was that it sounds weird and freaks me out!! But after calming down and letting the idea rest in my mind a little while, maybe it's not quite as bizarre as it sounds. Honestly, the kissing part seemed OK. But French kissing? That's where it got too weird for me.

This wouldn't be for me. Do you find it helpful to talk this through with her?

if a T tried to hold my hand let alone during the 2nd session i would prob slap them. no touchy-touchy!!!!! as far as the exercises, i would not like that.

Oh man. I think I would just stare open-mouthed at my T if she tried that with me....now...6 months later, and if it was on the 2nd session I would have been like see ya!!!

Someone upstream mentioned feminist psychotherapy. It is not. That is very misinformed thinking. Feminist therapy considers the social, cultural and political forces that impact an individual in therapy. And it's for men as well as women. It has nothing to do with licking. Sheesh. My therapist practices from feminist theory and she does nothing of this sort.

I honestly have no idea what to make of this new therapist. It would definitely not be for me. You've said you're in a program that practices Gestault (also not for me). I guess I would want to gauge if this makes you too uncomfortable to keep going.

I didn't even shake my new T's hand. I could see she was open to it when we first met but wouldn't offer unless i did. I was glad of that. It's not that I'm socially unaware (although now you mention it....) I just don't want to open the door to touching, hand holding etc