New t asks the strangest questions

These are all feelings I identify with her, although the excitement is the strongest word. My gut feeling is caution with everyone because I have been hurt and abused a lot.
I am sorry you got burnt by a t, it is horrible tone burnt by the one person who teaches is to trust people again.
I hope that you have or are in the process of recovery with a safe t?

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Oh , Yes , I am. I have my long term T who's wonderful. The other T was an EMDR T I approached looking to do some short term trauma work - and she caused more trauma. The irony of it all! Thanks for asking!

Glad you have long term t to fall back on

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I don't know, Mona. My gut feeling, and I'm sorry to have to say it, is that this T is not going to be good for you. I hope I'm wrong because you deserve a decent T. I think the transference is going to overwhelm you, and boundaries may be an issue. She sounds intriguing, and I would be excited too. That's the problem. For me, excitement in therapy makes it too much about the T, and not about me. It feels good, but it's not the goal of therapy. Please be careful if you stay with this T.

Thanks Rainbow, I appreciate the concern. I have had a bad feeling about all of this since posting this thread. I need a t like her but perhaps one with stronger boundaries and not as open about her own sexuality because I am spending all of my time thinking about her and in some ways I have regressed and gone back to behaviours I would have had with t one.
I am not sure what this t wants from me because she has said some pretty inappropriate flirty things to me that would not be suitable with a real client. I mean someone who is not training to be a t.

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Haha, Mona I guess you learn something new everyday. Some Ts have quite unusual approaches to get around people's defenses or to be able to make deeper connection. But like a few other people have said, seems to me too much or too soon or whatever. This is a hit or miss approach. I think if it's a big miss, it's hard to recover from the strangeness anytime soon or feel at ease for a while. If it's a hit, T can look like a genius. Either way seems a risky approach that can perhaps work for some people but I dare say that must be significantly less than 50% of people. I guess she's throwing caution into the wind.

Or rather at least it won't work for me. Cause I can't even lick my elbow or my nose even. I know some people can. It would be quite difficult to lick myself all over. Wish I were a cat. Okay I'm just messing around now.

Do you know from others who work with her if she's provocative by nature? I don't mean that in a seductive way, but in the sense that she's trying to provoke a response from you. Definitely bring this up to her. I think you are going to make a very good therapist, btw.

She suggested you lick yourself.

Then you say she suggested where (sounded like an intimate place).

Then you share she licked herself in session.

Forgive me, but is this thread a joke? Is this actually seriously happening? Please tell me that other people are not finding this behaviour appropriate in any way?

Yeah, a bit extreme. I don't lick others and I don't want them to lick me.......hahaha except sexually.......and almost nobody is flexible enough to do that to themselves! Just seems weird to me.

Exfoliate, exfoliate, exfoliate!!!

Eta - sorry, its an older daters thing!

It's not a joke, I don't find it funny at all.

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Thank you ruh roh
I don't know anyone else that has worked with her, I wish I did so we could compare. I have only seen her with one of my tutors outside if session and she was really flirty with her, they hugged and kissed and made a joke about running off together. We were all shocked.
Perhaps you are on to something here ruh roh she does try to shock people, her appearance is very shocking. She wears bright red and has bright red hair. Part of gestalt is to provoke, she told me she didn't like the old fritz Perls way of working but she is trying to provoke something in me or wake my sexuality.

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Was there "informed consent"? Did she thoroughly tell you the what, why and how of her protocol and why she thinks it will be benefit you specifically?

( "Gloria's" biography, it said Perls put out a cigarette in the palm of Gloria's hand after the filming.)

I think it would be perfectly okay for you to say she got your attention, thank her for the insight, and say you'd like to keep exploring other therapist options. I don't fully understand the program you're in, or the pressures they put on you, but you do not have to try every thing under the sun or put up with provocative behavior that doesn't have a more secure frame. You've done a lot in that regard already. This might be a good opportunity to set some boundaries with the people in this program. Honestly, I think I'm just so glad you moved on from the other one, this one doesn't shock me (especially since you seem to feel more able to question her approach).

I rather like the proverb ' Courage is like a kite - it flies higher in a contrary wind '. I like your T's ideas and I'm intrigued , but maybe she needs to exercise a little restraint over her own contrariness - the kite still needs to be under control in the currents - if the string breaks the kite is lost. This is a great thread , your responses to input and feedback is very impressive and I also feel you are going to be a very good T!

I had heard that about Perls and I despise him although I love Gestalt. I think he was a narcissistic bully.
She didn't tell me of the protocol because we trained at the same school, although I have a fair idea of the therapy she practises I do not agree with a lot of the ways they practise it. I am glad I studied a lot of other therapies before starting this training because I think it can be very dangerous to vulnerable clients

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Yes, I feel more comfortable with her yet there is a lot of uncomfortableness also.
There are things that intrigue me but there are also things that petrify me.
I had an honest conversation at our first session about waiting for her harsh side to appear and she said she didn't have one ( I know everyone has one, so denying you have a harsh side is balls).
I said that she does have one and she said she doesn't like to show it because she was kind of bullied by the tutor in this training programme and has witnessed the anise of power in therapy. I believe she has a good heart and good intentions but she does really shock me at times.
I think she is a strong woman who has always had to fight for everything and in a way we have a great understanding of each other.
I have respect for her and she for me. I miss my old t a lot, I miss the regular appointments. This t I will only see once a month for two hours a session and this is hard to adapt to from once a week. She is the exact opposite of old t but I still miss old t. We discussed some of the things old t had said that had contributed to our rupture and new t was infuriated. She wanted me to feel that rage and fury but I couldn't because I am still attached. I also told new t about my feelings for old t and it was quite easy to talk to her about it. She clarified for me what exactly my feelings were and although they are sexual they are more about needing a mother figure in my life. New t is more open to communication outside of session and offered to send my stuff by text and email, I really like her but I am worried as Rainbow said that the therapy will be more about my feelings for her and not about me.


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Thank you out there for your comments I appreciate your feedback.
I like your analogy of the kite flying in the wind freely but still needing some guidance and control
I think sometimes she gets so excited about things and this is a rate quality to be practising for so long but still get excited about the process and have so many creative ways and tools to express that process.
I feel she has a loose grip on the kite because she wants me to find my own way but should the string break she would be able to get me back to safety. At times it's uncomfortable and turbulent flying around up there but I feel freer than ever. I feel like she is encouraging me to be who I was meant to be and not who my family and society moulded me into.
I would love a mother like her, someone who is fun, free and not afraid to be herself, she has embraced everything about herself and perhaps this is why I am scared of her

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Well, she has already put herself front and center of your therapy with her shock and awe. So at least it's not something that's going to sneak up on you. She walked right up and smacked you in the face with it. It's interesting that she said she was bullied and would not do that to anyone else--because she runs the risk of bullying through the opposite extreme (being your champion and all-consuming, exciting therapist).

I apologize if I'm overstepping, but you seem to be really open to looking at this from all angles. Your self-awareness is your saving grace. Questioning her and yourself is good, though I agree this would be very damaging for someone who is vulnerable and unaware.

You are not over stepping at all and I appreciate your outlook. You have helped me to look at this from many angles along with the other comments.
I am open to positive and negative and every other type comments because at the moment I am trying to figure out my feelings for this new t and what has happened.

I think her ego is fragile, more fragile than last t because she did not care if I liked her at all. That had positive and negative effects on our therapy. She could say what she liked without having to worry about being the good t and trying to get her clients to idealise her and it drive me away in the end because I ended up getting hurt a lot. I needed her to care about me more than she neeeded me. There has to be a fine balance between the two (I feel anyway) for the relationship to work.
This t tries to impress too much, I suppose it was a boost to her ego for me to want to see her and I am amazed that some ts still feel like this because I have met so many robot ts who go through the motions whilst skipping the emotions. I really feel like we can have a relationship "I thou" relationship (gestalt phrase). It means we both learn from each other and respect the other whilst changing each other's lives. I believe that she still believes clients change her and we spoke about this the last time how clients have impacted her.
She also doesn't encourage attachment by trusting the client to know when they are ready to come back. She doesn't book them in every week and says that I am ok without a therapist. It was almost empowering for me to hear a t say that. Every other t I have had has been weekly and encouraged some sort dependancy on them and therapy!
I like the idea of trying to really work on things between sessions and to put to work what I have learned about building relationships and trusting the right ones will still be there without getting too attached or addicted to them.

I would hope she would take a different approach with other clients who are not in a good enough place to recognise what they need and who rely in their therapists to provide them with the safety to figure it out together.

I really think she is trying to help me to the next stage as I have been stuck in the impasse for such a long time now.

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I think therapy can be a mind fck at times - because we are told we are supposed to feel "uncomfortable". Sometimes "uncomfortable" is an internal warning sign, a fabulous self regulating process. You shared because it seemed a little off to you.

Overall, what screams out to me are boundaries. Completely goes back to the 5th date thing - those are boundaries. When others cross boundaries after 1.5 hours of "knowing" us, to me it is a red flag and a very appropriate response from your gut. It doesn't mean she can't help you, but breaking boundaries from the get-go is not a good sign.

She really licked herself in front of you??
"I lick self, therefore I love self" has never been quoted for a reason.

I love myself and have good self esteem. I am not licking or kissing myself though. I mean I can't even reach beyond my hands and arms, am not that flexible anymore.

I am not saying it is not something that might be useful for someone. I could see and understand doing enjoyable and fun things for yourself but I don't see how licking serve any purpose whatsoever. But again it doesn't mean others might not find it useful. If it bothers you though say so.

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I love this last line
It is an appropriate response from my gut yet I ignore my gut feeling all the time and second guess it even though I know it is always right.
There are alarm bells but I am not sure what they are telling me yet, it's usually too late before I realise why I shouldn't have trusted them.



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What has she said?

I would prefer not to say on a public forum but they were inappropriate

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