Should I tell my T I drove past her house?

Ilikecats, when do you see your T? How are you feeling about telling her now? This thread brought out many replies and different opinions. The same thing happened when I posted a similar thread about 4 years ago. I wonder why this topic arouses so much interest.

I imagine the interest is due to the fact that many of us think of our homes as our castles.

Ilikecats, when do you see your T? How are you feeling about telling her now? This thread brought out many replies and different opinions. The same thing happened when I posted a similar thread about 4 years ago. I wonder why this topic arouses so much interest.

Your house isn't a castle? I have a moat And a drawbridge.

As much as people say this is normal behavior, honestly, it is not really. I mean, I can think of no one that I'd be so curious about that I'd seek out their address and go drive by their house. If I have a reason for being there: I've been invited to their house for a gathering, I'm taking my son there for a study session with friends, they say they are having a great garage sale, they've mentioned the great Christmas lights on their street or something, then yes, I'd look up a person's address and go by or to their house. But to just look up someone's address and drive by out of some need to know more about them or be somehow closer to them? That really is a bit odd. Maybe "normal" for therapy behavior to some people, but it is a bit odd for real life.

As much as people say this is normal behavior, honestly, it is not really. I mean, I can think of no one that I'd be so curious about that I'd seek out their address and go drive by their house. If I have a reason for being there: I've been invited to their house for a gathering, I'm taking my son there for a study session with friends, they say they are having a great garage sale, they've mentioned the great Christmas lights on their street or something, then yes, I'd look up a person's address and go by or to their house. But to just look up someone's address and drive by out of some need to know more about them or be somehow closer to them? That really is a bit odd. Maybe "normal" for therapy behavior to some people, but it is a bit odd for real life.

I genuinely don't find that odd at all. Curiosity takes many forms and yes curiosity was one of the reasons I would imagine someone would be driving past their therapist's house. I'm not sure your post is actually supportive.
Personally I find the stuff some people believe in (as in religion) way more odd than some behaviours.

I drove past my T's house tonight. I'm pretty sure it was her house anyways. A few months ago I googled my T, and one of the things I found was what looked to be her address. I didn't do anything then, but I did think about driving past it. I kept thinking about it once in a while, and tonight I decided to drive past it. She's on vacation this week, so I knew I wouldn't accidentally run into her. Anyways, I feel a bit guilty about this, and I feel like I should tell her about it when she gets back. But I'm worried that if I do, she'll get creeped out or be angry at me. Maybe even stop seeing me? Or set more boundaries? I don't want that to happen, and if I don't tell her, it won't. But I just feel like I should tell her. I'm probably going to drive past it again a time or two before she gets back. It was nighttime when I went past tonight, and I'd like to see it in the day. I would never knock on her door or intrude on her while she's there, but I just like to see her house and see where she lives. Is this how stalkers start? I don't have any intention to stalk her, and I don't want to scare her or make her uncomfortable. That would be another issue with telling her. I don't want to make her uncomfortable, but if I tell her she might feel that way. But I just feel kinda guilty. But at the same time, it's not like I'm doing any harm, I'm just looking at a house. Gah! What should I do?

And may I also point out that there is a reason that "curiosity killed the cat" is such a popular saying.

It never crossed my mind to be bothered when students told me they drove past my house. Any number of people drive past my house on daily basis. It is public space. Others get to be on it. Now if I lived in the middle of 50 private acres with a fence, it might concern me, but mere drive by peering in a suburban neighborhood is not something to get worked up about in my opinion.

Isn't there a rejoinder? Curiosity killed the cat - satisfaction brought it back

I hesitate to use the word abnormal or odd, having been tagged too often with those labels myself, but I do think most people would stop themselves before going out of their way to drive by someone's house. I had the impulse myself a few times during a couple of crushes in high school and college, and never acted on it.

How many people on this thread would not be bothered if they learned that what is in effect an acquaintance - not a friend, not a family member, because that is not what a therapist's clients are to them - drove out of their way just to eyeball the house where they lived? Imagine a client of yours did that, or a co-worker you didn't know well. SD has already said she isn't bothered by it, but I would be.

And may I also point out that there is a reason that "curiosity killed the cat" is such a popular saying.

This is something that wouldn't bother me - streets are public, paid for by taxes, and open to anyone. I pretty much expect that anyone going by my house might have a look at it, and it's one of the reasons I decorate it with flowers and wreaths and cut the lawn and try to make the outside look decent. If I thought I was the only one who would ever look at it I'd not bother with any of that.

I've never had the impulse to drive by a therapist's house, but I don't think it's an inherently bad thing to do. I do often pass the houses of people that I know because they are on my way somewhere, and do no more than have a little gawk to see if they might be home while thinking warmly of them.

Sure, streets are public, but that's not relevant, since I'm not claiming anything illegal or bad is happening when someone drives by another's house. I'm also not asking about just anyone passing by, though. I'm asking about someone you know going out of their way to check out your house. The idea of a student going out of their way to see where I live makes me uncomfortable. I think it would make a good number of people uncomfortable; all of this was first said in response to another poster who wondered why this is such a hot-button issue. And I think that's why.

Ah, I was just imagining someone I knew driving by my house to take a look at it, as you had referred to in your question about whether that would bother people. It wouldn't bother me, because I believe really strongly in the notion of public space, and that we are all free to be out and about in it (as long as we behave in an unthreatening manner, of course). I just wanted to express the fact that it would not make me uncomfortable and explain my reasoning.

It's cool if we disagree. I just wouldn't see it as a problem if someone I knew were curious about where I lived and wanted to drive past to see my house, no more than it troubles me that Google Earth passes by and takes a picture of it and then allows anyone in the world to access it.