Should I tell my T I drove past her house?

No.

--------

Not that it helps you now but....Google earth.
If you are just curious what It's house is like but don't want to be a creeper, it works.

I unintentionally found my t's address when I googled her to find out about her yoga classes ( couldn't remember the name of the studio). I wasn't curious before that but once I had the info it burned at me.

I Google earthed it, looked at her house and neighborhood, and since then I've never had a desire to repeat it(,its been 2 years)

I didn't tell.her though she does know i googled her. I wouldn't tell your T

Not ok.
My therapist used to have clients drive by her house or sit outside across the street. Made them "feel bette." but my T found it very creepy and unnerving. Sometimes she had to call the police.
I have had the same thing happen. Feeling like youre being watched it very uncomfortable. I have had people park their cars across from my house just to see me come outside.. I have had to get restraining orders on people who "just wanted to be my friends" and would watch me or follow me in a grocery store or whatever. Its not a good feeling.
My advice would be to stop.

I think it more interesting perhaps to see why one wants to confess such to a therapist. Drive past or don't - but confessing makes it a much bigger deal than it quite possibly is.

How far from you does she live? Is her house nearby some place else you are going?

Questions to ask yourself: What is it you are hoping to accomplish/see/satisfy by driving by? What is the purpose? Are you going to be okay if you drive by one time when t is outside and see's you fly by?

I think if you continue to drive by at the rates you are, you should discuss with your t so it doesn't spiral too far out of control.

Not a surprise, since you did say you might do it again in your op. But no, not okay. Any behavior you're unsure of - again, your op and this post are pretty clear that you're not sure this us ok - and that you don't seem able to control should be a concern to you.

At the beginning of the thread, I wouldn't have advised you to tell your therapist since it seemed like it would be unnecessary drama to me. Now it seems like it's not just curiosity - which would have been satisfied by a one-time event - but something more. I think you should tell someone who can help you at least get a measure of control over this impulse. That may or may not be your therapist.

Maybe you could tell her but then next time you feel the urge you agree to text her instead? Somehow get the urge out but also connect with her? just a thought.

I think that now as it is more than once it might be wise to tell someone not as confession but as to get help in case this becomes an issue. I usually am ok stopping my own obsessions, but could you stop it?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Are you only driving by because you know she's gone? As in, once she's back, you won't? Perhaps it's just some sort of connection while she's gone. I drive right by my T's office occasionally, it's in a different city than me, but I have a few things out that way where I have to drive by. The first time I ever did, I actually had a truck and trailer with a horse in it, going to the vet school downtown. She was on vacation then...and I didn't expect it, but kinda felt a calmness, something satisfied, after I drove by. It's hard to explain. Her office is one of many in one building, and she has always told me, whether she's in town or not, I'm always welcome to hang out in the waiting room (if another T is there, otherwise the door is locked) anytime I wanted, whether I had a session or not. She knows I like to read...so she suggested bringing a book or something. Well, I never have....and probably wouldn't.... I'm in that building 3 to 4 times a week anyway (for either my therapy or my son's)...but there was one time after that "drive by" incident where I considered taking my bag of books and driving over there and just sitting in the parking lot. I never did that either, but it was a thought. Of course, this is my T's office, not her home. Perhaps that is what you're looking for. In which case, maybe you can get it by driving by her office instead. Although I'm guessing you are only taking advantage of her being gone, and you not being caught driving by. Hopefully it stops when she returns.

Thanks guys. The reason I brought it up again is because I'm concerned about how I did it again. I do think part of the reason I'm doing it is to feel more connected and close somehow, but maybe I am doing it partly as a test too. And maybe posting about it here and seeing some responses say it wasn't that bad made me feel more okay doing it. I did feel less guilty these other times than I did the first time, but I also feel more worried about my behavior. Her house is out of my way and I didn't just drive by on my way to another place. But I do think I'm only doing this now while she's on vacation, and that once she's back I'll stop. Because when she's back I'll be able to see her and talk to her, plus she might be at home and I wouldn't want to risk having her see me. I guess if I have this urge again, I'll try to do something different like drive by the office or use Google Earth. I still haven't decided whether or not I'll tell her though. I probably won't, but if it continues to bother me I guess it would be good to talk about it and figure out why I do it. Thanks for your input everyone!

Please don't let strangers on a forum be a part of your decision making in doing something your were unsure of, and uncomfortable with from the get go.

If you need to feel connected, next time she goes on vacation, could you ask her for something of hers to have while she's gone? Nothing big or too personal - something like the stuffed animal one of mine offered me once.

Or steal her pen. I have no qualms about that.

She actually gave me her necklace that she wore all the time. I'm not sure if it's too keep or just to borrow while she's gone, but it's really special. I wear it every day. But it's also not the same as actually being with her, so I guess I still feel the need to be even closer.

Is driving by her empty house the same as actually being with her?

Maybe write down what you're feeling when you have the urge to do this. Maybe share that, and maybe share that you had the impulse to drive by - as a way to explore and grow from this.

If it's a way to get closer, you might look inside to the ways that your T has helped you. You might imagine her voice or hold the necklace and recall how she gave it to you. You might write a letter to her or speak to her in your mind.

These things don't require her house. Her house is an empty place.

Any ol' hobo can go by her house. It takes someone pretty close to her to be given a necklace to borrow as a keepsake.

No, driving by her house isn't like being with her either. Thanks, that's a good idea to think about how she's helped me, and think about her voice and things she has done. I do write letters to her, although I have no intention of showing them to her. But that helps a bit too.

"I would not tell her.

I also would not do it again."

I'm sorry but ....LOLOLOL I second this one.

Haha yeah, I probably shouldn't do it again

I drove past abusive exT's house once and spit a snotball on her driveway. I told current T who thought it was funny.

That is VERY meaningful. I think I'd die if my T did that. More like, fall apart in tears. You are very lucky.

I meant to word the above:

Please be careful in letting strangers on a forum be a part of your decision making in doing something your were unsure of, and uncomfortable with from the get go.

Whoa. I think I'm a bit shocked at how little boundary setting there is with people on this forum and their therapists. This isn't healthy in the least, but clients who are "needing" the love that wasn't given to them as children fall for this dark side of psychotherapy hook like and sinker.

Boundaries do not come one size fits all. Boundaries are different for different therapist.

What do you mean by the dark side of psychotherapy?