[Out There]

I've started this as an expansion for discussion on the dependence thread. Do you feel you can rely on your T when reaching out for what you need? My experience has been that I've asked for help and support from people that I should reasonably have got but didn't so I am now hesitant or even fearful to do it. I'm quantifying this in terms of asking for an additional appointment if you're struggling or something of that nature.

I probably could, but I don't want to because I don't need to.

ETA: because I feel I don't need to. T disagrees.

[stopdog]

I guess I rely on them to be at the appointment when they say they will and for the amount of time contracted for. Other than that, I don't know what I look to a therapist to rely on or be reliable about. I expect the first one to not talk - but she is not entirely reliable at not doing so and I constantly have to remind her to not talk.

If I send him something between sessions he'll normally respond to say he's received it but won't generally comment on the content, preferring to save that for session. If I needed an extra session I know he would try to accommodate me, but he might not be able to as he has a very full schedule. That said I once phoned him at 2pm and asked if I could see him that day, and he saw me at 4pm. So he will when he can. I can rely on him to do his best.

[ilikecats]

I do think I can rely on my T.

[Merecat]

Yes, I can rely on her to do her best for me, I can usually negotiate an additional sessions if I need to and if I contact her she will always reply even if it's just to acknowledge that I've been in touch. All content is deal with in session and I don't contact her unless I specifically need something but so far she has been extremely reliable.

Absolutely.

[stopdog]

What are you trying to rely on one of them for?

[atisketatasket]

I don't think I would see one that I perceived as unreliable. I've already crossed a few names off my No. 3 candidate list for coming across as flakes over the phone.

[Out There]

Originally Posted by stopdog

What are you trying to rely on one of them for?

Do you mean me personally? I'm happy to answer and expand if you do.

[stopdog]

Yes - I am unsure of what context it would come up

[Out There]

I'm trying to nail some of my feelings. I'm going to pinch from Atisket from the other thread that there is not a single definition to something and also from Echon about relying on a T to be the best they can. I think I can rely on my T to be the best he can without being dependent - I was having trouble getting to my own feelings - thanks all!

[nottrustin]

Yes- With the exception of a few times over the years when she has been ill, she keeps her appointments, she takes very little time off for vacations because she schedules her vacations around her work schedule so she can take a 2 week vacation and only miss one week of our appointments. When I email her she normally responds within a day or so the exceptions are when she has been sick or having computer issues. Even before going on vacation she always tells me that she will be occasionally checking her email so to email if I need to. If I need an additional appointment or if by email she thinks I might need to see her she will offer to see me on one of her non scheduled office days...

I could rely on ex t to always show up and be on time. I could never rely on how she would react or what she would say. Sometimes she would respond with honesty that she didn't know what to say.
I could rely on consistency with her. If I needed an extra appointment I knew she would always try to fit me in.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[NowhereUSA]

Yes.

This past year my depression had gotten to a place where I needed additional therapeutic support. I asked if he had any openings later in the week for a second appointment and he accommodated the request. I saw him for about twice a week for two months.

[PinkFlamingo99]

My ex-T was exteemely unreliable in spite if our disturbingly close relationship. She would constantly forget to do things she promised (like call my pdoc to consult), or email me something she promised to email me. Whenever she offered to do something like that, I never really believed it would happen. I also didn't really trust that she could help me get better and I knew deep down my issues were way over her head. She also never seemed that smart (as awful as that sounds). But I did trust her to love me and never abandon me.

I trust this one to follow up with stuff like that 100% and she always does it right away. I also trust her to do what she thinks She needs to do to keep me safe, even if I don't really like it. I also trust that she cares and likes me and genuinely wants to do what's best for me so I can get better. I also trust that she's competent and smart and experienced and she doesn't judge me.

Originally Posted by Out There

I'm quantifying this in terms of asking for an additional appointment if you're struggling or something of that nature.

Yeah, in that specific instance I am beginning to think I can rely on my T. He's recently become more understanding - I guess more tuned in to when I really need additional support.

[ChavInAHat]

My T wants me to be able to rely on her and is constantly telling me I can email between sessions if I 'need' to (although not that she gave a helpful response when I did, although it did come from a place of concern- so it's a tough one).

I have had an extra session between sessions once and that was only after she offered it about 15 times before I agreed.

I think my issue is that as much as I want to rely on T, I also don't want to over rely on her either. I don't want the boundaries to become blurred and this is all new to me as I have always been under NHS before which is no extra sessions, no outside contact and no getting to know a T because by the time you do it is over.

So it is complicated.

I really do need to have this convo with T but the problem is I have about 5 convos from the 3 week break I 'need' to discuss too all in my head are pretty urgent.

Maybe I need to ask for some extra sessions over the next few weeks to get it all out

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SingDanceRunLife]

Yes. My T always finds time to squeeze me in -- even if I called one week from school saying I'd be coming home that weekend, she'd either get me in late Friday, or Saturday morning. We'd call these "booster sessions" since at that point, being away in college, I wasn't seeing her regularly anymore. And now, I'm going back after a year away and she found a spot for me the week I get back into town. Hell, I've even had some impromptu phone sessions with her when need be.

Yes, I do feel I can rely on her.

[Out There]

Originally Posted by ChavInAHat

My T wants me to be able to rely on her and is constantly telling me I can email between sessions if I 'need' to (although not that she gave a helpful response when I did, although it did come from a place of concern- so it's a tough one).

I have had an extra session between sessions once and that was only after she offered it about 15 times before I agreed.

I think my issue is that as much as I want to rely on T, I also don't want to over rely on her either. I don't want the boundaries to become blurred and this is all new to me as I have always been under NHS before which is no extra sessions, no outside contact and no getting to know a T because by the time you do it is over.

So it is complicated.

I really do need to have this convo with T but the problem is I have about 5 convos from the 3 week break I 'need' to discuss too all in my head are pretty urgent.

Maybe I need to ask for some extra sessions over the next few weeks to get it all out

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

This is where I'm wondering if there is a difference between depend and rely. I hope everyone has found these discussions helpful , they do cross over somewhat into others , such as boundaries or rules.

[kecanoe]

I can rely on all my t. They all make a point of getting me in when needed. I think they try harder with me than with some of their other clients. I've had the ones with office staff tell them to call me first when there is a cancellation. 2 of my t's always have a waiting list.

[stopdog]

I don't worry about making an appointment with the woman. If I call and if she has an opening there is no problem. So I don't worry she will turn me and my money down because of me or anything, but as she only works one or two days a week now, it is possible there would not be an appointment due to her mostly retired status.

[eskielover]

I always had T's who would call back.....many times in the far past it was due to suicidal issues that I would make the call.

Since I left my H & moved so far away, I found a wonderful new therapy group......I tried hard not to need any help, but my T (who retired at the end of 2014), would always call me back if I called because she knew that there was something I needed help with working through....I only did that maybe 3 times in all the time I was seeing her so she knew that when I called for support it was important.

The wonderful T who took her place was my DBT group leader for 2 years & I made a wonderful connection with her during those 2 years also. It's great now that therapy is mostly being able to talk through some of the integration with my past thoughts I've been working through. We do talk about all the things I have going on in my life now & how much change I've made over the years of seeing them here....something I wasn't able to do in any of the previous 13 years of therapy while I was living with my H. He was only fueling the issues & really found out that he was at the basis for almost all the depression I had been going through.....had no idea until I left him just how bad it really was.....that was an education in itself & therapy helped me process that.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Yes, I can rely on my T. I can call her and email if I need to. Whenever a crisis comes up and I call her she calls me back the same day. In the past when I have needed emergency sessions she has fit me in last minute even if she has a tight schedule. I am very thankful she is there when I need her. I try to contact her only if things get bad. I try really hard to cope on my own before reaching out.