Hangng on to the Undefined Relationship

((( sister )))

I can relate to how you're feeling. The disconnection in my case came from the fear of rejection, disappointment, abandonment was always lurking in the back of my mind. If I stayed connected to T it would hurt twice as much when she "ditched" me, so I disconnected myself by getting mad at her for every little thing.

She wanted me to stay connected to her. She made me a tape with ways to keep myself grounded and offered suggestions on how to soothe myself and relax. Her voice at home made me more tense, lol. I felt like she was trying to brainwash me. I won't do EMDR with her even though I trust her. It's all about control.

She also gave me a beautiful, smooth stone that a Japanese artist painted. She told me what the symbols meant but my mind wandered elsewhere that day because they had meaning. I didn't "trust" why she was giving it to me. What did she want in return? What the hell was I supposed to do with her "false" caring? This wasn't what I was paying her for. Where in the contract did it say they'd be caring involved?

You say you feel smothered. I felt intruded upon. I felt like she was trying to unzip my skin and look inside and NO ONE was going to do that.

She would NOT make me feel anything for her beyond a mutual respect.

It took about five years for me to start to believe that she really did care.

I'm still working on it. Don't wait as long as I have.

Rely on T. Get what you need from the relationship. Open your heart.

OMG Petunia,

I just came from therapy and we spent the entire session discussing the relationship.

You said:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Get what you need from the relationship.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> That is exactly what T said. He is so warm and caring. (ooooh heebie jeebies)

He said he hopes I would feel safe enough to explore my longings. I said I would have to open my heart instead of my head and that frightened me. I kept floating away, becoming ungrounded because of the fear of the intimacy. But the cat's outta the bag now....the exploration has begun.

Thanks for your response.

Sister, so glad your session went so well.

I understand what you mean by the heebie jeebies!

I too am pleased that you have had a good ...open the door... session. Congrats. Tie a rock on your foot or something... He will help you get grounded.

Secret said:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Tie a rock on your foot or something

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

hahahahahaha

Well, you and T are not far apart in your sentiment. At one point i was sitting all scrunched up with my hand on my forehead and he said I wasn't going to get grounded sitting like that!!!! I laughed.