[ladyrevan21]

So yeah, basically, one of the downsides of being in therapy is that it seems like my therapist and I are at cross purposes as to what to do to help me. Sort of like she's saying that I'm living in the past too much, that I should get back to our previous action steps (basically, they're steps I should take just to make a difference in my life) and so on. Meanwhile, I mostly want to deal with the bits of memory I have and treating some of the symptoms, so to speak. And it doesn't help that whenever I bring up those symptoms, it's as if she's kind of dismissive of them. "Well, they could have other causes..." Yes, that's true; we're complex human beings. Very complex. But whatever's causing them, I want to deal with it. I mean, it's like if you broke your arm -- you can either debate again and again over how the arm got broken ("Well, maybe Patient X fell out of a tree...") or you treat the injury.

*Sighs*

I really do like my therapist, don't get me wrong. She's a wonderful lady. But it just kind of feels like there's a massive misunderstanding between us and it's really frustrating. Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on her/just not doing the "work", so to speak, but it kind of feels like lately, we've been having a difficult time communicating.

[Waterbear]

It can be hard communicating. I know I had frustrations with my T and in the end I asked her if I could send an email. Luckily she said yes and after I sent it she really seemed to get it. She said that it had filled in a lot of gaps for her, things she had missed or misheard. In reality though I probably just hadn't been clear enough or given her a lot to work with. A lot of silence in our time together. It might not apply to you but it could be worth thinking about writing down how you feel.

Hope you can get back on track.

[ladyrevan21]

Yeah. I guess I could. I'm pretty good at that stuff. Just writing stuff down.

My therapist...she really isn't a bad therapist or anything. I guess I do have a lot of stuff to talk about, including new pieces of the puzzle I'm getting. And my worries. Honestly, whatever this is, I want to deal with it at least.

[ladyrevan21]

Thanks. *Hugs* That means a lot.

[Argonautomobile]

I'm sorry you're having this trouble. I've been there, and it sucks. I wish I had some useful suggestion, but I've never found any way around this other than going 'meta'--talking about the difficulty as explicitly and specifically as possible--or just capitulating to T's view of the situation.

I hope you find a solution that works for you.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

I'm sorry you're having this trouble. I've been there, and it sucks. I wish I had some useful suggestion, but I've never found any way around this other than going 'meta'--talking about the difficulty as explicitly and specifically as possible--or just capitulating to T's view of the situation.

I hope you find a solution that works for you.

I agree, that you have to talk about the difficulty/misunderstanding, as hard as it may be. I've gone through some misunderstandings (including one very recently) with both my T and marriage counselor, and discussing it with them--in person and via e-mail--over the course of a few weeks ultimately ended up strengthening the relationship and improving the therapy. Though there was definitely some pain and anxiety in there until things were resolved.

Sending an e-mail, if your T allows it, could be helpful. I tend to express myself better in writing, and an e-mail lets you get all the thoughts out there at once. Hope it all works out for you!

[ladyrevan21]

Thank you. Really. We did a bit of texting. We talked, basically. It was brief, but it got to clear up one thing, though not everything. We might talk more on Thursday.

[Soccer mom]

Maybe she's afraid you'll get stuck in the past and/or are using it to avoid talking about other things?

When my ex-T. and I had the same issue, I realized I didn't feel heard. It's not that she couldn't say "hey, we need to go this direction" but I never felt she really heard what I needed. So, maybe it would help if she said "I hear that you would like to ______ but this is why I think this direction is better. Or maybe you could compromise on doing a little of past and present?

[ladyrevan21]

Maybe. I might bring it up with her next appointment.

[Salmon77]

I find myself wondering what kind of therapy orientation she has--CBT, DBT, psychodynamic, ...? Some therapists are more interested in looking at the past than others. It's not clear how long you've been seeing this therapist but it seems to me that you might need someone with a different approach.

[ladyrevan21]

CBT, mostly. I mean, I wish I could find someone with a different approach but I don't really have the money to do so. I could try and find somebody to temporarily replace the group sessions I briefly ended. Probably doesn't even have to be a therapist. Just...anyone.

[Salmon77]

Yeah, my impression is that CBT really focuses more on present behavior and thought processes, and tends not to dig into the past very much (someone correct me if I'm wrong). If talking about the past is important to you, it might be better to look for someone more on the psychodynamic end of things. It sounds like your current T is pretty frustrating, I hope you can find someone more in tune with your needs.

[ladyrevan21]

Yeah. I'm not planning on ditching her, just getting additional help to beat this thing. It's the best I can do.

[stopdog]

I think a cbt therapist is not going to be able to help you with what you need. It would irritate me to no end for one of those guys to try and tell me I couldn't talk about what I wanted to.

[ladyrevan21]

So I guess the question is, what do I need to actually get something out of this?

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by ladyrevan21

So I guess the question is, what do I need to actually get something out of this?

Communicate or capitulate, would be my guess. If you don't want to leave and can't change your T's approach, you can try to change yours.

[ladyrevan21]

I did communicate with her. I said that if I wanted to lick this thing, I needed additional help.

[Argonautomobile]

So what did she say to that?

[ladyrevan21]

She basically said she didn't know of any resources that could help me. Also that actually, well, trying to heal myself and get through this is actually not the best strategy (I'm just thinking of reading stuff on

Possible trigger:

abuse

just to sort out my concerns and, more importantly, heal the issues I have, because whatever I experienced I do need to heal from it). I just...I swear next therapy session, I am getting a new therapist, because it's clear that she can't help me.

[Argonautomobile]

I'm really sorry it didn't work out with this therapist. I hope you find what you need.

[ladyrevan21]

Yeah. Same here.

Originally Posted by ladyrevan21

She basically said she didn't know of any resources that could help me. Also that actually, well, trying to heal myself and get through this is actually not the best strategy (I'm just thinking of reading stuff on

Possible trigger:

abuse

just to sort out my concerns and, more importantly, heal the issues I have, because whatever I experienced I do need to heal from it). I just...I swear next therapy session, I am getting a new therapist, because it's clear that she can't help me.

Kind of an in-between cbt and working on history is rebt. My therapist was primarily behavioral, but used a variety of modalities, working to keep me primarily moving forward in my present while resolving my past. If you are looking for a resource that might be helpful, one book my therapist recommended to me was The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Bourne (if I remember correctly). He didn't ask me to read all of it, but kind of in the middle of the book are two or three chapters that basically outline the rebt approach to working through current issues while exploring the past and how that past comes up in our present. The middle chapters were over mistaken beliefs (things we've come to believe about ourselves because of our history/past experiences that continue to affect our present) and self talk (that inner dialogue we have with ourselves because of those mistaken beliefs).

I found those two or three chapters helpful. There was a set of questions to work through that has you explore exactly where that self talk came from in your life. It was something I read through quickly the first time, and then later, when I was ready, I really took some time to work through and journal through on my own. It took awhile and was difficult work actually. I gained some good and helpful insights that also helped me understand more what my therapist was trying to explain about that connection between my past and my present. He also wasn't big on spending too much time rehashing my abuse history; he really believed too much time spent doing that without a very specific purpose in the present often causes more trauma rather than healing. When I worked through the exercises in this book I started seeing more of the connections and it did help our sessions become for focused on exactly what I needed to process and revisit in order to move forward, and what could be left right back there in my past.

Just a suggestion since you mentioned finding resources. It seems like I've seen parts of the book reproduced on the internet somewhere, but you could glance through a copy at a bookstore and get an idea if it might something helpful. Again, you may not need the whole book. My T just particularly liked the simplicity and directness and helpful guide provided in those chapters.

[ladyrevan21]

You know, come to think of it, I think I have something similar in my room. My dad gave it to me.

Just to be clear, I really don't know if I was

Possible trigger:

abused

or not; I might have to actually meet with a good therapist for that. I'm still working things out. (I know, I know...it's a slow process)

[ladyrevan21]

So my therapist apologized. That's a plus, honestly. I don't know exactly what happened, but I'm thinking of at least working on the symptoms that are bothering me. Which...may help.