[PinkFlamingo99]

I'm home now and supposed to be starting the PHP on Monday

Possible trigger:

long story short, I cut again and got sent to the ER again for stitches

The way it works is they put you in the normal ER, fix your physical stuff, then send you to psych.

I got the same doctor as the one who did the big amount of stitches on me last week.

He told me he's sick of wasting time on me since i do it to myself, and last week he spent 3 hours giving stitcjhes, and now he has to waste more time stitching me when there's people he coukd be helping who dont hurt themselves on purpose.

So just said sorry for wasting your time, left and couldnt stop crying. Then my psychiatrist calls me and says he saw on the computer i left and im not allowed to leave becayse the cuts are too bad, i refused to go back (I was sitting and crying in the bathroom of the hospital and trying to bandage myself back up),

Possible trigger:

when you have the fat exposed, everything sticks to it very quickly so I was trying to layer pieces of a plastic bag over the cuts

they had to comd get me and bring me to psychiatry and have someone sent to stitch me there. I feel like the most worthless person ever. My psychiatrist was so mad, he filed a complaint against the doctor but im nevrr going there again, even if i cut my arm off.

I've never hated myself more than I do right now. I feel disgusting and worthless and selfish. I really would have just left without bothering with stitches. I only go when they send me from psychiatry.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

I've never hated myself more than I do right now. I feel disgusting and worthless and selfish. I really would have just left without bothering with stitches.

Pink - you are none of these things. Your psychiatrist's reaction to the other doctor should tell you that. One does not talk to patients like that. Period.

And I still say you're one of the strongest people I know. I wish I were as tough as you.

So sorry you've had a bad day. I just don't understand why they continue to let you go home when you are clearly not safe alone for any period of time right now. I hope PHP goes well for you. Perhaps the additional supervision will keep you safer. Take care of yourself.

[Bipolar Warrior]

It hurts me that some vile doctor actually said that to you. I'm glad your psychiatrist filed a complaint! What kind of person says a thing like that to someone who is clearly in both physical AND emotional pain? If anyone is disgusting and selfish, it's HIM. People like that make me sick and I don't think they should be medical professionals if they can't treat people in pain with the compassion they deserve. Does he not see that the emotional cuts are the deepest ones? Or maybe he does and thinks you do that to yourself as well! (Like any of us would?!) If a patient who is hurting is such an inconvenience to him, he really needs to remove himself from the premises. I'm so sorry you had to experience that. Basically suggesting that you are a waste of his time? Who does he think he is?! What an arsewipe!

I agree with ATAT that you are an incredibly strong person. You've suffered so much, and your ability to keep fighting is remarkable. That sort of battle requires immense strength and courage. You have a lot to be proud of.

[stopdog]

Mds can be total assholes. Sorry you had to deal with that complete waste of guy.

I have alternatives I use rather than mds. I have one guy who was a practicing md but is now an herbalist =he turned in his license because he got sick of the western medical approach.

[LonesomeTonight]

Sending you big hugs, Pink...that ER doc was way out of line. Your emotional pain is showing itself as physical pain and trauma. But he is too clueless to see that. Forget him. Your p-doc's reaction was correct. The thought of you sitting alone on the floor in the hospital bathroom trying to bandage your own wounds just makes me feel both sad and angry for you. (Not angry *at* you, angry on your behalf.)

So you're at home now? How will you keep yourself safe between now and Monday? Will your p-doc or T be checking in with you? Is there a social worker type person who can? Can you remove any kind of cutting implements from your residence for now? Please hang in there...I hope the PHP will help you...is that all day on weekdays? Again, hugs...you don't deserve to be in anywhere near this much emotional or physical pain...or any at all, really...

[1stepatatime]

So sorry that you had to hear that nonsense from that dr. Clearly he is ignorant and could use a few classes in his bedside manner and knowledge of why people self harm. I hope that you are doing better this evening.. Hang tough, you got this!!👍👍😊😊😊😊

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

So sorry you've had a bad day. I just don't understand why they continue to let you go home when you are clearly not safe alone for any period of time right now. I hope PHP goes well for you. Perhaps the additional supervision will keep you safer. Take care of yourself.

We don't really have inpatient the same way you guys do. There's only a certain number of beds and there's no therapy. Basically it's just for short periods and once they think you're stabilized they let you leave. The entire city has less than 150 beds for psychiatry and most of them end up being people who are psychotic or immediately suicidal. We aren't paying customers in the same way as you are in US hospitals. For example, the estimated wait time in the ER today was 8 hours. I guess that was part of the reason why he was mad. I'm staying at the crisis centre til at least Monday.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Pink - you are none of these things. Your psychiatrist's reaction to the other doctor should tell you that. One does not talk to patients like that. Period.

And I still say you're one of the strongest people I know. I wish I were as tough as you.

Thank you so much. I'm struggling so badly with the self-hatred and trying to figure out how much of this is my fault. I've never felt more ashamed in my life.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by Bipolar Warrior

It hurts me that some vile doctor actually said that to you. I'm glad your psychiatrist filed a complaint! What kind of person says a thing like that to someone who is clearly in both physical AND emotional pain? If anyone is disgusting and selfish, it's HIM. People like that make me sick and I don't think they should be medical professionals if they can't treat people in pain with the compassion they deserve. Does he not see that the emotional cuts are the deepest ones? Or maybe he does and thinks you do that to yourself as well! (Like any of us would?!) If a patient who is hurting is such an inconvenience to him, he really needs to remove himself from the premises. I'm so sorry you had to experience that. Basically suggesting that you are a waste of his time? Who does he think he is?! What an arsewipe!

I agree with ATAT that you are an incredibly strong person. You've suffered so much, and your ability to keep fighting is remarkable. That sort of battle requires immense strength and courage. You have a lot to be proud of.

Thank you! I appreciate it. It really sucks that even doctors don't understand mental illness. Last week when he stitched me, he told them I didn't need a psych consult because I willingly did it to myself. I ended up in psych because of my pdoc anyway but I guess this doctor doesn't see self harm as an illness?

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Mds can be total assholes. Sorry you had to deal with that complete waste of guy.

I have alternatives I use rather than mds. I have one guy who was a practicing md but is now an herbalist =he turned in his license because he got sick of the western medical approach.

Thanks. I wonder if I could find somewhere else to go for stitches. Sometimes they seem to have god complexes. I have such bad anxiety just walking into the ER. When they triaged me, my heart rate was 140, hospitals are just scary.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Sending you big hugs, Pink...that ER doc was way out of line. Your emotional pain is showing itself as physical pain and trauma. But he is too clueless to see that. Forget him. Your p-doc's reaction was correct. The thought of you sitting alone on the floor in the hospital bathroom trying to bandage your own wounds just makes me feel both sad and angry for you. (Not angry *at* you, angry on your behalf.)

So you're at home now? How will you keep yourself safe between now and Monday? Will your p-doc or T be checking in with you? Is there a social worker type person who can? Can you remove any kind of cutting implements from your residence for now? Please hang in there...I hope the PHP will help you...is that all day on weekdays? Again, hugs...you don't deserve to be in anywhere near this much emotional or physical pain...or any at all, really...

I'm at the crisis centre til at least Monday. I guess I'm not safe. I'm starting the php on monday and I gave my T my razor blades. I hate myself so much right now. Why have I been like this, totally out of control, for 5 weeks just for getting fired?

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by 1stepatatime

So sorry that you had to hear that nonsense from that dr. Clearly he is ignorant and could use a few classes in his bedside manner and knowledge of why people self harm. I hope that you are doing better this evening.. Hang tough, you got this!!👍👍😊😊😊😊

Thank you! You'd think they would at least be used to it enough. I felt so horrible and guilty.

[Bipolar Warrior]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

Thank you! I appreciate it. It really sucks that even doctors don't understand mental illness. Last week when he stitched me, he told them I didn't need a psych consult because I willingly did it to myself. I ended up in psych because of my pdoc anyway but I guess this doctor doesn't see self harm as an illness?

WHAT? That makes literally no sense. Like really, no sense at all. Does he think people self-harm for fun? And who does he think needs psych consults? People who accidentally injured themselves?

Doctors are supposed to be intelligent people, but sometimes they appear to be monumentally stupid. I'm occasionally left wondering how on earth the person even got into med school… anywhere.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by Bipolar Warrior

WHAT? That makes literally no sense. Like really, no sense at all. Does he think people self-harm for fun? And who does he think needs psych consults? People who accidentally injured themselves?

Doctors are supposed to be intelligent people, but sometimes they appear to be monumentally stupid. I'm occasionally left wondering how on earth the person even got into med school… anywhere.

I'm guessing he thinks I did it for attention and didn't want to give me any more attention than I already got? I'm not really sure. He also said last week, "this is not going to kill you, just destroy the use of your arm," in a really angry tone.

[Bipolar Warrior]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

I'm guessing he thinks I did it for attention and didn't want to give me any more attention than I already got? I'm not really sure. He also said last week, "this is not going to kill you, just destroy the use of your arm," in a really angry tone.

He sounds like a grumpy sod and I hope you never have to deal with him again. You deserve so much better than that wanker.

[PinkFlamingo99]

He was young and attractive. Ego.

Back in the day. When I od'd regularly. I had a dr in A&E tell me to 'do it' properly next time. You can imagine how I felt.

The pain of hearing that still resides within me. BUT I think maybe as my suicidle behavior was partly an attempt to feel cared for, I'm not sure if my fantasy, and it was fantasy of hospitals being the place where people care would have ended up killing me.

When I was 5 ams in hospital having my tonsils out, I remember pretending being asleep and sticking my arm out or the bed wanting a nurse to touch me ( my neglect caused my desire to be touched/cared for feel unbearable so had to be stolen) She would gently put my arm back.
That was the beginnig of my quest with hospitals.

Now, after 12yrs of therapy. I'm aware what I needed want ever going to be found by drs, nurses A&E visits. What a cold existence that time was. The drs dissimissive attitude was the first crack in the fantasys in my head. Took a few more visits before the pain within me for so bad that facing the underlying issues was all I could do.

[PinkFlamingo99]

I actually hate hospitals. There's nothing remotely caring about the hospitals here. Even when I was in for gallbladder surgery a lot of the staff were overworked and mean as hell. I only get stitches when I'm forced.

[retro_chic]

I'm sorry you had to go through that .

I've never experienced going to the ER for SI but I do know what it's like to see a so-called medical professional only for them to not give a s***. Some people are just terrible at their job and it is not a reflection on you!

[divine1966]

This doctor is a moron. So sorry for your experience. Hang in there pink

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Gavinandnikki]

As a MD myself, I see d!ck head docs all the time. ALL the time.
I'm so sorry you got a bad one.

Thinking of you daily and praying that you may find some peace within yourself.

[Piickles]

Try not to let it get to you pinkflamingo - I try and tell myself that doctors have to fit in so much medical/surgical knowledge that they don't have any room in their brains for normal things like empathy and understanding. Let's hope his stitching is better than his bed side manner!

So sorry you're having such a rough time - hang in there!

[yagr]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

He told me he's sick of wasting time on me since i do it to myself, and last week he spent 3 hours giving stitcjhes, and now he has to waste more time stitching me when there's people he coukd be helping who dont hurt themselves on purpose.

I'm all about peace, love and happiness. I'm a vegetarian because I can't bear the idea that any living being must suffer and die when I have alternatives for food. I hope I've established my non-violent, pacifist nature in the last two sentences because it'll put my next sentence into perspective for you.

I'd have been in prison right now for what I would have done to that doctor if I'd have been there to hear that. Really. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

I've never hated myself more than I do right now. I feel disgusting and worthless and selfish. I really would have just left without bothering with stitches. I only go when they send me from psychiatry.

Judging from the outpouring of support on this thread, there are many here who recognize your worth, even if you don't. So far it is 22-1 for the idea that you have a great deal of worth. I know I don't know you except for reading your posts here but that's enough for me to say this: I love you.

[Duckling000]

This makes me so angry, and so sad to hear. It just goes to show how far we still have to go before mental health is regarded in the same way as physical health. What chance is there of the general public changing their views when there are d*ckhead doctors like this still about? I am so so sorry to hear about this. Please feel reassured that the problem is ENTIRELY his, and not yours. You deserved much better care than this.