call for therapist voices at table: When therapist "dumps" client

BonnieJean · Apr 08, 2016, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BayBrony

Three . my T says "whatever happens, our connection will live in both our hearts always"
She also has said that the therapy relationship, while different, is sometimes deeper and more intimate than a friendship.

Mine has said this, too.

nottrustin · Apr 08, 2016, 05:16 PM

T has never said she would be there forever she did say she would work until she was in her 80's. She is in her late 60's and medically things are changing. I know life happens so I didn't anticipate she would always be there no matter what happened. In the beginning she didn't think I would be long term like this. She has said the only way she is going anywhere is if her medical issues get worse. Even then I would be one of the first person to know and she would let me know way in advance so we could could take our time finding the right replacement for her.

ScarletPimpernel · Apr 08, 2016, 05:18 PM

I was abandoned by ex-T. Everyone thought she was a great T, even people here on PC. She said the things that sound wonderful (i.e. I won't leave you, I won't abandon you, I'm here for you, I care about you, etc). She still left me and I don't know why. She also asked me to not contact her.

I did look for a new T after the abandonment. I had to. I wasn't going to survive on my own. New T has been good. We talk about termination often: when, why, length, etc. We also talk about our relationship. It helps keep things realistic.

T and I sometimes talk about why ex-T might have left me. We have two new theories. 1. Ex-T and I crossed boundaries? and she didn't know how to fix it. 2. She couldn't accept my secret, but didn't want to say so because I then wouldn't tell anyone else.

T told me that she has even discussed my situation with her group of Ts (like a support group for Ts), and they all agreed that ex-T handled it poorly.

Apr 08, 2016, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BayBrony

Three . my T says "whatever happens, our connection will live in both our hearts always"
She also has said that the therapy relationship, while different, is sometimes deeper and more intimate than a friendship.

My t has shared this with me as well.

Apr 09, 2016, 12:16 AM

When I hear of ts saying "I love you" and "I will never leave" I get such a bad reaction. Each to their own but if a t said those to me I would run to the hills because I would wonder what their motivation in saying that would be. It feels like manipulation and more like their needs. That's just my stuff but I would be very weary of them.
As a t in training I am very upfront about my limitations and availability, I am painfully aware of termination and abandonment after being abandoned by two ts. I never make a promise I can't keep and therapy is on cclients terms. I tell them what theories and techniques and why. Some are interested and more just want to talk. I gently remind clients that they can leave when they wish and come back if they wish later on. As a t and a client I firmly believe that the client has all of the power and control.

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Lauliza · 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

It is a job for them. Clients are not that interesting or special for the most part. The therapist is often more unique to the client than vice versa. I don't think it matters whether they care or not. But even if one of them does care as general proposition, it is not going to keep them from being self-protective, or focussed on career changes, or their own life and if a client does not fit into that - the client is going to be a client of theirs no longer. I think the problem often comes from clients being lead to believe the illusion that it is not a job for those guys.

I think this is fairly true. That doesn't mean Ts see all clients are "just" a job and I think they do care about people. However, most Ts compartmentalize relationships with their clients, in much the same way teachers and other service providers do, so they can keep their personal life separate. Otherwise they wouldn't be able to have lives of their own - families, career and social lives have to remain their priority or they would eventually lose all of these things.

That said, I think some Ts do encourage the illusion that the therapeutic relationship is more personal than it really is. Even the best intentioned Ts can do this simply because their perspective is so different from the clients perspective. It may very well be a flaw in the system in this way. I think clients who are more susceptible to getting overly attached or who struggle with boundaries end up feeling abandoned and betrayed when the illusion falls apart. I also think some Ts struggle with boundaries (probably moreso than clients) or have their own neediness, which just makes a client even more vulnerable.

Still, although it doesn't seem like it from these forums, many clients have no interest in their T on any personal level - even if they really like their T and therapy. And many Ts are very clear about their role from the get go and don't struggle with boundaries. But for the others who don't see it this way, they can often create a false reality and cause a lot of hurt.

Misssy2 · Apr 09, 2016, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ramie

I've been amazed by the overwhelming number of painful posts by clients who were abandoned by a T. I suffered this devastating betrayal about 5 years ago and identified with so many poster's experience anonymity here gives therapists an opportunity to answer some of the big questions and to tell the other side of the story without fear I'm one of the many who, years later continue to struggle and be left with confusion and significant trust problems. I urge the (sizeable group of) therapists who make up the other side of this equation to help us all out. answer that hanging "why?" and even your own pain if you felt it. this isn't an ethical inquiry so please bypass the urge to "make your case" or respond with the "right" answers. you're off the record so tell it true I think both sides can benefit We can try to learn and heal as we start a dialogue that is needed if we are to address the fact that a disturbingly high number of former therapy clients have been harmed

Sadly, my experience has prevented me from seeking help I was given the explicit impression that I could trust my therapist I was promised a great deal of loyalty and honesty My therapist spent 2 years telling me things that one day (without warning or explanation) suddenly meant nothing we had a close knit relationship one day and then she sent an em to ail basically I got half-assed, embarrassingly over-vague "explanation" that practically screamed "blah, blah...load of crap...***-covering list of a few referrals....blah, blah... gesture of condescending lack of regard for you"

I never got any answers and my requests for closure were met with a cold, poorly veiled angry string of useless remarks that presumably had some value in service to someone other than me. rather than any useful info I walked away of a 2 year old relationship completely broken and a bonus kick to the gut in the form of a declaration of "no further communication" if you are asking yourself, "what horrible thing did this person do to his therapist?" (because I sure as hell wanted to know).... that question was never even acknowledged

How do I even begin to consider therapy now? it was the worst experience of my life I spent a small fortune to be damaged deeply. My life remains significantly diminished

REACH OUT AND ENCOURAGE THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CONVERSATION TO COME TO THE TABLE I wish I could offer my former therapist a seat at the table... just one of many anonymous voices. But I cant use her name

I can only hope that this post will make its way to a place in Texas where they serve heaps of Italian? or maybe Latvian? concoctions

Hi...did you meet all your appointments? I didn't because I was diagnosed with Major Depression...some days I couldn't make it or I would "forget" I had an appointment. I was so peed off when I go the notice in the mail that "she" was dumping me. It said due to missed appointments and failure to comply with treatment suggestions.

The failure to comply with treatment suggestions was because the medicine was making me sick and she insisted I kept trying it. The not showing up? I thought as a psychiatrist...since she was the one that diagnosed MDD...she would understand that it would be typical with someone in my condition to miss appointments.

So if you missed appointments or had trouble with medication...that could have been the reason? They are all about $$$$$$$$

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call for therapist voices at table: When therapist "dumps" client

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