i was talking to an online chat service (not the same one as last time) and the person kept saying that i need to talk to my psychologist and psychiatrist and tell them everything about the demons and the others in my head they kept saying i was unwell and that the others in my head were lying to me and that all of this is because of my "illness" and that my psychiatrist and psychologist dont want to hurt me.

does everyone really think this? i am not sick and the others arent lying to me they want to help me. why do they think i am "sick"?

also should i tell my psychologist about me talking to them?

I think most people believe that the others are lying to you, Eden. I do think it would be good for you to be open with your psychologist about all of it, including you talking to them.

[atisketatasket]

"Sick" is kind of a loaded term. I would not say that you were sick, but it does seem to me that the others in your head are not your friends - they have been making you miserable for months and keep making unreasonable demands of you - and that you should ask for help in dealing with them.

Take good care, Eden.

Sounds pretty much exactly the same as people have been saying to you here on PC. You need help Eden. You aren't well. You don't even understand that which makes trying to support you very difficult. There just isn't much we can say at this point. They people who can best help you are your pdoc and T.

[here today]

It seems to me that your mind is not functioning well. Your mind, of course, is not the same as you. But it's a part of you. When my mind is not functioning well it is hard to me to know what to do and to see things clearly. That's what I think people are thinking and trying to say.

I have had psychologists and psychiatrists who have hurt me, usually unintentionally. But over time I think my mind, and how I understand myself and the world has gotten better. Can you talk to your psychologist and psychiatrist about your fears they will hurt you and what you and they can do if it happens to make things OK again?

[BayBrony]

We ALL have voices in our heads.
But most of them are friendly, kind, and not controlling.
Mine say things like "don't forget to send your nephew that birthday card!" " remember to stand up for yourself thus time" " there's nothing to be afraid of"

Eden, your voices are abusive and telling you you need to tell someone and get help is no different from telling someone with an abusive spouse that they need to get help. The others bully you and force you to do what they want even though you are miserable. That's abusive and mean. So yes, that IS what everyone thinks..its not healthy to.let yourself be hurt in this way and you need help

[divine1966]

Yes, to answer your question everyone thinks that you aren't well and you need medical help. There isn't one person here who reads this and thinks it is all good. We understand that you think you are well and there are really helpful creatures in your head. We can't diagnose you as if you are sick and what exactly you have but we do know you need medical help. Things will be getting worse until you do something about it

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[Gettingitsoon]

BayBrony, I really like your post, it makes alot of sense to me and my life.

Eden, I am new to this forum but have been following your posts.
Please listen to everyone here and open up to your professional team about what you are describing to us. You are just not thinking clearly. I've been there, most of us have.
Please get the help you need in real life. There is a limit to what an online forum can provide.

Wishing you peace.

I don't think you're a sick as you would believe.
I won't talk about the thoughts I had before therapy.

[precaryous]

The others bully you to hurt yourself and others. That is the opposite of helpful. That you cannot see this further convinces me you are not well.

The others are hurting you. Your world is full of pain, fear, isolation and severe depression. Imo, the others significantly contribute to this.

You write you want to scream, hit yourself and bang your head against the wall. If you saw me do this...if you even read me post these things....would you think I needed help...or would you think I was well?

Wishing you safety and peace.

Pre

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I don't think you're a sick as you would believe.
I won't talk about the thoughts I had before therapy.

I don't understand what you mean by any of this.

Originally Posted by precaryous

The others bully you to hurt yourself and others. That is the opposite of helpful. That you cannot see this further convinces me you are not well.

The others are hurting you. Your world is full of pain, fear, isolation and severe depression. Imo, the others significantly contribute to this.

You write you want to scream, hit yourself and bang your head against the wall. If you saw me do this...if you even read me post these things....would you think I needed help...or would you think I was well?

Wishing you safety and peace.

Pre

I would ask them why they felt like that and then go from there they might just have lost someone or be in a really tough situation but that doesn't mean they are sick.

[divine1966]

People do sometimes have meltdowns when somethings bad happened or like you said they lost someone, that happens. But you've been feeling like this for a long time. What do you think is the best course of action for you to make you feel better? We want to help but just don't know how. Others and demons seem to get more difficult with time. Or you think they are about the same? We aren't saying you are sick but demons and others make your life hard. What could be done to get rid of them?

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[JustShakey]

(((Eden)))

[Bipolar Warrior]

I think your perception of reality is severely warped.

I've never heard voices, but I can tell you my own story as an example: I grew up with bipolar disorder, and no one knew. I was not diagnosed until about four years ago, when I was 23. Before that I lived my life thinking that being depressed and not wanting to be alive was normal, and that periods of racing thoughts and extreme irritability were normal as well. I just thought other people were able to manage their moods, whereas I was the one who was "bad at life". I was told off all the time for my terrible behaviour, and my "laziness" (when I was depressed), and I thought I deserved that. I had no sense of normalcy.

My wakeup call came when I finally went to see a doctor because of how physically exhausted I was. My GP took one look at me and wanted to screen me for depression. I thought the very idea was preposterous. Me? Depressed? Of course not!

As most of us will know, they ask you about the various symptoms of depression and ask you to use a scale of 1-5, with 5 being the highest, to indicate the extent to which you feel the different symptoms. As my doctor was asking me to rate how I was feeling, I found myself thinking, "Actually, I feel like I should say 5, which probably means I'm depressed, so I won't say that. But surely no one feels happy enough to say 1! I don't want to make myself sound too happy. Normal people probably feel somewhere between 2-3 for most of these." So my answers were mostly 2s and 3s. I thought I was doing well. When I was told at the end of it that I should be on medication I had no idea how that could be the case, because I had lied, giving the answers I'd presumed to be "average".

That day I learned, even if I denied it out loud, that the way I had felt throughout my life was not how it's supposed to be. I'd spent my childhood and teenage years accepting harsh criticism everywhere I turned because I thought other people were right; I thought I was a bad person. I thought I was weak or something. Instead it turned out that I was mentally unwell, and that it wasn't my fault. As a child I was mostly a rapid cycler, and most of the time I had no idea what was going on, only that I couldn't control it. Then I would come down from my "upswings" and feel extremely ashamed of myself. I'd beat myself up, knowing that others would do the same. I accepted that this was my reality. I accepted it as the truth.

But it wasn't the truth. I thought the idea of being mentally ill was scary, but I have come to realise that I'd be just as bipolar with or without a diagnosis, but with a diagnosis I can get help. I can get the treatment I need to feel better.

The overwhelming majority of people will tell you that you're not well, because you're not. No one here is going to tell you that the way you feel is okay. You need help. Just because you think something is "normal" and how it's supposed to be, that doesn't mean you're right in thinking that. In my case, I was wrong: not everyone experiences those kinds of mood swings. In fact, it isn't normal at all, and once I accepted that, I could also accept that I needed help.

Please get help, eden. Life has the potential to be so much better for you than it is right now, and you deserve a better life. You deserve a life that's free of abusive voices.

Take care of yourself.

I never said i was normal i think normal is different for everyone this is just my normal.

[precaryous]

Eden,

Sincerely, im trying to understand. I agree, none of us here know the entire context of your situation. But we are trying to help you. Many of us have been depressed, heard voices and/or felt some of the issues you experience. These issues can be scary!

Do the others and/or demons help you in some way? How do they keep you safe? Do you want to keep them...or is it you feel you have no choice? Have you always had the others and demons?

You don't have to answer...I'm not trying to pry. I'm trying to understand so I don't post responses that frustrate you. I want to be helpful...if you are looking/asking for help.

Peace and Health,
Pre

[glitches]

Originally Posted by eden1515

I never said i was normal i think normal is different for everyone this is just my normal.

Are you OK with this being normal forever more?

[Bipolar Warrior]

Originally Posted by eden1515

I never said i was normal i think normal is different for everyone this is just my normal.

While "normal" is largely subjective, there are ways you can apply the term objectively. For example, being mentally ill isn't the norm. Most people don't experience volatile mood swings or hear abusive voices in their head. What I have realised is that the "1" on the depression scale doesn't actually represent "happiness"; what it really means is that one is "content", which was a concept that was foreign to me when I was screened for depression the first time.

When people object to the word "normal" when I say that I'm not, I explain to them that there is a lot of room for "normalcy", that the mood spectrum is wide. It's when someone ventures on the outside of one of the two "normal" ends of the spectrum that we are talking about something abnormal - in other words, a mood disorder.

Imagine that a doctor tells you you have an abnormal cell growth somewhere in your body, or that your blood count is abnormal. Would you question that by saying, "Maybe this is my normal?" You wouldn't, would you? You wouldn't want to accept that you had a mass of cells in your body that wasn't supposed to be there. So why would you want to accept that you have abusive voices in your head when so many people are telling you that they are not supposed to be there?

[divine1966]

I like previous posters comparison to physical illness. If you had a broken leg and require a cast you wouldn't argue that it is your normal and you are not sick and don't need treatment. Yet having demons and others in your head telling you to kill people is something that doesn't require treatment. Something that causes you continuous distress yet it doesn't require any treatment?

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by eden1515

I never said i was normal i think normal is different for everyone this is just my normal.

But your normal causes you much distress. Do you think you can try changing it?

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Bipolar Warrior

I think your perception of reality is severely warped.

Easy now.

Originally Posted by Bipolar Warrior

The overwhelming majority of people will tell you that you're not well, because you're not. No one here is going to tell you that the way you feel is okay. You need help. Just because you think something is "normal" and how it's supposed to be, that doesn't mean you're right in thinking that. In my case, I was wrong: not everyone experiences those kinds of mood swings. In fact, it isn't normal at all, and once I accepted that, I could also accept that I needed help.

Who gets to decide what is "normal"? And is it really appropriate for people on this forum to be making that sort of diagnosis and assessment? Maybe the OP's condition and behavior is a reasonable adaptive response to her life. Also I think there is nothing to be gained from automatically labeling such a thing as an "illness". Not saying OP does not need help in some fashion, just not sure what.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I like previous posters comparison to physical illness. If you had a broken leg and require a cast you wouldn't argue that it is your normal and you are not sick and don't need treatment. Yet having demons and others in your head telling you to kill people is something that doesn't require treatment. Something that causes you continuous distress yet it doesn't require any treatment?

But voices in the head, depression, etc are not simple medical conditions. These are abstract experiences that cannot be diagnosed or tested or quantified in the manner of a broken bone or a B12 deficiency.

I dont understand the impulse to medicalize this stuff (actually I do, it's decades of conditioning by the MH biz). Maybe the OP just needs some freaking understanding and compassion and healthy human connection.

[Bipolar Warrior]

Originally Posted by BudFox

Easy now.

Who gets to decide what is "normal"? And is it really appropriate for people on this forum to be making that sort of diagnosis and assessment? Maybe the OP's condition and behavior is a reasonable adaptive response to her life. Also I think there is nothing to be gained from automatically labeling such a thing as an "illness". Not saying OP does not need help in some fashion, just not sure what.

Oh, my dear BudFox. I think we all know that psychosis happens because the brain is trying to protect the person from their reality. It's like with autoimmune disorders with the way the immune system reacts to healthy body tissue by attacking and destroying it, because it is unable to distinguish it from an antigen. The immune system "thinks" it is doing its job, but it is actually causing harm. The same applies here; the brain has created a perception of reality that is harmful to eden. With treatment, these things can improve. Without treatment, your body, or your brain, will eventually destroy you.

I'm not sure what you are trying to achieve with this comment, but I wrote mine because I want to help eden. If you want to criticise me for that, go right ahead. It doesn't faze me.

[Bipolar Warrior]

Originally Posted by BudFox

But voices in the head, depression, etc are not simple medical conditions. These are abstract experiences that cannot be diagnosed or tested or quantified in the manner of a broken bone or a B12 deficiency.

I dont understand the impulse to medicalize this stuff (actually I do, it's decades of conditioning by the MH biz). Maybe the OP just needs some freaking understanding and compassion and healthy human connection.

You are right, there are no concrete tests that can be done in order to diagnose someone with a mental illness. We have to use the knowledge and the methods we do have in order to pinpoint what is most likely wrong and what can be done to help the person who is suffering.

I think everyone here has given eden plenty of compassion, but at the same time we cannot ignore that she also needs professional help that none of us can provide, and that she needs to go out and seek it for herself. We would not be taking time out of our day to do any of this if we didn't care and didn't want to connect with eden. We are all here because we care about other people.