My T is a complete blank slate, she has almost never said anything to me that is not a reflection back of what I am saying to her or an analysis of it, or a question about it. She never shares any thoughts about anything else. I am questioning whether this is helpful. It feels hard to feel that we have a relationship. I wish she would share something. I don't mean personal things, I mean something like a poem she likes or something she saw or read. My ex-T used to share thoughts with me about other things. I used to feel that it made her a little vulnerable, and that it made us closer, and I felt that it was a good thing for my therapy. I'm curious about what you all think about this. And what other people's experience of it is.

You can select multiple answers on the poll.

[Luce]

My long term t shared just the right amount of stuff, I reckon. It never felt like too much, but she was open to share some stuff if it was relevant to what was happening in therapy.
One t I saw only a few times shared way too much stuff about her own life for my liking. It really wasn't helpful for her to share so much unsolicited information about her in every session.

When we srarted therapy. T wasnt sitting waiting for us to turn up in their lives so they could share their lifes with us.
They had a skill that we as clients needed/wanted.

Why suddenly does that change to us needing them to self disclose?

That's something I've thought about.

Over the years though, we have discussed things we both like.

But sometimes I think about the desire to know. But I'm not the only client. Imagine every client with that desire. It becomes Less important when I think about it that way. Like pups all fighting for mothers milk.

Sorry, just my thoughts over the years on this.

[Cleo6]

I know a few things about my t nothing really personal but just stuff like she has 3 kids, is married. Her youngest is really fussy with food her oldest is a bit younger than me and also I presume someone she's gone out with has cheated on her as when I mentioned my ex having a one night stand when I was pregnant she said something like she understands and some other bits but I can't remember and did this short weird laugh. She's also mentioned her other clients saying some of them live in a town just over an hour away when I said we went there to see a friend. She's also asked me about embalming cos some other client was talking about it as her mum had died and I was talking about when I was working at the hospital. She also told me about a client going blind and he was getting re assessed for benefits. I don't mind hearing stuff about her as it makes her feel more real and I feel more connected to her but not sure about hearing about other clients although she has never said names but thinking about it when I first started seeing her it was just before Christmas and she said about she was talking to a client earlier about families over Christmas and isolation if you are not close to them. I saw the client before me so I don't know if it was her or another one as I am at 10.30. It feels weird hearing her talking about others she sees and I'm not sure if I like it or not

[retro_chic]

My T is a complete blank slate she even works under her maiden name rather than her married name. I only know this because I went to great lengths to look her up on Facebook and although her profile is very private her husband's is not. I feel bad about invading her privacy like that but I just miss her so much between sessions and I really like looking at photos of her.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic! The only slightly self disclosing thing T has said was when she said she was not available for a regular session time on a Friday because she had a "weekend holiday thingy". Usually she would just say she was taking leave but I guess she slipped up . Somehow despite her lack of self disclosure I feel our relationship is the strongest I have ever had with a T. I was upset at first about her firm boundaries (no contact between sessions unless it is for scheduling) but I've come to appreciate her consistency especially after reading some of the stories here!

Also, my T uses a psychodynamic approach so that probably has a lot to do with her lack of self disclosure and strict boundaries.

[healed84]

My t is an open book.. He shares a lot.

[clueda]

Hmm. My T does ocassionally share personal details (for example she told me that she was going to Portugal for her holiday) but it's always related to what we're talking about and relevant to my therapy. She does share her thoughts and sometimes her opinions about stuff if I ask her about it. So she's definitely not a blank slate, but I feel like she's careful not to over-share.

Originally Posted by _Mouse

When we srarted therapy. T wasnt sitting waiting for us to turn up in their lives so they could share their lifes with us.
They had a skill that we as clients needed/wanted.

Why suddenly does that change to us needing them to self disclose?

That's something I've thought about.

Over the years though, we have discussed things we both like.

But sometimes I think about the desire to know. But I'm not the only client. Imagine every client with that desire. It becomes Less important when I think about it that way. Like pups all fighting for mothers milk.

Sorry, just my thoughts over the years on this.

From what you've said about your T on here, I've felt that your T is not 'blank' like mine - you discuss things other than yourself with her at times. I'm not really talking in this thread about wanting my T to tell me personal things. I just wish she might share with me some thoughts about any subject in the world apart from my issues.

I'm having psychodynamic therapy and I have the belief that it is the relationship between my T and me that will be helpful, but it's hard to feel that I have a relationship with her when I don't see anything of her personality.

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

From what you've said about your T on here, I've felt that your T is not 'blank' like mine - you discuss things other than yourself with her at times. I'm not really talking in this thread about wanting my T to tell me personal things. I just wish she might share with me some thoughts about any subject in the world apart from my issues.

I still wish that sometimes. What is it about wanting this? What need does it fulfill? Would we be satisfied with what they share? Do we them begin to have our own prejudices enter the stage once they have? Does that then detract us?

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I'm having psychodynamic therapy and I have the belief that it is the relationship between my T and me that will be helpful, but it's hard to feel that I have a relationship with her when I don't see anything of her personality.

I agree that the client-therapist relationship is particularly important in this type o therapy. Somehow I still see small glimpses of my T's personality come through despite not knowing much about her. I don't know how to explain it but yeah... sometimes she will swear in session which I like because it feels like she is being more "real" with me just little things like that i guess. Maybe you could try telling your T what you've said here?

My t has shared quite a lot about her personal life, she will share things if they relate to what I am saying or sometimes if it reminds her of something that happened to her. Because my therapy is very relational t is not a blank slate and I wouldnt be able to work with a t that was. By t sharing and treating this like a real relationship has enabled me to make changes in my own personal relationships.
She is very open, I never pry into her life and have only asked her about her mother once because she had said something the following that made me think they had a turbulent relationship. I admire her openness and honesty, she has never lied to me and his has been healing for me because all of my other ts had lied and deceived me in some way. I know about ts family and sometimes her husband is in the front garden cutting the grass when I arrive, I know they separated for a number of years and t went through a great sadness and depression herself. Sometimes she doesnt get it right but she can always listen and hear when I have something to say. At times she has admitted to a mistake when I havent felt it was a mistake and we support the relationship together.

My therapist tells me a lot about himself, which makes me feel a lot more comfortable with him. It helps me hold a normal conversation without feeling anxious. For example, I might say something like, "I tried pizza for the first time". Then he'll say something like, "Yeah, I love pizza. It's my favorite food. My f avorite type of pizza is pepperoni. Have you tried it?"

My old therapist, however, shared NOTHING about herself. She was also quite horrible, as she insulted me on many occasions. I don't know how she could consider herself a therapist.

[stopdog]

Both of the ones I see jabber on about unrelated things or about themselves. I have no idea why. Sometimes I ask why, but there is never a good answer.

[junkDNA]

he shares quite a bit of info

He's shared quite a bit. Mind you, we saw each other for a bit over ten years, so you can learn a great deal about a person over the course of ten years in small bits at a time.

[ruh roh]

Mine has only told me one or two things about herself personally. It was more than a year before she mentioned having children. But she is not a blank slate. She does more of what the OP is looking for--sharing thoughts or views on things I've brought up, but does not make things about her. It's been helpful. I would not like a blank slate.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Quite a bit. Like a normal person. I honestly would find it weird to work with someone who didn't. She's even told me things she has struggled with in her own life if they are relevant. Actually, oddly the only one I ever had who didn't share much was the one trained as an MSW.

Is this the same T you said you were doing better with?

[PinkFlamingo99]

Yes, she'll say stuff like if she has trouble sleeping, she's found ____ helpful. That kind of thing. Not like marriage difficulties or anything, but little things like that. She's not psychodynamic though, she's a clinical psychologist who works out of the hospital and they're very sort of medical model/DBT/ACT/finding ways to cope and minimize symptoms oriented.

[LonesomeTonight]

I put two answers. First one is for my T, who has told me a few things about her personal life, mostly basic stuff, but lately a few more things that give a window into her mind, like how she feels all this pressure to make Christmas perfect for her family, even though her (grown) kids are like, "Mom, it doesn't matter!"

Second one for marriage counselor, for whom I said "I know a huge amount about." He's shared lots of stuff from his past and present life, generally in relation to topics or issues we're talking about (though occasionally he uses analogies that...don't quite fit or are really a stretch). Like, I know he has an anxiety disorder, that his father was rather dismissive of him, that he had to get speech therapy as a kid (our daughter also gets it), times when he's been a less-than-perfect parent or husband, some stuff about his kids' struggles with various things (like anxiety) and how he handled them, some issues he had with dating when he was younger, stories from when he was a camp counselor, etc. etc.

[granite1]

my T will share very little about her life. i have only been told things about her personal life as it pertains to therapy. she has told me a few times why she has had to take some time off. that is it i have no idea if she has kids or is married, her sexual orientation or anything that personal about her . i dont seem to mind this .it keeps things safe for me

Originally Posted by retro_chic

I agree that the client-therapist relationship is particularly important in this type o therapy. Somehow I still see small glimpses of my T's personality come through despite not knowing much about her. I don't know how to explain it but yeah... sometimes she will swear in session which I like because it feels like she is being more "real" with me just little things like that i guess. Maybe you could try telling your T what you've said here?

It feels crushingly hard to tell her these thoughts.

Originally Posted by seahorse

Is this the same T you said you were doing better with?

Yes it is. There have been a lot of good things about my therapy with her.

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I still wish that sometimes. What is it about wanting this? What need does it fulfill? Would we be satisfied with what they share? Do we them begin to have our own prejudices enter the stage once they have? Does that then detract us?

I think it is he human connection that I wish for.