Is your T a blank slate or does she share something of herself

I see that I seem to be in a huge minority - there is only one other person on the poll so far who has a T who shares no thoughts whatsoever about anything other than the client.

It is not surprising. A blank slate tends to be found in psychoanalysis. Most people here see a psychotherapist/psychologist, these people tend to disclose a bit more/much more than psychoanalysts. Honestly I couldn't be with a therapist who's a blank slate.

I know she shares more with me than others and sometimes I wish she wouldn't. It makes me crave the relationship even more. I'm still wondering if our relationship is too enmeshed and if I should seek out the opinion of another T just to figure it out.

My t is a blank slate and I like it that way. She is very warm and responds spontaneously, so I don't feel like she is holding back in terms of relating. In a way it makes it easier for me to not know anything about her because then I don't feel like I have to hold back what I say. I had a previous t who I knew too much about which made it really difficult for me (e.g. I knew all about her children who were a similar age to me and she had a great relationship with them and I had a **** relationship with my mother).

Sometimes it hurts to know too much about t too. I know my ts children are all super intelligent and attended the best colleges in the country. I know she goes on holidays with them a lot and all of this is not really good for me

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Personally, I wouldn't be at all comfortable with a blank slate type of therapist, but that appeals to others, so it is a matter of knowing what you need and are comfortable with.

My T is a complete blank slate -- to the point that even if I explicitly ask her something, she'll talk in general terms (E.g. about therapy / therapists) or deflect it back to me.

I am honestly comfortable with her doing it for these reasons -- about a decade ago, I had a T who shared a whole lot of herself. At that time, I was trying to come out as gay to my (ultra-conservative) family (in an ultra-conservative country) and that was sort of one of my biggest issues. The T I was seeing then totally dismissed my concerns about it -- she went into great detail about how she had an inter-racial marriage back in the 50s or something (I know it was a super big deal then) and her parents were totally cool. So, she kept telling me that my family would be totally fine too and I was underestimating my parents. Needless to say, she was dead wrong and it wouldn't have taken a genius to figure out that she'd be dead wrong -- I'd told her enough about my childhood and family for her to know that they had / have all kinds of issues with me and the gayness was / is just the icing on the cake, so to speak.

I didn't feel I could push back with that T though because she'd revealed a lot about herself (so, I also knew a ton about her family, vacations, likes / dislikes etc -- none of which I'd asked). So, it felt a lot more like a personal relationship and I felt that if I were to push back and ask for what I thought was 'better therapy', I'd be personally hurting her. Weird I know and I realize that I may be one of the few folk with this problem -- I'm tongue-tied when I have a professional + personal relationship with someone (so, I go to great lengths to avoid such relationships).

With my current T, I still hesitate to push back on stuff but not because I worry about the personal stuff -- it's more that she's a mistress of deflection and I usually think we'll go round and round in circles before I can get anything resembling a halfway satisfying answer from her. But, even in doing that, I feel much much much more comfortable because I don't feel like there's a "personal" component to our relationship and I don't care if she's hurt or whatever -- I figure she gets paid $$$ per hour and that's good enough (I mean I know she cares but I don't think it's my responsibility to worry how she feels).

I'm really sorry you're facing this issue with your T though -- for what it's worth, I totally understand your pain. My response is something that I sort of logically thought through knowing how I usually react to these things -- not sure if it'll help you.

Over the 2-3 years in therapy my T has told me a few general details about herself, only in relation to my own experience.

I know a little bit about her marital history, a little about what her Dad does for a living, and that she has 'kids' at least one of them being a daughter.

Thaaaaaat's about it.

It frustrates me that I don't really know much about her, her interests, her own likes or dislikes, hobbies, anything... personal at all, really. However, I get why this is and I appreciate the purpose.

I put "a few details," but after reading the thread and thinking upon it more, my T shares a lot. Like sometimes I want to say "quiet!" Because she can really get into a story and ramble on, which she knows and told me in the first session that I can tell her to shut up-not that I would. I think over the months she has read me better, and keeps quiet more often. But, it is interesting to have a T share so much of herself, as my precious T's were pretty blank slate in comparison.

I personally don't care so much about her sharing, it's more her personality and warmth I connect to.

He occasionally shares things but only when they are directly related to something I have said. The most personal one was that he had bumped into his former boss who was a big reason he left his last job and managed to have a cordial conversation even though he doesn't like her very much. In the context of our relationship it seemed like a really personal thing for him to tell me.
Most of what I know about him comes from his book, his website, his amazon bio and an online interview I found of him.

I much prefer it this way though, the over disclosure from T1 was damaging.

My T is definitely not a blank slate when it comes to sharing about himself. I don't know if he realizes how much he shares about his life and sometimes it has been to his detriment. However, when it comes to my neediness and wanting him to define something about me, he refuses. I know he wants me to decide for myself my value in the world and whatever, but sometimes, I just want to know what he thinks about me. I'm not sure if it would be better if he were more blank. In my case, maybe not as it likely would've taken me longer to do the work with my severe trust issues.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

My T has shared a few things about herself. Some were questions I asked but its mostly relevant to my therapy and what I am talking about. She wants the focus to be on me. I could never work with a blank slate therapist. It has made us closer and made her more relatable to know things about her.

My therapist is a blank slate and I hate it! I feel like she could have a personal anecdote from time to time that might be really helpful, but she NEVER shares! This is super frustrating for me. It's not like I need to know everything...I don't and I wouldn't want to have the sessions be about her, but it would be nice if she would let me in a tiny bit!

I find the relationship with T one of the hardest things to talk about but also the most rewarding. Last session I told T I talked to T about my attachment towards her and how I feel jealous of other clients and she seemed really pleased that I brought it up, contrary to my fears of her thinking I'm too needy. It's really hard but in my experience totally worth it.

I know a lot about her.

In 7+ years, I have learned A LOT about T. Typically it has been related to whatever topic I was dealing with. However, sometimes like when she is walking to the door we will discuss other things.

I've found out things because he relates to what I'm going through. Most recnet example is me feeling guilty about not being as connected to my husband b/c I'm so busy with school. He told me his wife once hid his keys when he was in school so that he couldn't go. (He was both working and going to school FT). He said he found them in a minute and left, but moral of the story is, it's a lot of work and sacrifice.

He discussed his upbringing when we were talking about mine. It was always relevant in a way and I'm glad he does it that way because it does help to hear it from another person's perspective.

So before you got attached to her, you might not have noticed or thought much about it? That's how it happened with me. It was ok until I got really attached to him.

My T is a blank slate some of the time, which draws out my feelings very intensely. Sometimes he answers my questions asking about him, other times he puts it back on me. It's never really the same. But one thing he rarely does is share his feelings with me. He shares his thoughts at times, but not feelings.

I think this is where trouble lies for those of us having a history of childhood neglect-the lack of emotional connection is overwhelmingly painful. It repeats how it was like growing up for us. To sum it up--being unloved.

And for me, the repetition of feeling unloved in this relationship with my T makes me feel really bad about myself.

Lack of emotional connection speaks to me because I am way more emotional than anyone else in my family. I was and am misunderstood and maligned because of this.

Now I'm also way more emotional than my therapist. Struggling to not see and feel the parallels.

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Except for my last therapist and my standby therapist, all the other ones (~x5) I employed were blank slates. Not til recently did I know therapist shared anything about their lives.

I did have a child psychologist once as a teen that would take phone calls from her 13 year old stepson, and speak all lovey-dovey to him. It was excruciating for me,

I remember when you posted about your T being a blank slate several months ago - I think it was you. And I think I responded that my T was really blank for the first four months or so, taking notes, watching me, etc., but not saying anything. Now, T responds as in a typical conversation between two people, but always focusing on the therapy topic.

I'm not sure, now, if maybe this is your T's therapeutic style...? I believe in giving Ts a chance to reveal their style before jumping ship, but there's a point where the client either needs to address their feelings about how the blank slate effects them to the T, or decide to seek another T. Do you think you can bring the topic up with your T? If you believe it's not helpful for you, I would tell her. Perhaps she doesn't realize she's coming across like that and thinks she's giving you space to express yourself.

I wish you luck deciding what you can/want to do. Feeling safe, close to your T, trusting in the therapy relationship is what heals. You deserve that.

My T is pretty much a blank slate. I learned more about her from a google and facebook search than from herself. She has told me she has a daughter, a cat, and a husband. And that she would have some anxiety about joining a group on meetup.com at first. That's everything she's told me about herself.

Your last sentence really resonated me as feelings of feeling bad about myself have risen to the surface and my therapy seems to reinforce them.

You get that from knowing yourself.

I'm no sure I really get how knowing myself will help me feel more of a human connection with my T - or perhaps you mean I'll feel more of a connection with other people? I'd like to understand it though - if you can explain.

I remember you posting about a conversation you had had with your T about it being 'grim up north', and how she had sent a message when she was away that referred to that. That is the kind of moment of connection I'd like to be able to have with my T.