[FindPeace]

I found out that I've had a small stroke, its no wonder my emotions are all over the place!...But I want to hear my T's voice so bad but all I ever do is hurt people...I don't want to hurt my T....Since I was little thats all I've done is hurt people.......................FP

((( FindPeace )))

Call your T sweetie.

That won't be hurting T, it will be reaching out and a way of taking care of you!

[Caramee]

I'm so sorry to hear about your stroke! Of course you want your T and I can't think of a more legitmate reason to call. I hope you do. You deserve some comfort, and it won't hurt her. It will be her privilege to care.

Be good to yourself.

[Islander]

Hey FindPeace -

Sorry to hear about your illness, but it is understandable that you want to talk to your therapist. She is a safe and caring person. Give her a call. It will make you feel better, and she will be glad that you reached out.

Islander

[MissCharlotte]

FP,

I am so glad you are ok now!! I would want my T if I had the flu! You deserve your T right now. I hope you find a way to reach out.

[FindPeace]

I emailed her 2 days ago she tells me all the time that she will email me back and she hasn't.....I called her secretary and she told me that my T got the emails....she knows about the stroke, she knows that their is a blockage in either my neck or my left leg....she knows the blood isn't getting through my body....she knows at any minute I could have a massive stroke.....yet shes NOT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....

She cares I know she cares, I know she has other clients....I know all of that but I have one person in my life other than my T and she knows that....and that 1 person doesn't know I have DID.......nobody knows everything but my T and shes NOT THERE!!!!....

I can't handle her not emailing back right now, it shoots my blood pressure up and right now thats extremely dangerous for me.....I'm sorry I'm dumping this on here....
just so dang emotional right now.............FP

[WinterRose]

Better to dump it than to hold it pent up - it would get even worse and make you physcially sick too. This is a good place to dump because all we want to do is support and not judge. Wish I could do more than offer my support in this scary time. Hang in there.

[FindPeace]

Thanks WinterRose.....FP

[sunrise]

FP, I'm sorry your T is not responding quickly to your messages. Do you think she just doesn't like to email much? Some people are just not emailers. Maybe communicating with her by phone would work better. (Could the secretary advise which is the best method of communication to get a response from your T?) Hang in there.

[FindPeace]

The agreement between my T and I was that we would email instead of phone calls...The problem is I have sent her other emails and she never did answer them....I can't do this with her anymore....I can't stand the thought of not seeing her but this probelm is tearing me apart...........

I know its not her job to make me feel better....but she is the only person that knows about the DID and who I can talk to....If I keep going the way I'm going Im going to have to call a crisis line....Its dangerous for me to shoot my blood pressure up and thats whats happening....

If I would just suck it up and say big deal she hasnt emailed so what things would be a whole lot easier!........FP

[sunrise]

Hi FP, I didn't realize you had an agreement to email. When do you see her next? I hope you can clarify your use of email with her next time, because it does sound as if this communication method is not working for you.

I'm sorry you have had a stroke and understand your worries about blood pressure. Should you go to the hospital? Can you practice any of the techniques you may know to keep BP down, such as relaxation, meditation, exercise?

It is great you are aware of the crisis resources in your area. Please take care and call the crisis line if you need to.

[Caramee]

I'm so sorry she isn't living up to her end of your agreement, but please don't let that stop you from getting help. Your physical condition sounds dangerous. (I couldn't say "big deal" either about the email situation. I doubt many of us could.) Can you call your medical doctor? You may need medication to prevent your blood pressure from elevating for now and deal with the issue of her lack of response later. And, of course, call the crisis line if you need to. That is what it is there for.

When do you see your T again?

Take care of yourself, OK?

[FindPeace]

I see my T Tuesday....As long as I stay calm my BP doesn't go up....I have a feeling I'm going to be looking for a new T...
Which I really don't want to do....I am very attached to my current T and leaving would really hurt......FP

OH, FP I don't know what else to say except that I'm so sorry about all that is happening to you. Stay strong. We are here for you!!

[FindPeace]

Thanks Pinksoil...........All I Have done today is cry and I've made a decision to not have the ultrasound done and I'm not going to the neurologist....I can't do this anymore....I sore after the last relationship fell apart that I would never trust again and my T got me to trust her and now its like she doesn't want to help me anymore...........I'm done.............FP

[FindPeace]

The tears have finally stopped and I no longer want my T....
I've accepted she's not going to be there for me....We've had this discussion before about the emails and she promised she would email back....she does good for a few days and than days go by and nothing from her....I mention the lack of response in session, she does better than the cycle starts all over again....I'm tired of talking about it....

I'll struggle through on my own between sessions......I'm going away for the month of August....I won't see or talk to her the whole month, so this will help me get prepared for that.......FP

[allthegirls6]

It seems like there is a problem. You say your T emails for a few days then stops. Im wondering how many emails you send. Im not saying that you are emailing her all the time but perhaps the level is too much for her/him to realistically answer. Im sorry thet you are unwell and I understand how much yyou need your T. I wish she/he had answered you.

[FindPeace]

The agreement between my T and I was: I would email her every day since I was having so many problems and she told me when I found out that I had the stroke to definetely
email her...
I am looking for another T and its going to kill me to leave this one....

Plus I have a p-doc appt. today and the &&&&&&& secretary who I can't stand scheduled me with a different p-doc who has absolutely no clue about my case (they dont take the time to read the chart) and my p-doc was the one that wanted me to go for the MRI and I was suppose to tell her the results today....

Now theres no sense in saying anything....Just totally frustrated!............FP