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  #1  
Old Jul 05, 2016, 05:39 PM
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retro_chic retro_chic is offline
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So yeah, I've been obsessing over my T more than usual this week. I'm worried she doesn't like me, finds me annoying and is frustrated with me. I have written down all the things I want to say to her but I feel bad about it because last session T made it seem like writing things down and reading them to her was a bad thing. She said it creates distance and removes some of the emotion from it and makes it seem like I'm reading out a story.

My T is only 10 years older than me at the most but she seems much older because I feel like a little kid when I'm in therapy. I just want her to love me and take care of me but I know that can never happen.
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  #2  
Old Jul 05, 2016, 05:51 PM
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BrazenApogee BrazenApogee is offline
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I obsess over my T all the time. He lets me write though. It helps. I was almost nonverbal when I met him so it may be just the fact that he's willing to do anything that helps. I think the obsession thing is part of attachment.

I think what she is telling you is that she wants to be closer by talking instead of being read to. What if you brought an outline of "talking points" instead to help the discussion? Just an idea.
Thanks for this!
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  #3  
Old Jul 05, 2016, 09:36 PM
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Originally Posted by BrazenApogee View Post
I obsess over my T all the time. He lets me write though. It helps. I was almost nonverbal when I met him so it may be just the fact that he's willing to do anything that helps. I think the obsession thing is part of attachment.

I think what she is telling you is that she wants to be closer by talking instead of being read to. What if you brought an outline of "talking points" instead to help the discussion? Just an idea.
I've tried that but the problem is I tend to down play things if I don't have the exact words written down. So instead of saying "I've been feeling extremely depressed and have been having trouble getting out of bed" I will just say "I've been feeling kind of depressed" which doesn't really communicate the magnitude of the issue. I don't really know how to overcome this.

I've spoken to T about my attachment issues but again, I don't know how to overcome it
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  #4  
Old Jul 05, 2016, 11:21 PM
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In regard to the writing, how about having an index card with bullet points? That will help you get talking and you won't forget anything critical.
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  #5  
Old Jul 06, 2016, 12:22 AM
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Originally Posted by rainyday107 View Post
In regard to the writing, how about having an index card with bullet points? That will help you get talking and you won't forget anything critical.
Yeah, but like I said, that doesn't really work for me because I will down play things unfortunately.
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  #6  
Old Jul 06, 2016, 04:20 AM
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retro_chic retro_chic is offline
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Also, does anyone else feel really "child like" when in sessions? I don't even though if that's the right way to describe it but yeah... it's weird. I guess I feel submissive/helpless kind of? Does anyone know what I mean?
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Out There
  #7  
Old Jul 06, 2016, 04:29 AM
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LesFleursDuMal LesFleursDuMal is offline
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Originally Posted by retro_chic View Post
Also, does anyone else feel really "child like" when in sessions? I don't even though if that's the right way to describe it but yeah... it's weird. I guess I feel submissive/helpless kind of? Does anyone know what I mean?
I feel the same way. My T is about 20 years older than me so that might have something to do with it, but also I think it's normal to feel like a child in therapy as it is the place where a lot of our feelings from childhood can be expressed. We're also being extremely vulnerable and basically begging for help, so I guess that's normal. Nothing to be ashamed of
For the writing, I'm sorry your T doesn't encourage it. Writing has given me the opportunity to bring up events I would never have been able to talk about. I don't understand why your T doesn't let you do things the way you want/feel comfortable to. As my T always says, if I can say things out loud of course it's better, but writing is still communication and it's better than never ending silence...
Take care
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  #8  
Old Jul 06, 2016, 06:48 AM
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Retro, I am sorry you appear to be struggling with this, I too don't understand why your T doesn't encourage communication however it works beat for you. Surely it is better than nothing. As for child like and obsessing, I am with you there. We spoke about it this week in fact and my T mentioned that I open up to that child quite easily, and it is something that a lot of adults struggle with, they judge it too harshly to allow it. She seemed to think it was a positive thing, as do I. However, she does not encourage helplessness and dependency but even in that state she encourages me to interact, to try to lead, to ask for what I need etc. I like it, however vulnerable it makes me feel. This week I was playing with the rattan chair all session and I felt sure she would tell me off, tell me to stop playing, tell me to concentrate, look at her etc etc but she didn't, she never has and I don't think she ever would, not harshly anyway. What I am trying to say I think is that if handled well, becoming child like can be a positive thing.
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  #9  
Old Jul 06, 2016, 08:57 PM
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Are you seeing my ex-T???? You sound JUST like me and your T. sounds just like my former one!

I had all those feelings and my T. said it was transference - I was expecting her to act like my mom. I now see little things that made me feel that way. one was what I was doing didn't seem to be "right". I also wanted to read what I had written and my T. would tell me I need to just talk. Over time I have realized I felt I was doing therapy "wrong".

I also felt like a little kid on a couch. It was awful and made between sessions so painful. My new T. said ex-T. and I had a traumatic bond. you can google about it. I think she was pushing me to open up but it was doing the opposite. My current T. welcomes anything I write and says that I get so much more out that way. She's very accepting of the way I need to do it instead of forming to her way.

Please please keep in mind that this is YOUR therapy and there is no WRONG way to do it. It is most beneficial when the T. can figure out a way for you to communicate even if it's not what they are used to. Perhaps you can tell her about this post and then say "I really need to write for awhile before I feel comfortable talking". The more you read and get a positive reaction, the easier it will be to talk.
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  #10  
Old Jul 07, 2016, 05:18 AM
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Thank you all for your replies.

I just had my session tonight and it went really well. I told T all of the things I wrote here and she was very receptive. She said she wondered if I would take her "observations" as critisism because it had kind felt like she was "talk at me" due to my withdrawal. T said it seems similar to how I feel when my parents lecture me and I just have to sit and bare it until it is over. That is exactly how it felt and T also said that might be why I felt so helpless and childlike.

We spoke a lot about how I'm stuck because I fear that if I don't make enough progress she will get fed up with me but I also fear making too much progress and not needing her anymore. T said being stuck isn't a bad thing, it is just more information about me that will help us gain a better understanding of what is going on. T then suggested a couple of ideas to help me get "unstuck". The first one was laying down on the couch . I told T that kind of freaked me out and she said she just wanted to put it out there and that everyone is freaked out by it at first haha. The second option was creating more of a space for me to be my own person and to not feel intruded upon and to try an reduce the "push-pull" thing we have going on at the moment. I'm not sure what that will involve exactly but I like the idea. I'm even curious about laying down... have any of you tried it?
Thanks for this!
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  #11  
Old Jul 07, 2016, 11:53 AM
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trigger warning, Dont make the therapist feel unsafe...how far away is security guard...Do you think they are trained for anything like this? A zombie approach I size them up just in case lol. Don't get a sexual or assault charge against since therapist abuse is real lol they go to bat for their colleagues lol..
  #12  
Old Jul 07, 2016, 12:37 PM
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Petra5ed Petra5ed is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by retro_chic View Post
Thank you all for your replies.

I just had my session tonight and it went really well. I told T all of the things I wrote here and she was very receptive. She said she wondered if I would take her "observations" as critisism because it had kind felt like she was "talk at me" due to my withdrawal. T said it seems similar to how I feel when my parents lecture me and I just have to sit and bare it until it is over. That is exactly how it felt and T also said that might be why I felt so helpless and childlike.

We spoke a lot about how I'm stuck because I fear that if I don't make enough progress she will get fed up with me but I also fear making too much progress and not needing her anymore. T said being stuck isn't a bad thing, it is just more information about me that will help us gain a better understanding of what is going on. T then suggested a couple of ideas to help me get "unstuck". The first one was laying down on the couch . I told T that kind of freaked me out and she said she just wanted to put it out there and that everyone is freaked out by it at first haha. The second option was creating more of a space for me to be my own person and to not feel intruded upon and to try an reduce the "push-pull" thing we have going on at the moment. I'm not sure what that will involve exactly but I like the idea. I'm even curious about laying down... have any of you tried it?
I feel your pain Retro. I have had the obsession problem. I did try lying down for about 5 seconds, but it felt too weird to me. That's just me, anything is worth a try right?

Not sure what your issues are that brought you to therapy, but for me the obsession is related to childhood needs that were unmet, and even some adult needs that are being unmet. It seems on it's face the obsession is with the person of the therapist, but I think the feelings underlying it are what's important, the longing, the fear of closeness, the fear of abandonment etc.

Talk about it as much as you can. I think in the end that really helped me and helped me with the obsession part, but it also freaked out my therapist and hurt our rapport (IMO). So talk about it but do so carefully , don't do it like I did and demand your therapist love you or something like that. SMH.
Thanks for this!
retro_chic
  #13  
Old Jul 07, 2016, 02:45 PM
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With the T I ended with there was some obsession. It feels weird to say that because it wasn't her I was obsessed with but what she was giving me in therapy. My obsession was also from childhood needs that were unmet. I also think it was the perfect image I had of my T in my head. I was so sure she would make the perfect parent. T's have there "best" part of themselves on display in therapy and its hard to not get obsessed and attached to it. I am glad it has died down since we ended therapy. Its still there but at least it feels manageable again. Its comforting to know others have experienced this as well. I hope it gets better for you.
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retro_chic
  #14  
Old Jul 07, 2016, 02:59 PM
Chummy2 Chummy2 is offline
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Originally Posted by retro_chic View Post
Also, does anyone else feel really "child like" when in sessions? I don't even though if that's the right way to describe it but yeah... it's weird. I guess I feel submissive/helpless kind of? Does anyone know what I mean?
My other T was only 3 years older, but I felt so much younger than her.
I was also obsessing a lot over her. Does she likes me? Am I annoying her? Has she enough of me? I wrote it in a letter to her. We talked about some ofthe things, but it didn't really helped me. She's now on maternity leave and during those months she has been away I've become convinced she doesn't care about me and I'm just work to her.
I haven't been obsessing over current T. Maybe it is because she's way more open about everything than other T. Or maybe it is because I just don't really care anymore. I'm just kind of expecting her to leave me too.
Thanks for this!
retro_chic
  #15  
Old Jul 07, 2016, 03:09 PM
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Originally Posted by retro_chic View Post
Also, does anyone else feel really "child like" when in sessions? I don't even though if that's the right way to describe it but yeah... it's weird. I guess I feel submissive/helpless kind of? Does anyone know what I mean?
OMG.... I can't even say how much I fluxuate in the age I feel when with t. I can go from almost infant feeling to maybe teen,,, but I haven't felt like an adult since the first year with him. He talks about 'regression' but he doesn't know I feel that way all the time now. As I have said in other posts, I am scared to tell him because I don't know how bad it is that I am feeling like a child and want him to help make it all better

You are NOT alone!!!
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Thanks for this!
retro_chic
  #16  
Old Jul 07, 2016, 04:42 PM
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retro_chic retro_chic is offline
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Originally Posted by Shaly78 View Post
trigger warning, Dont make the therapist feel unsafe...how far away is security guard...Do you think they are trained for anything like this? A zombie approach I size them up just in case lol. Don't get a sexual or assault charge against since therapist abuse is real lol they go to bat for their colleagues lol..
I'm very confused by this but thanks for the reply anyway
  #17  
Old Jul 07, 2016, 04:53 PM
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retro_chic retro_chic is offline
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Thank you all for the support; it is nice to know that I'm not alone in obsessing over T.

Interestingly, what brought me back to therapy was a relapse in anxiety and subsequent depression from a stressful final semester. I realize now those were just symptoms of much bigger issues.

One of the other things T and I talked about was how I do things for other people rather than myself like I want to be making progress to please my T and to reach what I think are her goals rather than my own. The same thing happens with my parents. T said that this could be why I feel helpless and childlike because I've never been able to form my own goals and identity, I've always relied on other people for that.

I'm still unsure about lying down but I kind of want to try it. I feel weird about having my shoes on the couch though! Haha
Thanks for this!
thesnowqueen
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