I couldn't leave T's building today!

I tried to post a thread earlier but it got lost somehow.My session was all right until the end when I brought up what T said last week about it being okay to send her a photo every few months, or maybe she said two months. I asked why not more often. She said I know that it's the right thing to do because of the answers in my thread. I had told her about it. I said " I don't want to be just your job." I don't know what she answered but I left the office and just sat in the lobby crying a little. People walk into the building but not that many.

I sat there 45 minutes not knowing whether I could knock on her door again. Then she came out and saw me there. She sat next to me and I said "you didn't say anything after I said "I'm just your job." So she said "it's true you're my job and, ( or maybe she said but) I care about you very much. I said "hold my hand" and she did immediately. That felt good like it used to feel. She repeated that I could email if I need to. But knowing that she wants me to separate from her and not need her, I don't know what to do. Besides, I've got a lot of stressful stuff going on now in my life which was mainly what my session was about. So I'm back to day by day. I am grateful my T had to pee so she saw me there! I was actually going to post on the forum but then she magically appeared! She told me to put the phone down. I know she cares and wants what is best for me. I just wish it didn't mean separating from her.

You have kids, right? Wasn't there a point when they were growing up (or a number of points) where you had to step back and let them find their own way? I bet you didn't want them to separate from you, but you did want them to be able to do things on their own. I think that is the position your therapist finds herself in.

I also think the parent - or the therapist - who can let their children/client go when it is time for them to do so really, truly cares about them.

I agree that someone who really cares about you and wants what is best for you will teach you how to be ok on your own and how to let go. You have an amazing T. I hope you know how lucky you are to have her. I know its hard when you think you are just there job but if that was totally the case she wouldn't be pushing you to not rely on her so much. I think you are more than just a 'job' to her.

How are you doing now? I think you should try recording your sessions so you will know what is said if you forget and you can always listen and reflect on it. It really helped me with those things. Now I have my sessions to listen to when I miss my T.

That sounds like such a lovely moment, her finding you there and sitting down next to you, and holding your hand when you asked her to. She sounds like a wonderful therapist and I'm glad you have her in your life.

Thank you. You're right but it's so much harder for me than my T. I don't think she misses my emails. I know she's doing this for me. My kids WANTED to separate from me. I don't want to separate from my T so it's different.

Thank you. Yes, I'm very grateful for my T! I used to record sessions years ago when I saw my first T. It's a good idea. I will ask her; I wouldn't do it without her permission. I'm better today because of those few minutes after my session but I think I'm mourning the loss of part of my relationship with T. I will sit on that and tell her next time. I didn't realize I'm grieving until now but that's what it feels like.

Thank you. I'm glad my T is in my life too. I have her full attention and compassion in person every week. I'm not losing that, nor am I losing her caring/loving me.