Background: My therapist is a sweet, intelligent woman, a psychologist with a Ph.D., about 8 years older than I, and has always maintained appropriate boundaries.
I've been in therapy for nearly a year seeing T an average of once a month. I have learned that during and prior to my attempt, I suppressed my own feelings while ignoring or discounting those of my family. I learned that after about 6 months and continue to journal in order to try to stay in touch with my feelings.
Everything else about therapy has just been confusing. I don't think I will ever understand what I did (a serious suicide attempt) I'm disgusted with myself for what I did and try to compensate by being more pleasant and attentive to people around me. I am no longer worried about taking medication; I figure I need all the help I can get. But I don't think I'm ever going to really understand why I did what I did. And sometimes, when I try to understand, I think that I sort become troubled about "other things", but it doesn't last for long because the "other things" never really provide the answer I seek. Furthermore, the more I talked about my youth, the more unreal it seemed, so I'm trying to refrain from going there anymore.
Lastly, sometimes therapy sessions make me "flash back" to my attempt for a few days after the session (at first I really flashed back, now I just flash back emotionally). It makes me anxious, scared and/or sad. Other than the trauma I created with my self-inflicted, serious attempt, my life has been relatively trauma free. Would I be better off if I stop going? It certainly would be better for my wallet.

Hi, you're dealing with a lot here and I can see why you are conflicted about therapy.

Would you be comfortable printing out your post and showing it to your T? It sounds like therapy as it currently is...it's not meeting your needs and not providing insight on important life events. And it is sometimes focusing on areas you don't want to explore. If you show the post to T...see what happens from there and that may help you arrive at a decision? Good luck.

I'm not sure that it is possible to do effective therapy if you only go once a month.

[BrazenApogee]

Maybe you need to see them more frequently.

[Mygrandjourney]

You could either discuss with your therapist or take a break from therapy in order to regroup. You might never understand why you made an attempt. In my experience, it results from losing all hope for a better future.

You tried to seriously end your life six months ago, you say you need all the help with medication you can get and I really feel you need all of the support from your therapist you can get. Once a month is not enough, I can't say for sure but I really feel that this is not enough support right now. How would you feel about going every week?

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I truly appreciate all the feedback from everyone.

Rainyday, I have copied my post into my journal and plan on discussing it with my therapist. Though I trust my T, I've definitely been thinking about the pros and cons of continued therapy. Out of respect for her, I wouldn't terminate without discussing my feelings about therapy.

Brown Owl and BrazenApogee, Earlier this year, I went once a week (for one month only). Result: I felt extremely confused about some of the things I talked about but I did end up feeling much less depressed. Months later, I still feel less depressed. Less depression is one of the reasons I am considering termination.

Mygrandjourney, I totally agree!

Monalisasmile, The attempt was in April 2015; however, you maybe right about me needing support for a little longer.

Well I posted all over the place today and the things I wrote and read from others helped with my "confusion".

Sometimes I've felt uncertain about some of the conclusions I've come to in therapy and I hate uncertainty but I am certain it helped with the following:

I did need to talk to you about it what I did in order to process it. It's not something you can talk to anyone casually and I fear if I talk to my family about it I would retraumatize them.

The next time I see my therapist I'm going to ask, "Since I've talked about it at length, would it be OK for me to just move on and stop talking about it? I know I have changed myself by what I did. I know what I feel about what I did. Could terminating therapy help me move on? Or is that just wishful thinking?

I want to stop thinking about my mental health status and move toward normalcy. I know I am a little different from others in a sad sort of way but hope I won't always feel that way. I hope to put depression and all the madness behind. I don't want to need to see a therapist.

[snarkydaddy]

I find going to therapy someday causes more problems then it solves.
Often it feels like coming back form the dentist or recovery from surgery.

I do not relate to ppl who become attached and/or see their T's as friends. After all the point is to be independent and not require their services. I see them more as mechanics. Just like parents should not be your equals, your therapist should not be seen as a friend but rather someone you trust,
who perform a needed services.

In the end it is about repair & recovery and moving fwd. I would like to encourage you to continue therapy whether with your current one or a new one.

This is great that you're communicating your needs! Finding a new T is good. Also, taking a break from therapy is fine! I'm doing the same. When I'm needing a therapist, I'll get one. The same option is always there for you.

Thanks for updating!

Keep us posted.