How does your t get the message across

Mine makes suggestions depends on a topic. I don't think she ever tried to get any messages across. It sounds as your t sees you repeatedly doing or not doing something and she feels you are resisting to change? Hence her need to keep hammering the message?

Well I swing myself from loving her to hating her, so other people criticising her hurts and doesn't her. It depends on which pole I am operating on.
Thank you for your post and there is no need to be more diplomatic, sometimes the truth hurts.
Yes my t sees me hurting myself all of the time and it makes her frustrated and sad. Maybe she has run out of empathy and energy to get the message across differently. She read me a poem about two months ago that somebody had suggested she read and since she read me that poem I have started to change my way of being in the world. I often told her to stop dictating to me what I need to do that I will do it when I am ready and now I am ready and like in the poem, I woke up and knew what I had to do.


I am really sorry your t treated you like that Quietmind, were you able to work through this or did it lead to a huge rupture. When my t keeps saying things like that and blaming me it often leads to a huge rupture. The message she gives is often a good one but the way she delivers it is like a knife in the back.
If there is one thing I cannot stand is victim blaming and it is happening more and more in our culture.

I really find this way of working frustrating with ts. One of my ts used to say something similar and I told her that this wasn't working for me, I understand what she is trying to say without using this pointless exercise.

Fortunately for me, that T (a counsellor doing brief, solution focused counselling) referred me up for psychotherapy. I felt too shamed to contest his words.

My current T (clinical psychologist) and I did have a rupture when she asked "Do you want to remain a victim?" several times in a session. The next session, I explained the negative connotations of the "victim vs survivor" dichotomy (that victim is often used to shame and survivor is seen as someone moving forward), and how her choice of words was hurtful even though I presumed she meant well. She apologised for her choice of words hurting me, but I don't think she understands why it's shaming.

Victim blaming in my culture is common and I can't stand it. I used a rape analogy to try to explain to my current T - how she would hopefully never imply a rape victim was "choosing to stay a victim".

I'm going to try to explain to her using burglary as an example. How society doesn't shame a victim of bulgary or demand they call themselves survivors to prove that they're "moving on and taking personal responsibility" while people who suffer interpersonal harms are often shamed and blamed.

ETA: I trust that your T means well for you, Mona, but her delivery being so shaming and cutting is not beneficial for you.

I'm disturbed by how she comes across as blaming you.

That is so disturbing QuietMind. Why are people so victim blaming? You're right about the burglary analogy; so true.

I'm wondering if this goes back to when crimes against women were acceptable, and it just hasn't run its course yet. 25 percent of women are victims of incest to this day; with so many of us, how can there be blaming?

A past therapist was like that with me when I disclosed rape to her. The first words out of her mouth were, "why didn't you xxxx". I left that one and never looked back.

Sometimes, she says, OK can I talk now, lol, or she will write it on the board or make drawings.

I tend to trap myself in cyclical thoughts that usually make no sense and will repeat them in therapy and my T will just stop me and be like: Wait. Listen to yourself! That doesn't make sense!
For instance, one day in session I was talking about how I did not like going home because it reminded me of how I was successful in high school but a failure in university, that I used to be smart by now I'm dumb, etc. etc.
and she was like: ????? Annie. Listen to yourself. What you're saying doesn't make sense! I don't get it! You make straight A's. You are smart! etc.

She was very kind and funny yet very blunt about it -- exactly my style. I miss her.

I'm so glad you left that therapist and so sorry she victim blamed.

Sadly with that first T of mine blaming me for being sexually harassed at work, I never ever disclosed traumatic incidents of molest. Because i sensed he would say I bore responsibility too...as the work issue was way milder.

I just really don't like how Mona's T is phrasing things. Sorry Mona.

While we do have choices, abusers and perpetrators also DO. They CHOOSE to harm and take advantage of vulnerability. It is not some foregone conclusion that X leads to Y. In abusive relationships, people are frequently shamed for "choosing to stay" and thus "allowing abuse to continue"...when each time it is the abuser who CHOOSES to continue abuse.