[musinglizzy]

So, I know a lot of you know what my story is with T1, if not, here's the thread...
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...-its-gone.html

Since T1 so abruptly took that away (and much more), I finally found T3, who I thought was exactly what I'd been waiting for. She is a somatic experiencing therapist whose focus is on body work. I came to eventually loving my sessions with her, even though some were painful), and looking forward to therapy with her. I've been seeing her since February. Well, I had "something" happen over the weekend that was upsetting, but not entirely traumatic for me. I guess I made the mistake of telling her about this, because I had a session with her yesterday (that was scheduled for an hour and a half) and turned out I left after 20 minutes, storming out of the room.

She's taking the body/table work away, because of something I told her, because she doesn't want to retraumatize. She said once I'm more stable in a couple months, we can do it again. I do NOT agree with her. I needed that table session BAD yesterday.....and told her so. I told her I'm getting really effing tired of everyone else knowing whats in my best interest better than I do. Eventually, I told her to take me off the schedule.

Even T1 said I have improved some since the bodywork (kinda like a mixture of reiki and massage), and I know it has helped me immensely. I told her I needed it badly today.

This T, who only lives a mile down the road from me, I know likes me quite a lot. Just in her words and actions. But here's now another T who chooses to make a HUGE change without discussing it with me. She said she spoke to a couple of mentors about me. No one cares what I think, nor do they give me the option to argue my case. They are like effing God, they have our hearts right in the palm of their hands. So, I'm done with T3, who was getting to the point of her being my ONLY T. I was finding more help with her....

I'm devastated. Again. And I'm not even over the first time with T1....

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME????? I just don't think I'm a good candidate for therapy at all.

[BayBrony]

I don't have words right now. Like what the actual f@#$????

[runlola72]

Wow that is very upsetting. I'd be beyond pissed. ((Hugs)) to you.

Bay you said it better than I could have.

Not again. How could it retraumatize you-did she give more details?
I can see how that would be so triggering. Feeling sad for you.

[atisketatasket]

Huh? If you go to a somatic therapist, doesn't she have to touch you?

[Out There]

Originally Posted by Skies

Not again. How could it retraumatize you-did she give more details?
I can see how that would be so triggering. Feeling sad for you.

I can see that would be triggering too , but I think she did it for your safety although you may feel otherwise. I do EMDR and my T would not do it if I was unstable. I hope when you feel a little more settled you will discuss this with your T. The withdrawal of the type of touch needs to be seen on a cognitive level too , my T calls seeing this " difference " the CBT part of trauma focussed CBT, this is the withdrawal of " treatment touch " which is probably different than the hugs and hand holding but the triggers and the traumas feel the same. ( Same thing same thing goes the trauma - I know. ). I have followed your story and know you have done well with T3 after a lot of issues with T1. I hope this has helped a little.

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

So, I know a lot of you know what my story is with T1, if not, here's the thread...
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...-its-gone.html

Since T1 so abruptly took that away (and much more), I finally found T3, who I thought was exactly what I'd been waiting for. She is a somatic experiencing therapist whose focus is on body work. I came to eventually loving my sessions with her, even though some were painful), and looking forward to therapy with her. I've been seeing her since February. Well, I had "something" happen over the weekend that was upsetting, but not entirely traumatic for me. I guess I made the mistake of telling her about this, because I had a session with her yesterday (that was scheduled for an hour and a half) and turned out I left after 20 minutes, storming out of the room.

She's taking the body/table work away, because of something I told her, because she doesn't want to retraumatize. She said once I'm more stable in a couple months, we can do it again. I do NOT agree with her. I needed that table session BAD yesterday.....and told her so. I told her I'm getting really effing tired of everyone else knowing whats in my best interest better than I do. Eventually, I told her to take me off the schedule.

Even T1 said I have improved some since the bodywork (kinda like a mixture of reiki and massage), and I know it has helped me immensely. I told her I needed it badly today.

This T, who only lives a mile down the road from me, I know likes me quite a lot. Just in her words and actions. But here's now another T who chooses to make a HUGE change without discussing it with me. She said she spoke to a couple of mentors about me. No one cares what I think, nor do they give me the option to argue my case. They are like effing God, they have our hearts right in the palm of their hands. So, I'm done with T3, who was getting to the point of her being my ONLY T. I was finding more help with her....

I'm devastated. Again. And I'm not even over the first time with T1....

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME????? I just don't think I'm a good candidate for therapy at all.

Also there is NOTHING wrong with you!!!

[ruh roh]

Unilateral decisions are not okay, ever, though it's at least something that she said this was a temporary hold on touch and not permanent.

If she has had time to consult with others, then this was not a reaction to whatever it was you told her yesterday, so there must have been something going on where she felt she had triggered something in you and it caused her concern. I am not defending her in this, just want to point that out, and asking if there was something going on prior to your disclosure yesterday. Something must have happened that made her concerned for your well being. Do you know what it was?

Also, I am so very sorry you're going through this.

I'm so sorry!! Nothing is wrong with you.

Just my advice, but I'd set up an appointment with a massage therapist ASAP! When touch became an issue for me in therapy a while back, having a stranger willing to touch me for as long as I needed was a blessing! It sounds like you really need to be touched.

[divine1966]

Wow. Sorry She could at least discuss it with you first. I wonder if you are better off not seeing somatic therapist? But see the one who focuses on other things? I don't know much about this.

Also about therapy, maybe you need to see a therapist with very strict, strong boundaries. I.e. No touching, no out of session contact. Then there is absolutely nothing for someone to take away from you and you can focus on what's important instead of worrying about holding on.

Originally Posted by Out There

I can see that would be triggering too , but I think she did it for your safety although you may feel otherwise. I do EMDR and my T would not do it if I was unstable. I hope when you feel a little more settled you will discuss this with your T. The withdrawal of the type of touch needs to be seen on a cognitive level too , my T calls seeing this " difference " the CBT part of trauma focussed CBT, this is the withdrawal of " treatment touch " which is probably different than the hugs and hand holding but the triggers and the traumas feel the same. ( Same thing same thing goes the trauma - I know. ). I have followed your story and know you have done well with T3 after a lot of issues with T1. I hope this has helped a little.

That was my guess too, though I don't know much about EMDR.

[LonesomeTonight]

Hugs...I'm sorry this is happening again. When T's make unilateral decisions like that, it sucks. And yes, it does feel like they, and only they, know what's best for you (recent issue with my T and e-mailing is like that). Would you consider scheduling a session to discuss it with her again? Though I understand why you might not want to go back...

[rainbow8]

I am very sorry this is happening to you again but I hope you'll reconsider and go back to your T. I agree that if she consulted others about you, it wasn't a hasty decision based on your last session. She believes it is best for you not to do the body work right now, but she will return to it in a while.

Still, she should have discussed it with you!! I don't know why Ts are like that! You know my story. When my T took hand holding away, she gave me her reason and didn't accept my different opinion. She didn't have her SE training at that time, though.

Since your T is trained to do bodywork, she must really believe she is doing what's best for you. Maybe you can go back and discuss her reason in more detail. You've worked so well with T3 it would be a shame to quit, in my opinion. I hope she will listen to your feelings about her decision, and maybe she will change her mind.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

But here's now another T who chooses to make a HUGE change without discussing it with me. She said she spoke to a couple of mentors about me. No one cares what I think, nor do they give me the option to argue my case. They are like effing God, they have our hearts right in the palm of their hands. So, I'm done with T3, who was getting to the point of her being my ONLY T. I was finding more help with her....

I had something happen to me recently that infuriated me and I sent the rare e-mail to my T concerning it. I was going to see her the following day and because I know that I can minimize, intellectualize and a half dozen other 'ize's in a very short time, wanted to capture my emotional state at the moment before I lost the ability to express it. Here's an excerpt from that e-mail:

"Once again, people with too much power over me who are supposed to be protecting me and providing for my needs will use that power to traumatize. I am in a very dark and dangerous place."

Your situation seems like it has some parallels to mine. I have said the following so often in my life, it's almost become a catch phrase:

Before you try to help someone, it is helpful to know what help for them is.

I usually say it as a reminder to myself. I try to help someone and they turn out resenting it or it doesn't turn out helpful at all or something...and then I remember that I never did ask what I could do to help - I just jumped in there and assumed. You T has made some assumptions about what you need and you believe her assumptions were wrong. No one knows more about your experience of being you than you so I'm going to trust your thoughts on this rather than hers. I'm sorry that you are hurt by her unilateral decisions; I would be too.

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME????? I just don't think I'm a good candidate for therapy at all.

Perhaps your T is not a good candidate for therapy at all. Or maybe she is just imperfect and is trying her best and her best just happens to suck in this case. But you - naw, you're a good candidate for therapy...I've read your posts.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I agree with the idea of a massage therapist. I think touch is getting in the way of your actual therapy. Maybe you should talk to your T about why you are desperate for touch in therapy, but are not seeking it elsewhere (friends, family, relationships, massage therapist).

Would you go to therapy if touch was never allowed again?

I'm the hugging type. I want a goodbye hug from my Ts. I would hurt if they took hugs away, but I wouldn't end therapy over that. In fact, I think if/when I find a new T, I won't ask for hugs. For me, I think it worsens my attachment issues.

Chopping & changing isn't good therapy. I'd walk away

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

So, I know a lot of you know what my story is with T1, if not, here's the thread...
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...-its-gone.html

Since T1 so abruptly took that away (and much more), I finally found T3, who I thought was exactly what I'd been waiting for. She is a somatic experiencing therapist whose focus is on body work. I came to eventually loving my sessions with her, even though some were painful), and looking forward to therapy with her. I've been seeing her since February. Well, I had "something" happen over the weekend that was upsetting, but not entirely traumatic for me. I guess I made the mistake of telling her about this, because I had a session with her yesterday (that was scheduled for an hour and a half) and turned out I left after 20 minutes, storming out of the room.

She's taking the body/table work away, because of something I told her, because she doesn't want to retraumatize. She said once I'm more stable in a couple months, we can do it again. I do NOT agree with her. I needed that table session BAD yesterday.....and told her so. I told her I'm getting really effing tired of everyone else knowing whats in my best interest better than I do. Eventually, I told her to take me off the schedule.

Even T1 said I have improved some since the bodywork (kinda like a mixture of reiki and massage), and I know it has helped me immensely. I told her I needed it badly today.

This T, who only lives a mile down the road from me, I know likes me quite a lot. Just in her words and actions. But here's now another T who chooses to make a HUGE change without discussing it with me. She said she spoke to a couple of mentors about me. No one cares what I think, nor do they give me the option to argue my case. They are like effing God, they have our hearts right in the palm of their hands. So, I'm done with T3, who was getting to the point of her being my ONLY T. I was finding more help with her....

I'm devastated. Again. And I'm not even over the first time with T1....

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME????? I just don't think I'm a good candidate for therapy at all.

There's nothing wrong with you. It's therapy that has something wrong with it. Therapy is carried out be humans and we are all fallible and imperfect. I'm sorry you are going through this again! Something that struck me was that your T mentioned her mentors thought this was for the best. I guess that means she was unsure herself, and perhaps continues to be unsure. Sometimes in my therapy my T's have referred back to a previous conversation with something that seemed like someone else's voice. At those times I've thought that I was hearing the voice of their supervisor. It often seemed incongruent and out of step with our relationship.

[musinglizzy]

Thanks for the replies! I took a break from PC for the weekend, and am just now getting caught up. She did explain it to me. I understand. I just hate it when Ts make decisions that they believe is in your best interest, without bothering to ask for any input from US. The clients. I knew what she did when I started with her, and up until now she's remained so consistent, and truly very caring. I'm sure she still does care. I'm sure she felt awful when I stormed out of the room. In fact, she called T1 right away to explain what had just happened. T1 told me in an Email over the weekend that she warned T3 this might happen, so T1 knew about it before I did. T1, who isn't particularly fond of T3, has told me she has seen much improvement in my sessions since I started with T3.

I cannot afford massage. I went to reiki for awhile and enjoyed it, but I couldn't afford to keep doing that either. T3 is a licensed massage therapist as well. She does some light massage and energy work. That's her trademark. She said she is the ONLY body-centered psychotherapist in my state. I just may look to see if that's true. When I was looking for Ts when I was so hurt by T1, I started with T2, who is CBT. Aside from a brief hug at the end of the session, there has been no touch whatsoever. And I'm fine with that! What I'm NOT fine with is getting comfortable with someone, and their modality, just to have them change things on a whim. Yes, something happened a week ago, where, in a way, my trust and body was somewhat violated. It was not traumatic for me though, although I was angry/irritated. But it was my husband. She thought the bodywork would be too triggering for me now. Apparently she talked to three different mentors about me. I wish she'd have talked to me and asked me what I thought. I have canceled my sessions with her this coming week, and we'll see about the week after.

T3, I was quite sure, was "the one." But now I see she's quite capable of pulling the same crap T1 did, and I just can't handle that. I have had a pretty rough weekend.

[Out There]

Give yourself some time and space to settle down. Sometimes having a break is a good idea. Can you see somethings between T1 and T3 though ? T1 isn't too fond of T3 - I wonder why ? But she can see the improvement.... ( a little grudge there perhaps ? ) When there's a problematic T in the mix of our experience sometimes we transfer things ( I do it with my T who's very good and the problematic T ) " You're just as bad ! " goes the trauma ( pulling the same crap as T1 - but it's different really ). I hope you stay with T3. There's been lots of input on this thread and that can feel a bit like an overload sometimes , so take care of yourself.

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Thanks for the replies! I took a break from PC for the weekend, and am just now getting caught up. She did explain it to me. I understand. I just hate it when Ts make decisions that they believe is in your best interest, without bothering to ask for any input from US. The clients. I knew what she did when I started with her, and up until now she's remained so consistent, and truly very caring. I'm sure she still does care. I'm sure she felt awful when I stormed out of the room. In fact, she called T1 right away to explain what had just happened. T1 told me in an Email over the weekend that she warned T3 this might happen, so T1 knew about it before I did. T1, who isn't particularly fond of T3, has told me she has seen much improvement in my sessions since I started with T3.

I cannot afford massage. I went to reiki for awhile and enjoyed it, but I couldn't afford to keep doing that either. T3 is a licensed massage therapist as well. She does some light massage and energy work. That's her trademark. She said she is the ONLY body-centered psychotherapist in my state. I just may look to see if that's true. When I was looking for Ts when I was so hurt by T1, I started with T2, who is CBT. Aside from a brief hug at the end of the session, there has been no touch whatsoever. And I'm fine with that! What I'm NOT fine with is getting comfortable with someone, and their modality, just to have them change things on a whim. Yes, something happened a week ago, where, in a way, my trust and body was somewhat violated. It was not traumatic for me though, although I was angry/irritated. But it was my husband. She thought the bodywork would be too triggering for me now. Apparently she talked to three different mentors about me. I wish she'd have talked to me and asked me what I thought. I have canceled my sessions with her this coming week, and we'll see about the week after.

T3, I was quite sure, was "the one." But now I see she's quite capable of pulling the same crap T1 did, and I just can't handle that. I have had a pretty rough weekend.

Did you give them permission to discuss you?? Because that would piss me off

[JaneTennison1]

Why are T1 and T3 discussing you? Yuck. I'd get a T not linked with any of this.

[atisketatasket]

I think if I were you I would not allow any current or subsequent therapist to speak with the first therapist who hurt you so much. I think your first therapist is going to blame all of that on you - she "warned" the third therapist that this might happen? That suggests to me she's blaming you for her mistake - and to other people now.

[divine1966]

Why are they talking to each other about you and warning each other about you? It's like t3 already has preconceived notion before she even started with you. It sounds very wrong to me. She changed her approach because t1 warned her about you potentially getting attached too much? The whole thing is just yuck

On a different note, you have three therapists but can't afford massage. Could you only see one t and massage t?