Here we go again. Boundary changing regarding touch

This. Exactly. I wondered if T1 was somehow mixed up in this.

Here is how this therapist is different from the first one: she told you what she was doing and why, and that it was not permanent. T1 did not tell you what she was doing, or why, and you had to suffer through realizing it on your own and dragging out of her why it was happening. There is a big difference there.

I'm so sorry this has happened!!

I do think T1 should be allowed nowhere near any therapist of yours in the future. She seems like an unhealthy person and the fact that she knew about this before you did is a big red flag. It raises too many questions about what role she is playing in this whole thing. She was not upfront or healthy in her interactions with you- I think it's probably safe to assume she is not upfront or healthy in her interactions with T3.

I'm really sorry you are going through this! And particularly when you were doing so well with T3.

You mentioned T2- do you think it might be helpful for you to touch base with that therapist? Though I would make clear that T2 is not to be talking to either T1 or T3.

The fact that T3 immediately rang T1 to say what happened would be disturbing to me as well. This is not a setup that is likely to serve you well at all.

Your two therapists sound too caught up in your situation, you really shouldn't need three therapists at one time and not one T to help you cope with another that you're still seeing. I don't say that to blame you, I know your situation has been very tangled but you're bouncing from one to the other which means it has the potential to be messy. I'd be furious if a T warned another T about me - just not ok but as long as you keep going between them it's likely to stay entangled.

If I were in your position, I'd stop discussing any of them with the other, and revoke any permission they have to talk to each other about you. Keep each relationships all separate and clean and maybe then see who you want to still see and get rid of the others.

I agree with that - I would immediately revoke permission for them to speak to each other.

Very sound Merecat

ML, pardon me if this is tangential. But though therapy never worked for me, I've long been a body work junky and found it, at minimum soothing and perhaps contributing to more calm as years progressed. I've done rolfing twice, shiatsu, triggerpoint therapy, Alexander Technique, Linklater Technique (voice) acupuncture, Feldenkrais technique, formal voice training, foam and ball rolling and yoga. It's been some of the best stuff I could do for myself.

I LOVE my body work and get a lot out of it. My only issue is it tends to bring up transference feelings just as intense as my therapy does but my body worker isn't trained in that sort of thing. Fortunately I found a body worker who is just SO full of love and positive energy, that she just rolls with my weirdness.

Some of my body work began with pleasant chit-chat which I usually quieted as I relaxed into the session. All of my body workers have been lovely people. Perhaps it's served a therapy function for me.

We have very good health insurance, so I pay nothing for my therapy(ies).

It would also take me quite awhile to get used to someone new touching me like that.

If insurance didn't cover it, I would not be in therapy at all.

BTW, I was naive I guess, and signed a consent form allowing them to talk. Obviously I regret that, and can take it back.

Ahhh! I'm so sorry- seems to me this has become very complicated for you. I would revoke the consents immediately.

I am so sorry this is happening. It sounds deeply unsettling.

Oh musinglizzy, I'm so sorry you are going through this again. It is understandable that it would take you back to when the boundary changes occurred with the other therapist, even if this sounds like a very different scenario. Of course those feelings would resurface for you, as I bet they were quite close to the surface anyway. I am also sorry that your therapists seem to be abusing the consent you gave them to communicate with each other. You should definitely retract it if you feel it is detrimental to your treatment.

I hope you can work things out with the somatic therapist, as it sounds like she has been helping you a lot up until this point.

I just thought I would update. She sent me an Email and asked if I would be willing to come in for a short session, if nothing else, to tie up loose ends prior to termination. I decided to do it. But was an absolute nervous wreck up until my 10:30 appointment this morning. It was just supposed to be a 20 minute session, but ended up being an hour. I sat there visibly shaking, crying, and downright raising my voice to her, while using dirty language because I was that angry. So for at least the first half of the session, it appeared this WAS a termination session. She questioned me about the situation, and I told her I started seeing her because T1 did something similar, and I was highly traumatized by that, and it still severely hurts a year and a half late. I told her that it seems no matter where I go, my option doesn't matter. I go to therapy to figure out what my needs and wants are,but told her it seems those don't matter anyway. I told her I was very upset because she made this change without even asking for my input. She went on about it being her professional opinion, and that she has had a lot of schooling and training to get to this conclusion. I told her I recognize she went through all of this, but that I am the expert on myself, no one else, no matter the training, can know how my head and heart really feels. I told her I know what I need, but it never seems to matter anyway. To make a long story short, she agreed to "take it back." She said when I ask for a table session, we'll get a table session. She did seem to apologize for not taking my opinion She asked what I wanted. I said I wanted things to stay the same. So she agreed.

I think she might even feel a little bad about having done this to begin with. I'm really glad I went today, and I hope I can just let this go and continue on with therapy as I know it with her.

So, I felt listened to today, and understood.

I appreciate all of the feedback and care here and just wanted to update. So I feel better about it. I "got my way," but that's not what I was looking for so much....I was looking to be understood and listened to, and I got that.

I'm getting a bit nervous about my session with her on Monday..... will it feel awkward? Will I feel like I am simply just "getting my way?" Will I be able to ask for what I need, if/when I need it? I'm supposed to ask for table work. That took me quite awhile to do, and now I kind of feel like I might have to start all over again.

I would be a little cautious of the getting your way part of it affect whether it's safe to do trauma work if you are triggered and unstable. There was some discussion of whether unilateral decisions are ever OK , but I make decisions with my EMDR that it's not good to do it if I am unstable - we have to be safe and it's also our T's responsibility to see that we are , it's those cognitive skills of seeing responding/reacting.

You might want to have an agreement with her that if she feels it's having a harmful effect, she can back off and talk to you about it. I imagine it puts her in a bind to move forward with something she sees as potentially triggering. Compromise is not a bad idea. As long as you are involved in the decision making, that's what's matters. This therapist's approach sounds very different than your first one, less dictatorial and authoritarian, but she still has an interest in providing a safe space for you. Maybe just play it by ear tomorrow and be open to trusting your gut on this?

Good luck tomorrow. Just be honest with what you want and ask your T to be honest too. That's how my T and I have negotiated our "touch difficulties."