Overcoming fear of crying in therapy?

I know this probably sounds like a basic question, and maybe it is, but it’s something I’ve struggled with for a while now. I’m a 21 year old male who desperately needs therapy. To put it bluntly, I’m F-ed up in countless ways. So the issue of whether I need help or not is moot at this point.

I guess the question I’m trying to ask is this: How do I overcome the fear of crying in front of a future therapist? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid to cry in general. But my problems have gotten me to a point where I’m likely to start crying during the first session just by grazing over various topics we’ll need to discuss over time.

It makes me feel pathetic to be so emotional so quickly & I don’t want the therapist to judge me. Does anybody else have experience with this? Surely other people cry a lot during therapy if they’re badly damaged, right? And to be clear, I’ve been to a therapist once before in a different city & teared up during the first session, but my life has went downhill significantly since then. Meaning the waterworks are even more likely now than ever.

Thanks for the advice in advance =)

You could tell your therapist that you're very concerned about crying. Bringing something out into the light of day will make it to where you can relax, and I'm sure the therapist will reassure you that tears are a normal part of life, especially when you're grieving or upset.

Did you know that tears of sadness have a different chemical composition than tears shed when cutting an onion. Tears of sadness are therapeutic so if you need to cry, cry. It's part of the healing.

I cry just about every session and I don't even have particularly difficult stuff to deal with. I joked to my T that at this point I think it's Pavlovian, I sit on the couch and I tear up automatically.

I once mentioned to my T that I'd read a forum discussion about what T's do with the kleenex box and trash can. Some clients like being handed a kleenex, some don't, some are annoyed when there's not a trash bin in sight, etc. My T's trash bin is normally tucked around the side of the couch, but he told me there are clients were he pulls the bin out automatically because he knows they'll need it. Some clients cry a lot, some don't... I think T's have seen every variation on that theme.

If I were a T and a client started crying one minute into their first session, I think I'd mainly feel glad that they had come in. And probably hopeful because they were able and willing to share themselves right away.

I'm male and older than twice your age and I've cried in therapy without shame. It's what's inside of you; don't be afraid to let it all out. It's part of the process. No one will judge you.

Thank you for your reply! That's what I keep trying to tell myself about the tears -- I probably wouldn't cry if I wasn't broken. Hopefully the therapist will agree

It's good to hear that I won't be alone when it comes to those recurring tears. Your T sounds like a great person in general, trying to accommodate his patients as much as possible. Thanks for the reply =)

Thank you for your reply, it's nice to know people understand! Allowing yourself to be vulnerable to get help is a difficult thing for us to do, I suppose

I cry a lot. It doesn't really matter to them one way or the other. Most just stare back and act like it's nothing. You haven't got anything to worry about.

Ya know, if it's not acceptable to cry in therapy, then where on earth are you supposed to do it?

That said, I get your fear. Nobody likes to cry, especially in front of other people. I wept like a baby my first therapy appointment, and, yes, I was mortified--but that was coming from me, not my T. They're used to people crying. Really. Their job is to help, not to judge.

Good luck with everything.

When I entered therapy with my current T, I was in a crisis and all that I did was cry for the first couple of sessions! Honestly, therapy is the one place that you can cry without feeling judged. If you go in there and see a box of Kleenex (all T's have them) you will know that it's safe to cry since they pretty much expect it. I'm happy to hear that you're seeking out therapy and wish you the very best!

I was already bawling in my 2nd session with current t. I said something like "Now you're seeing the real me". I've cried many, many times since then in the past 5 years. She never tries to get me to stop, she sits there and holds the space and lets me feel whatever I'm needing to feel, and doesn't judge me. The most she'll ever say while I'm bawling is "we have plenty of kleenex."

It took me years of therapy to cry and even feel in therapy because I was so numb. I remember sessions later on where crying is all I ever seemed to do.

I know it is harder for guys to be okay with crying because of stereotypes that men don't cry and stuff but really it is okay. Therapists are used to it. In fact, they kind of expect it. I wouldn't be too worried about it. You can discuss your fears about crying with the therapist. I am sure they will reassure you. They are not their to judge just to help.

I cry ALOT in therapy and feel sometimes self conscience ad kind of awkward.. its hard . but the more I've gotten to know my T, the more I feel safe with him. I think especially since he is a guy T... it was really awkward at first . There is only maybe 2 males in my life saw me really cry besides him, my adopted dad, I call him, and one of my boyfrineds I felt safe with.. so... I have to really feel safe.. its kind of healing to be in my T's presence and knowing he is not judging me on this and wants me to process and get it out . and he's asked me about why I'm afraid to cry too much or let myself feel the intensity. I'm so afraid the flood will not stop.. I do contain myself.. still.. like I haven't overflowed but I do cry and then repress.

I'm not a guy but grew up in a family that didn't do emotions. My parents are really logical, clearheaded people, so they felt like emotions were an annoyance and unproductive. Even after years of therapy, I still struggle to cry in therapy even when I need to. I feel stupid and weak when I cry, like I'm being a bratty child.

So A) it can be really scary and vulnerable to cry in front of someone
B) even more vulnerable in front of someone you don't know (such as a therapist)
C) we totally get it.

And also, like others have said,
D) they're used to it. It's what they do. My therapist uses the metaphor of a car mechanic. When you take your car to the mechanic, he doesn't really care about judgments. It's not his job. His job is to fix the car. He said, "Oh, look, you've got a leak in your radiator, let me fix that." He's not frowning on you because of something happening in your car. So my therapist says I don't have to worry about what I'm bringing there or if I'm crying or not. His job is to help, not to judge.

In the end, please know that when you find a good therapist, it's safe to cry there. And then you're not hurting alone. They are there with you in the pain.

That is something I struggle with too. I even find myself fighting tears if I am alone at home, like somehow it's not okay to cry. I know that it is okay though. My T has poked the wrong buttons a time or two and I had trouble getting the subject changed in time. I know i can be pretty volatile when I'm upset, and I really can't think of a place I feel safe in letting some things out of the cage. Maybe the middle of a dessert, some place I can't tear the hell out of things.