rupture leading to break

has anyone chosen to take a break from therapy after a rupture with their therapist? more specifically, have you gotten into a conflict so bad that you decided to "ghost"?

if so, how long? did your therapist contact you? how was it going back?

I have had many ruptures over the years. I've not shown up, threatened to quit etc. the best reaction I've found is to tell t how something they said or did hurt you. When you repair the relationship that's where the real healing happens. Try to put it into words if you can.

I had a rupture with T last year. It had something to do with my fear she would take away some of the things she does that comforts me...before I was ready to let go of them. I was going to quit therapy because I was afraid T's answer would confirm my worst fear.

I emailed PrevT about it. I appreciated her reply.

I hope it helps, firecracker-

"I think that there is a part of you that continues to feel that if she (T) disappoints you at all (which being human she is bound to do at some point to some degree…just as I did/do), that there is no recovery of a caring relationship…Your fear is founded..humans do inevitably disappoint the ideal relationship…yet the true value of a relationship is that it can and does recover a closeness. Trust is built on the recovery…not on the incident.
Does that make sense?"

i did. i took a 6 week break last year after a major rupture during an incredibly stressful time in my life with not only T, but work and family as well. i literally felt i was at rock bottom and my life was spiraling out of control. at that time, i was quite scared that if i would have tried to stay in T to resolve the rupture that the stress and overwhelm from it would have literately been the death of me.

i needed to do something to end the out of control spiraling that was consuming my life and taking a break from T was one way i was able to regain some sense of control. i am thankful that i decided to do it. it provided me with a sense of empowerment that i really needed at that time.

i notified my T by text about my decision and told him i would see him in 6 weeks time and kept true to my word. i really did not have any contact with T during the break nor did i really want to. although it was difficult at times, i knew i needed a complete break from him to help calm my sanity level and to just really give myself a break from the complete mind f*$% that i felt i was experiencing at the time. he tried a couple of times to contact me, once saying that he realised that he had not heard from me in a while (i think he was trying to gauge where i was at in regard to my feelings about him) and all i said in response was 'thank you for thinking of me'.

going back was interesting...i felt like i was in more control of my therapy than when i had left and i felt strong enough to decide to cut back my sessions from 2 times a week to 1. we spent a lot of time (many many sessions) discussing the rupture and what lead to it. in the end, i think he struggled with it more than i did and he wanted to analyse it over and over again, where i was ready to just move forward with my therapy and focus on other topics..his over analysing got a bit frustrating after a while to be honest.

No. 3 and I had a mega-mega rupture. I didn't see her for two weeks after because she was out of town. Then I was out of town. As a result the rupture was never addressed in the moment, and though we did talk about it, it remains unresolved - and I moved, so I'm not seeing her anymore.

So if you feel you can go to session, my advice would be to go.

This! .

I'm not sure if it was a "rupture" but there have been times I have taken a break from therapy. Both times were short breaks (1-2 weeks off) and were times when I felt too overwhelmed with everything and didn't think I could cope. Both times I ended up missing T too much and so I returned.

I have had lots of ruptures. With my last t she didn't show up one day after a three hour drive to see her, managed to repair this rupture but the next one wasn't something I was willing to work on with her and I ghosted her. She never contacted me again and I am more than ok with that. She sent me a friend request on Facebook and then when I accepted she denied doing it and said it was by accident. That sometimes she looks at clients profile pictures which is highly unethical and must have sent the request by mistake. I didn't even try to repair this because she took no responsibility for her actions and instead chose to lecture me in boundaries. I said you asked me to be friends, remember? And I never went back, I should have reported her.
Current t and I have had so many ruptures I can't even count them all, it's usually from some sort of misattunement. We have managed to repair them all so far, and it has made us closer. I think that if you can talk to your t at all and try and work it out without walking away this will be rewarding for your relationship with your t, sometimes ts can't take responsibility for their mistakes and cause more damage though.

I took a break after multiple ruptures with T1, consulted another T and in the end decided not to go back. I am still with the second T nearly 2 years later.

I've had a rupture about 3 months ago. I didn't quite ghost. The rupture was via email and text. Then due to her responses I decided to stop therapy. I've had probably three therapy breaks in 4 years. This time I worded it differently and I said that I'm stopping sessions. Before I would categorize it as break. Three out of the four times she would try to talk me through it. I haven't heard from her since and I don't expect to. She doesn't work that way. She gets defensive with me in session and I believe she wants to feel needed or wanted. Therefore if I haven't shown the want to come back then she will not "force" the issue. Every therapist is different. She had cheated throughout the years herself in the way she handles situations. I'm not sure if that's particular to me. Some therapist don't believe in "pushing" therapy a or seeking out those clients that have taken a break. Although we might think that it's the proper or professional thing to do it doesn't quite work that way. Again every therapist is different so perhaps your therapist might work differently.

I think the one of the most healing things I've learned from my T is that I can be angry with him and express my anger (appropriately) and he's not going to lash out at me and hurt me. I've always viewed anger as an overwhelming bad thing. Everyone's different though... if you think you need a break then that's what you need. But I would encourage trying to discuss the issue if you are able

I have not ghosted a t, but I believe that most ts think it is not right to contact a client who has quit coming. Their thought is that they should not try to talk you into coming back because that would benefit their pocketbook. I don't know that I agree with this perspective, but it is definitely a position that many take.

For me, that would drive me crazy. I would be waiting for contact and wondering if the no contact was driven by professional ethics or because they were glad to see me go.

I don't think that there is anything wrong with ghosting a t, though. If they have messed up and you are done, you don't owe them anything. And I think that most would take you back as a client after a break.

Despite the admonitions to "work things out with the therapist" I think it important to distinguish between a difference of opinion and an irresponsible, abusive or narcissistic therapist. If a therapist is harmful, negligent, deflecting, blaming or defensive, I think it potentially damaging for a client to remain with the burden of repairing the relationship. It's not a client's job to "train" the provider.

I only harmed myself trying to penetrate my abusive co-therapists' defenses because I thought "I should." The therapists claimed all authority in the relationship, so every gesture I made was employed against me.

This is a resource for clients dealing with harmful therapy.
www.therapyabuse.org/

I wanted to take a break from my former therapist when we had a rupture and his response was that "it would be crazy to take a break from therapy now" (literally). He would not accept my intention and talked me out of it. But things just got worse and worse and eventually I left for good, not so much because of the fallout but because I no longer found him useful, I was just paying to have extra frustration in my life.

Never had a rupture with my current T (~6 months) but I am taking a break now (~1 month). I think that sometimes a bit of distance can do good.

My co-therapists tried to talk me out of it as well. More than that, they intimidated and belittled me in front of the room--it was group therapy. The male particularly was so brainwashed in his own theory--that my protests signaled some kind of magical breakthrough--that he held me emotional captive for a time.

My T and I had a rupture at the beginning of the year and talked and talked about it and I feel like she said some things to appease me but nothing has changed. I'm going to be taking a break until the beginning of next year but am not sure if I'm going to go to my appointment next week to tell her in person, leave her a voicemail or I'm so tempted to just "Ghost" as I hate confrontation. I do want to be able to go back so I know that ghosting is not a great idea. I'm afraid that if I go to the next session that she will try to talk me out of it. Good luck!

If a therapist is destructive, narcissistic, defensive, etc., simply leaving can be the best decision, independent of one's comfort with confrontation. I got nothing but pain and sorrow in my efforts to stand up to my therapists.

This was exactly the case with my former T. He kept insisting that we "work out" the conflicts and even guilt tripped me for not willing to deal with it any further. At some point, I decided to simply not go to my next session and told him this via email. He then still tried to change my mind and said things like my frustration with him was displaced anger from my childhood, directed to wards my mother, and that if I don't work it out with him, it's likely I'll repeat the same thing later. Luckily I realized how manipulative he was. Also, there hasn't been any repeating, I believe it is him who repeats this kind of behavior.

I had a misguided rupture-my T wasn't aware anything was wrong (I'm fun like that). I kept cancelling and 6 weeks went by. I was getting increasingly more annoyed and angry(because she didn't reach out). I wrote her pages and pages, never sending them, just wanted to get it out of my system. Then for no real reason I kept an appointment. It was weird at first, because she didn't know I was mad, or why. We sat in awkward silence for a bit and I gave her one of the letters outlining my discontent. She was extremely receptive-gleeful-even. She was encouraging and wonderful. This was a little over a year ago. I'm glad I decided to talk to her and express all the tangles in my head.

My T is none of those things and I use the word, "Confrontation" very loosely. She is very kind and sweet, I just can't stand her boundaries! I want a break from therapy in general and don't want to have to discuss it with her.

If you don't want to discuss it, then I suppose what you do would depend on how your t does her schedule. I might try skipping a week to see how I felt about that, and then just schedule something for a few months out.

I felt my T. was going to terminate me. I decided I wanted a 5 week break to figure out what I wanted from therapy. I told her I was taking a break. She texted back that she needed me to come in. I asked why and she said to continue the discussion. I was worried I couldn't make the 5 weeks and went in and she terminated me.
If I had to do it over again, I would have taken the break. I agree with another poster that I would have gone back stronger and have a more clear idea of what I need. I believe it was unethical for her to somewhat demand that I come back. She should have honored my need for space.
Her termination was the best thing that happened out of that relationship.

Soccer mom,

Am I reading this correctly? You texted her that you wanted to take a 5 week therapy break. She said you needed to come in and talk to her. You went to meet with her like she asked, and she terminated you as a patient before the 5 weeks happened?

Yes that is correct. I guess I could have refused but at the very moment she texted I was crying worried I had made a mistake.

what is "ghosting?" Just disappearing?