My therapist just terminated me

Personally, I don't need to know both sides of any story that is talked about in a therapeutic setting. Therapy isn't about who's side of the story is right. It's about YOUR story and how YOU experienced it. Telling anyone who has experienced pain and hurt in a therapy situation that you can't empathize or accept that the hurt is real or deep because you don't know both sides of the story is as hurtful as a therapist saying to a client, "I hear you about the pain you experienced at the hands of your abusive mother, but I can't really believe or accept that any of this happened until I talk to your mother and hear her side of the story." I would find both comments to be very invalidating!

Hang in there, Myrto. People here are hearing your pain and know without a doubt that this woman was ill-equipped to be a therapist.

Thanks. And I mean, it's not like I'm lying when I talk about what my therapist did. I tried to be as objective as possible when recounting the story.

I didn't mean to make you feel like you weren't being objective. It certainly doesn't justify her being unprofessional but maybe her terminating, her behavior, etc. isn't about you at all.

Keep your head up!

Okay, please enlighten me and how a T who is extremely competent and well-suited should respond and help their client cope with trauma like this?

I'm so sorry, Myrto. I hope that you will be able to talk about what this T did to you with a new, more competent T. Allow yourself to grieve the loss even though it's painful. Hugs.

Have you heard from new T yet? Have you guys established any boundaries around contacting her/him?

I'm not a T, dtrain and therefore, I don't feel that I can enlighten you about how a competent and well-trained T should respond. My hope is that Myrto will find a good therapist to help her process this whole fiasco or not if she doesn't want to ever trust one again. I wasn't directing my comment at you directly but I simply wanted to express my personal reaction to any comment from a T or a layperson that encourages a person who is talking about her personal pain in ANY relationship but particularly the pain she has experienced in a ruptured therapeutic relationship, but then when the person finishes revealing her deepest anguish, tells her that they really can't comment or empathize because they haven't heard both sides of the "story". That takes away from what the person has talked about--telling them, without saying the actual words, that her "story" needs to be checked out because there might be a reason for the person treating them in such a shabby manner. I relate what I say to the abuse and trauma that many of us have experienced here on this forum from our families or relatives and how we might feel if our T said to us, "Well, that certainly sounds horrendous but I really can't help until I hear their side of the story." Why is it that T's have no difficulty talking to an individual in therapy and never saying they need to talk to their family member, but when someone is injured in a therapeutic relationship, Ts, as a group, have a VERY HARD time believing what the client has told them? Seems fishy to me. I don't know about you, but I would NOT want to be working with any T who said those types of things nor would that person be someone I'd turn to as a friend when in an emotional crisis.

But how I feel about this entire issue is definitely my own personal feelings and experience. The only one I want to hear the statement: "I need to hear both sides of the story" is a lawyer or a judge. Purely personal and I can accept that others might not feel the same way.

Thanks for asking. She called me back and said she didn't have any openings before our actual session on Tuesday. So there's that. I will ask her boundaries around out of session contact. I went out tonight with a friend to see the latest Bridget Jones movie. It was fun and a good way to distract myself. The thing I'm dreading is going to bed because there I'll obsess over it, replaying our last session over and over again.

Oh no! You didn't make me feel that way, I was just clarifying.

Do you have any other plans for the weekend, Myrto? It seems like being able to spend time with friends and finding some things to do that might be engaging could help distract you a bit until Tuesday?

I'm really sorry that she couldn't squeeze you in more quickly!

I'm going to my first ever session of Bikram yoga (hot yoga) tomorrow. I have been planning on going for a long time but always decided against it as I didn't have enough energy. But I don't want to mope around tomorrow, so I need to distract myself as much as possible and what better way than an hour and a half of yoga while I sweat in a 40 degrees room. Thanks for asking!

Ooh, that sounds like it could be interesting! I've never done hot yoga (I don't do well with heat) - but trying new things is definitely a good distraction, and gives us more experiences to use to figure out the world.

I hope you enjoy the class! And.. an hour and a half?! Ha - you're brave! Good luck with it!

Hang in there. Sending you positive energy.

So I finally got the letter from my ex T. I thought it would contain more than the termination email, that it would be more detailed, more personal, just "more". Well silly me. Of course not. That's how it goes: "Hello Myrto, you started a psychotherapy with me two and a half years ago, one session per week. Upon reflection, I agree with you that the results of this therapeutic work are insufficient and that it is best to put an end to it. I therefore confirm we will have no more sessions, nor other contacts whether they are virtual, physical or oral. Regards, T." That's it. That's all I got after two and a half years. A cold, impersonal letter. And we have never agreed on termination, contrary to what she makes it sound, so she's completely lying. No discussion, no closure session. Nothing. Just: it's over, bye. I cannot get over this.

I'm so sorry Myrto

Hugs Myrto. If you have difficulty sleeping due to the thoughts, can you try mindfulness? Being nonjudgmental and kind to yourself as the thoughts happen?

Thanks. I thought about trying mindfulness. I know there are apps for this. But I also wanted to try mindfulness in a group. I have actually joined a mindfulness group, the sessions start in January (yeah it's quite far away).

There's mindfulness tracks for sleep on YouTube as well. It's good that you're joining a group. Hang in there ((hug))

Ugh, that's awful. And she makes it sound like it was your idea to end it, not hers.

I thought the same as LT. It's really manipulative to say she "agrees" with you. I'm so sorry Myrto, I want to say, allow yourself to grieve. Things will get better with time.

Yeah I know. She pretends it's all a common agreement even though we have not discussed this. I think she's doing that to protect herself legally. She knows perfectly well that she's not allowed to terminate me like that. So on top of being unethical and manipulative, she's a liar.

I don't know if you ever thought of this or not, Myrto, but you've posted some threads on this forum over time, checking out with others about the things that were being said and done by your T. Each thread is stamped with a date and time. Pretty good evidence that you have been talking for a while about how crazy making this T's words and actions were to you. You might want to print things off and use them to help you with a time line if you decide at some point that you'd like to pursue an official complaint against her.

I'm so sorry that her "official" letter was more about her CYA than it was about making sure that you had some solid referrals and other supports around you. It's especially disturbing that she made veiled references to "discussing" termination with you when that was NOT the case. Not a very professional or ethical T.

(((Myrto))) I am so sorry this therapist betrayed you. And I'm sorry for your loss.

You seem to be holding up well-going out and doing things-the movie, yoga, is really healthy. I'm very impressed with your resilience.

She was cruel and spiteful, no doubt about it. Why was the spite necessary? This therapist has no business working with clients who have the propensity to be traumatized by her shortcomings.

I think that one day you'll realize how much better off you are without her.
Spitefulness Scale: What Traits Make A Person More Likely To Engage In The Destructive Behavior?

. I'm sorry this has happened Myrto. . You're doing positive things. I use mindfulness a lot. Hope this link may be helpful for you.

Thanks for the link!