My therapist just terminated me

I'm in total distress. I had called my therapist twice this week and left two messages asking for her to call me back. I sent her an email tonight asking why she wasn't responding. Well she just responded by saying she was terminating and that we would never have any communication: no email, no phone calls, no sessions, nothing. I saw another therapist this week and was planning on seeing her again for a while but I NEVER wanted to completely stop the sessions with her. qi was hoping to resolve all of it. And now she's sent me this email. I want to die, seriously. How can she do such a thing? Drop me like that? She behaved horribly during our session on Monday. But like I said I was still hoping we could work through it, she could apologize. And now it's over. I will never get over this. Ever.

I'm so sorry, Myrto. She has done rotten, punitive things in the past but this must come as an awful shock. It really seems as though she has tried to hurt you intentionally at times, and that is a terrible way for a therapist to behave. Such a breach of trust coming from someone in a helping profession.

Can you get in to see the other T on an urgent basis?

Thanks. I just can't believe she has done this. That she has pulled the trigger. After two and a half years, she drops me like this. I've only seen the other therapist once. I sent her a text (I don't even know if I'm allowed to) because I don't have her email address. But she will respond only tomorrow, IF she responds. I'm ****ing alone in this.

What's worse is: in the email she makes it sound like we both agree on the termination. "I agree with you that it's best to terminate". I have NEVER agreed to any of this. I don't even get a closure session, nothing. Two and a half years meant nothing. She decides to terminate and that's it, no discussion. She doesn't even know I've seen another therapist. And she doesn't give me ANY referrals in the email. She doesn't care that I'll be on my own dealing with this. She doesn't care.

Oh wow. Myrto - I am so, so sorry. You have every right to be upset, hurt, angry, and whatever else you're feeling.

That is such incredibly bad behavior on the part of your therapist. Heck, "breaking up" by ignoring somebody, and then finally telling them that it's over via email would be disrespectful and immature behavior in ANY relationship, but 1000 times so in a therapeutic one.

I am so sorry, and I wish there were something I/we could do to make it easier and help ease the pain.

Lots of hugs, if you're OK with them. And, virtual chocolate.

I think you said that the new T knew about the old T's bad behaviors (because new T was validating you in this situation, right?). Can you get in to see new T soon? Do you think that having someone to talk to in-person will help you process some of this? It sounds like new T will understand the situation (and I'm SURE she'll validate you in this, as your old T is so incredibly off-base with her behaviors).

*hugs* Hang in there...

I'm sorry Myrto that your T has let you down like this and how you are feeling. A T did something similar to me ( and it sucks ) and it's painful. But the blessings come in disguise , although it's taken me 18 months and much anguish to see it. I feel your new T is a door opening for you - she did validate your problems with the other T ,Yes ? So I hope you will continue with her and she contacts you soon. It's good you're posting here about it , you're not alone in this.

I just found a paper from the mailman in my postbox. Apparently a letter has arrived for me (you know the kind of letter you have to sign for, I don't know the word in English) and I have to pick it up tomorrow at the post office. It's my T's. In the email she says that she sent me a letter. So that must be it. Maybe there is more explanation in that letter. Maybe not. I'll know tomorrow. In any case she's going to pay for this. One way or another she's going to pay. I don't see why I should suffer while she gets to carry on.

I'm so sorry, Myrto. From your other threads, it appears this therapist was on some kind of destructive ego trip using your well-being as her plaything and frankly I'm not surprised she'd drop you like a hot rock, based on what you've described. The way she was acting was nuts imo. She sounds like she has some issues herself and she took them out on you. You don't deserve it and I hope you can work through it, either by yourself or with another therapist.

Do you think you could file a complaint against her?

You shouldn't die, you should live and get better. You can do it. This woman is not your life and she is unworthy of you. People do care about you.

I'm so sorry, Myrto. This is exactly what happened to me with my former therapist. I completely understand your pain and my heart breaks for you.

I don't know your story/history with this T, but I'll try to look it up. This is truly heartbreaking, and I'm so sorry you're going through this!

Oh yes, I remember now...I DID see your posts, on her change in boundaries and such. She was so very punishing, it seemed. Big hugs to you!

Thank you. Maybe the new T will see me this week but maybe she doesn't have any availability as it's quite short notice. I shall see what she says as I have sent her a text. Thanks for the virtual chocolate, I need it!

That is in no way an acceptable way to terminate. Completely unprofessional with no regard to your feelings at all. That T is a manipulative b**ch on a power trip.
You must be devastated and hurting so very deeply right now, Myrto. I'm so sorry you have had to endure this.
Could you call the other T tomorrow if she doesn't respond? I'm sure if you explain what has just happened she would try her best to fit you in for an emergency session.

She had turned so cold. You are better off without her in the long run even though it hurts now. I know the deep hurt but you deserve much better treatment than what she was giving or not giving.

Thanks. I don't know about the complaint. We don't have the same kind of legal protection in Belgium where I live as you guys have in the US or the UK (as far as I can tell). Unless the therapist sleeps with a client or something extreme like this, there is usually no legal recourse. But I will ask my new therapist about it, maybe she'll have some advice. There is no way I'm gonna let my therapist get away with this.

Thank you so much. Yes I remember the way your therapist treated you and eventually dropped you. Thank you for understanding. The thing is, I know she was way out of line but I still love her. I had been seeing her for so long.

I'm so sorry this has happened. What she was doing before with the email thing was bad, but this is awful. She shouldn't be terminating like this. You should have some say in it. I understand still loving her, as I would still love my T if she did this. It must be very painful for you. I'm so sorry, hugs.

I'm so sorry, Myrto. That was awful on many levels, how she treated you. So if you hadn't e-mailed, would you have just received the letter without any warning? That just seems so heartless...and why wouldn't she have just talked to you about it in your most recent session? Sending big hugs...hopefully you can get in to see the new T soon...I agree that you should try calling the new one tomorrow if you don't hear back from the text.

So sorry to read this Myrto... but it was a rather predictable outcome based on all the recent events with this therapist, no? I also hope that you will find a much, much more competent and skilled therapist who focuses on your needs and is helpful, not punitive. Something about the latter that came to my mind though, also reading the suggestions on this thread... Perhaps not rushing the potential new T, especially not via texts and phone calls, might not be a bad idea? Try not to get into another version of this cycle but sit with it for a bit by yourself? Just a thought.

It's called a certified letter. If she's contacting you that way it sounds like she's trying to protect herself from some type of (legal?) repercussions.

And I'm so sorry too about her sucky behavior to you.

Myrto... this is in no way meant to dismiss the pain that you're in, sidetrack the thread, or give a pass to your awful former therapist.

But, you're in Belgium? Hmm... I think maybe you should be sending US chocolate! Don't you guys have really amazing chocolates there? Or is my brain foggy?

And, honestly, I wish I could send you some of the pumpkin cheesecake that our fancy supermarket had a few weeks ago. It was really delicious. I bet pumpkin cheesecake + chocolate is the true secret of world peace.

*hugs* I hope you hear back from the new T really soon, if you haven't already, and that she ends up being wonderful and really helpful...

I'm so sorry Myrto. I know it hurts and I understand you still love her. A part of me still loves my ex-T and it's been 20 months without her now (though I'm more in an anger phase currently).

Didn't she tell you not to email anymore? And you pushed the boundaries first time and got your session canceled. And here you emailed her again.

It's not fair or how it's "supposed" to go. But there were signs. Maybe it's for the better, instead of stringing you along causing you more hurt. And maybe this new T is exactly who you were meant to see. The timing is perfect.

Yup, that's what my ex-psychiatrist is doing. Which makes me want to find out what those repercussions are. Do you know any lawyers?

I see potential for a "Strangers on a Train" kind of plot here...

Yes she told me not to email anymore. But she wasn't responding to my phone calls or my texts asking for a session. And finally the truth was revealed: she must have posted that letter on Tuesday since it arrived today. So the whole time she knew she was terminating me but expected me to find out by surprise via mail. **** her.

Does anybody know if someone can remove a comment from a Facebook page? My therapist has a professional FB page and I'm planning on writing a really bad review but I don't want her to be able to delete my comment.