Dear Client

Wow, your words moved me a lot, satsuma. As you may remember, I'm in schema therapy too. One question I really want to ask my T is that if she had really been there while I was being hurt, would she have stepped in for real? Or is what I do with her a fantasy of her intentions too? Somehow that's so important to me.

Thank you for the reply QM.
Yes I do remember that you are in schema therapy as well. Do you do imagery work with your T?
We do one where I am imagining sonething that happened when I was young, and then I enter the image as an adult. Sometimes my T enters the image as well, to defend me in some way. I find this imagery is very powerful. It's really important for me to believe that T really would have intervened, if he had been there in real life. One time he told me that he would have called the police "in a breath".
I wish T had been there for real ... but it still changed how I see the situation, to know what T would have done *if* T had been there.
Maybe you could directly ask your T about this and what she would have done? If you're comfortable having that discussion with her. These are powerful things I think, but so important.

Yes we do imagery too. We first created an imaginary safe space which was T sitting with me somewhere. Then in the beginning of other imagery exercises involving experiences, at first I was too afraid even to defend myself in imagery, so T stepped in alone the first few times. Now it's my Healthy Adult and her but I still want her in there. I used to only be able to whisper (after I stopped being unable to speak) but now I can say things in a more normal voice though T has to coach me on words and encourage me to be firmer.

I really want to ask T if she'd be willing if the situation is real. It would help me lots because what I like about the exercises is actually not the imagery (I used fantasy a lot as a kid to comfort myself so I struggle loads with believing imagery is "fake", "not real" and I'm vocal about it to T) but the idea of T defending me when my Vulnerable Child couldn't. That she'd be willing.

Wished/created Birthday letter based on messages she has actually sent.

Dear <me>,
It is always great to see you, I look forward to meeting with you, and the many ways you share yourself with me. You have shown great courage, compassion, and openness through your willingness to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with me. They matter and, even more importantly, you matter!
Thank you for telling the story of who you are with your whole heart! For that courage, compassion, connection, and vulnerability--amazing, worthy, and of the utmost value!
I consider it an honor and a privilege to get to be a part of your life and to be able to fulfill this role in your life. Thank you for believing in me, this journey, and yourself!
Faithfully,
Dr. S

Dear Butterfly,

I hope you actually do the homework I give you. Please do it.

-T

Hi Lost,

I am so proud of you for not shying away, even though this work is hard. I'm still here, for as long as it takes. Remember, be kind to yourself.

See you next week,

R

Hey, Daisy,

You've made it past the halfway point of our vacation. You're doing great! I know the second half is going to be harder, but just focus on one day at a time. Take some time for yourself. Breathe. I'll see you in 16 days.

-roboT

You know this is my vulnerability. Why are you pushing at that button? Do you want to push me away?

Art, come on. Really? What is going on in that head of yours?! -t

Dear art's t:

I would ask the same of you. Therapist, analyze thyself.

- Cactus Woman (still, somehow, atat's t)

Dear Amy
Of course I don't mean those things. I say them because that is what therapists are supposed to say.

QM,

Yes you're really prickly. Yes, I'm neutral towards you though I don't dislike you.

I'm having a lovely holiday, weather's nice. I'm enjoying a bit of self care. Take care while I'm gone.

STOP.
just stop.

Hey! I'm having fun on vacation.
Luckily I have a normal life, unlike you. You're an attention seeker. You're so miserable. I got tired of you

EM

I'll miss you terribly while you're away.
If I have to come to your funeral I'll be pissed as hell, so don't do anything stupid. It'll only he a week and you'll be back here in the safe cocoon of my office. Stay in one piece til then, K?

Duchess

Don't ask me how "I feel love towards you" differs from "I love you". I know you want to ask but...don't.

Annie,
You're on vacation, and I really do miss you. Well, maybe not miss you, but I do worry a bit about you. I wonder how you're eating has been around your family. I really, really hope you are taking care of yourself. I hope the Wellbutrin has been helping, and that being in nature has helped you center yourself. I look forward to seeing you in a week or so.
T

Art,

I know you have a lot of feelings you are dealing with. I understand that. But I needed a break from you. You "say" that you love me, but then you exploded all that anger at me. You apologized, which I told you I appreciated. And you said you were okay with taking a break. Then your email sounded like you weren't. That's why I asked if you were in or if you were out, and if the longing was more interesting than the work. I guess you felt hurt by that. Well, good!! Now we're even, you miserable little manipulator. Go away. Don't call, don't email, don't write, just leave me the hell alone. I wash my hands of you.

T

p.s. I lied when I said my door would be open. It won't be, and you can count on that, missy. So seriously. Don't even bother in a month. I may even change my number before then. I hate you.

Thankfully I only got one client as demanding and draining as you can be!

Jo,
I've changed my mind & I have decided to adopt you after all. I too would love to spend my time with you & you will now officially be, my daughter.

What I wish for:

Dear Art:

I know you have a lot of feelings you are dealing with. I understand that. I appreciate that you apologized for what happened. I apologize for my part of it too. I am having trouble dealing with my own feelings about you leaving. I don't want you to leave, not because I"m being greedy, but because you do such incredible work and it is a gift for me to be a part of it and I selfishly want to be there to keep watching you grow. But it's your right to leave whenever you feel you need to. I'm not going to stop you this time like I apparently have in the past.

On top of that, there's other 'stuff' going on in my life and I apologize that I let it affect your therapy. I should not have let that happen. Sometimes I guess I forget that you are my client and I have responsibilities to you as such. Because I get so much out of working with you, too, more than you realize.

I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad, Art. Growth is a difficult and sometimes painful process. I have been so honored to have been a part of yours. I will remember you fondly.

Love,
T

( Did I really just write that?)

Don't do anything dumb while I'm away. Please.

t

Dear captgut
I'll be glad to see you on Friday
Please, tell me everything. Don't try to protect me. You won't offend me.
How are you? How did these three weeks go?