Dear Client

Dear ATAT,

Are you pleasant to be around? No, you're not pleasant to be around. But you've been hurt a lot.

DBC

(actual quote...)

Dear DBC,

And I'm the one who needs to get my **** together?! Read up on your Rogers, yo. And what's with the absolute statement? You need a DBT workbook or something?

Sincerely,

Argo's T.

S&G:

Seriously, you took that throw away 'slow and gentle' line to heart? WTF were you thinking! I just heard in in passing at the Bessel Van Der Kolk seminar, and it seemed like a nice way to end an email.

I tried it on on all 45 clients on my books that week, and you were the only one that even seemed to notice. So that was a fail. LOL!

It seems like you've taken quite a lot of what I said to heart: about how I would stand still for you, no matter what, and that you weren't too much. But really, that was all so 2016, wasn't it? And so much has changed since then - you clearly just can't keep up.

Oh well, plenty more fish in the therapeutic sea and all that: suggest you just take last week's advice and try some 'controlled dissociation'
when those pesky feelings of hurt, betrayal, abandonment and bewilderment come up. It's not good to be flooded with emotion.

Somebody who wasn't Bessel (he was the week before) suggested that one, and I think it's good advice. At least for this week. Controlled dissociation. Just cut yourself off from your feelings, grin and bear it. Or lay back and think of England, as they would say back in the day.

Fast and furious, S&G -it's my new email
sign off, and it's the only way to go!

Dear Mona,
I can't believe yo up and left, I have been checking my Phone like a maniac waiting for your text or call to say you made a mistake and wanted to come back but it never came. Perhaps in time you will see that this wasn't a toxic relationship it was actually healthy.

I told T about this thread and about how I wrote this just before he emailed me to say he was ill (but didn't cancel). He said it would have been pretty weird if I had written this then 10 minutes later he had cancelled.
I said if this thread had those kinds of powers, I would probably write something different. He asked what I would write, and I said I would think about it. Now I've thought about it:

"If I were your Dad, I wouldn't have let those things happen to you".

My T said something similar to me once. When I told my mom about my inappropriate relationship with my former T...all she basically said was "I suspected it" which threw me for a loop. My T said if he suspected his daughter was going through that, he would definitely say something. I can't wrap my head around why my mom didnt. Maybe she wasn't 100% sure, and it is a pretty crazy accusation. But that is very typical of my mom. She's not dumb, and she notices a lot more than she allows herself to comment on.

I think we may have the same mother.

Dear ATAT,

As the email etiquette rule of 72 hours has passed, I am obviously not going to reply. Despite your request for help, and help that, you are right, only I could give.

You're on your own, kid. Let the chips fall where they may.

No. 3

Dear skeksi,

If you would just let go and share your feelings, we could deal with the fallout. Then the next time you share it won't be so bad, and pretty soon it won't be awful at all.

I know you're really scared to do this, so I don't mind waiting. But if you pull the band-aid off you could get the healing started.

T

Dear E - just get some sleep, won't you. You'll feel much better. - Dr S

Dear LT,
Oh God, please stop sending me incredibly long e-mails. I know you had to get some stuff out, but, you're an editor, so can't you edit it down some?

Also, I have no idea how to respond to what you said. Except, maybe, do you understand my boundaries now? And why they're so important? Relaxed boundaries can seem good, until they're not. And seriously, MC once told you a story about this girl he hooked up with in grad school? Great, now I can't get that image out of my head...

OK, so, I'll try to figure out some way to respond to your e-mail. Will likely say something generic, like, "Got your e-mail--sounds like we'll have plenty to discuss next week." I know you'll want more than that, but that's probably all you'll get.

Love,
T

Dear InnerPeace,

I am rooting for you every step of the way. I know you can achieve your goals.

T

Dear DBC,

You still have 1,104 hours to contact the client, by my reckoning. It's fine; they don't mind waiting.

Best,

Argo's T

Oh, S&G or should it be SAG given how much weight you've stacked on as a side effect of those anti depressants....you're STILL hanging in there for me to respond? Wow. That's crazy!

Why on earth would you expect me to be my usual, promptly responsive self, when nothing about me is what it used to be? Don't you get it already? The T you hired has left the building and he's never coming back. I can't believe you've spent the past three months trying to turn me back into him again. Who does that?

Oh, wait - yeah, that's right, stupid, fragile people who wouldn't recognise a bad relationship if they fell over it, because they're so busy frantically trying to turn the other party into the caregiver they need.

Well here's news for you: I ain't that guy. Never was, never will be. Next question?

Oh, what happens next?

That's easy: I'm banking on you giving up and walking away any day now. You've got a ridiculously low threshold for therapeutic frustration, and it's working wonders for me. Just a day or two more, and you'll be emailing to tell me that you're quitting, there'll be no more pesky questions, and I can get on with something much more interesting.

THis is hard for you - really? Wow, there's some pathology right there. Maybe if you hadn't got so attached to Mr Perfect T, and had taken some notice of the signs, we wouldn't be having this tiresome dialogue now.

But since we are, here's how it'll go down:

You're a therapist breaker from way back, and it's so deeply ingrained in you, I won't even need to push you towards that line of thinking. You'll take both of us there all by yourself, and I can just quietly exit stage left and leave you angsting it out with some other poor bastard. God grant him strength.

MBM,

Please get over these billing issues. You're really freaking out. It's not the end of the world. Like I said, I get final say in what happens, so if there's a big issue on my biller's end, I'll have the authority to fix it. Breathe.

And WOW, where did that crisis come from?! I went away to vaca for a week for Christmas [Oh yes, you corrected me, 2.5 weeks] and come back and you're a complete wreck having disappeared into apathy, saying you never want to come to therapy again - and you're even talking about the "therapeutic relationship" in those words, casually? More than anything else, that shows just how much you lack feeling about therapy or this relationship right now.

Good heavens, your illness is one of the most difficult I treat. I have no idea what to do here with you telling me that during the 2.5 weeks you "severed our relationship". What? Who can do that with their mind, can in a moment choose to cut a relationship and have it actually work?

The things you ask me to do - to somehow fix this?

Yes, you're a challenge to treat, that's for sure.

JunkDNA,
Go away and leave me alone

Your T

I'm never going to tell you how I really feel about you.

When are you going to trust me and let me in? I don't want to hurt you, and I will never intentionally hurt you the way you have been. I am not perfect, and I will make mistakes, but I promise you I will do my best to make it right. I care about you. Please believe me when I say that.

Dear Mona
I really like working with you and I am not afraid of your attachment to me. It took guts to bring that up on our third session. I told you that I have been through this with my own therapist and I meant it, it's gets easier and with a good therapist to support you and hold you in it, things will soon begin to not seem as confusing.
New t

Dear ATAT,

I look forward to more sniping and sarcastic comments from you tomorrow.

DBC

Oh Art. You still don't get it, do you?! And I am not as patient as you seem to think I am, so c'mon. Stop being such a wimp, I know you are stronger than this. Just tell me with a little authority so that I can actually believe you.
-T

E,

Less caffeine tomorrow, please. Seriously. Wow.

T2

Dear ATAT,

Try and keep your pleasant mood going tomorrow, huh? It's much nicer to be trapped in a room for 45 minutes with you when you're not looking to flay me alive with words.

Besides, who else can I talk to about my mother?

DBC

Oh and Art, your nervous laugh is really getting old.