Couch 127: The Wayward Couch

Work was exhilarating and tiring at the same time today! How's that for weird. So far everybody around me has great attitudes about all the overtime. That helps. Yesterday we trained real quick-like on a new client and took those calls most of today. It has been really difficult learning this plan while we're in the process of taking the calls. Very frustrating and the members are NOT happy. But I am home again, eating lentils for dinner (yum!!) and having a glass of wine. Tomorrow I get to do it all over again, all 10 hours worth!

Pretty sure my t saw it.. But he has admitted video gamer and I am pretty sure it was a video game first.

Sorry...

I dream in color.

Eons ago I was detoxing off a umm..substance... and had vivid nightmares. My T at the time said that was a common side effect from detoxing off that substance.
Those nightmares were definitely in color.

OK, part of why I love my marriage counselor. He and T are moving offices (combining with the other half of their practice up the block). I'd sent him this long e-mail last night expressing stress about the move, whether things would feel different, etc. And he sent a very caring response, reassuring me that we'd find a way to make the new space "comfortable and safe."

So I responded to that e-mail this morning, thanking him for his response and saying it helped. I knew the office would be smaller, so I said I just had one important question--whether there would be room for "Jim," this animal floor pillow he has and uses for examples sometimes (not real name or animal in case it's identifying). He just wrote back, in all caps, saying just "OF COURSE!!"

That pair of e-mails shows both the caring and silly sides of him.

The only other explanation is that one of his sons made the movie choice.

Posted this on another thread...but I still think it's cool...

Eagle cam...watch parent eagles caring for one little eaglet. Two eggs laid, one hatched.
At night they use infrared lights/cameras so the eagles are not disturbed.

On FB, https://www.facebook.com/SouthwestFloridaEagleCam/

Same nest also here-
Eagle Cam - Live Feed

It was definitely a video game first. Fans I know are disappointed about the movie, apparently it wasn't well done

well couchies i'm heading for a hot bath and then bed. night! tapatalk is still acting stupid on my phone. i even removed it and re-downloaded it and updated it and everything and while i can log on now at least, half the time i can't pull up any threads. oh well. maybe soon.

I do, and have before I was on any SSRI.
OMG. DBC sounds completely looney. Why on EARTH would this be on her website? And how many tattoos she has? She certainly is a cuckoo bird.
lol. Also wrong that he tells you he goes commando...all the time? Even with jeans? The chafing I feel would be bothersome.

Velcro, probably best that you *not* feel his chafing.

Yeah...better to THINK about his chafing.

Or maybe una has that covered already...

I want to know how the fact that your t goes commando comes up in conversation?? My t and I have talked about a lot of weird things over the years, but never his choice or lack thereof of underwear!

Oh my!! Just got back in to see what you guys were up to. Commando? Oh dear! Now I have a mental image in my head of my counselor.

We haven't talked about that either. Thank goodness. I'm not quite sure what color my face would glow into at that topic.

I am trying to watch the Bachelor, but UGH, Nick. Blech.

I just emailed t.. It's been two months since my last email.. Was hoping to go longer! If I am ever going to be done with therapy I gotta learn to help myself!!

I hope it wasnt just to ask him "boxers or briefs?" It was something we did in the 1990's. I think somebody even asked pres bill clinton publicly, like barbra walters or somebody. Michael Jordan had a Hanes underwear ad with that tagline. So t and i were probably talking either politics or sports and the subject came up...?

No mention of underwear in my email!

A likely story...

Yeah, better than, "she wrote she wears depends on her website"!

Btw, i thought of you this afternoon - i had a pomegranate artctic zero with blueberries and english walnuts. I really felt like a throwback to 1988!

Dear T,

It's been seven weeks since I've seen you; five since I called and asked for an appointment. I don't need to see you, but I'd like to. I've always enjoyed being able to talk with you about what's going right and well. Would it be weird if I just wanted to come in and say "hi"?

Home and caught up on the couch. Stayed after I clocked out and shopped a little, I had rewards bucks and coupons to use. Bought some vitamins. Though now I am not so sure that was a wise decision with my other meds. Vitamin C I assume is okay and Calcium. But I haven't been sleeping well lately, so I also bought melatonin. That one I am wondering about now. I may not take it right away until, I can ask my pdoc or pharm manager if it would interact with my psych meds. I don't want to put myself into a coma or something. I may email pdoc after I am done here to ask...I'm not sure I want to remind pharm manager what meds I take (even though he has seen them come across his station to be verified after a fellow tech filled them). We have a floater pharmacist tomorrow night when I go in, so I don't feel comfortable asking whoever that is. We also have a new staff pharmacist who will be in on Thursday that I am not comfortable with yet. Pharm manager will not be back in until Friday. Even more reason to email pdoc. Though I do have former staff pharms cell number and could text her tomorrow. She is younger (my brothers age) than most pharmacists and I feel comfortable with her. When I was first put on the anxiety medication I asked her about it (she was still in our store then) and she didn't think much of it. I dunno.

It is almost midnight and I can't sleep...not even tired. Too much running through my mind. WOrk tonight kept the issues out of my mind, but they are back now in full force...I just need to stay busy. I have C tomorrow morning, but that is not high brainpower work, so I may be festering in my thoughts still and when I go back to school and am locked in the closet alone all day my thoughts can really fester. At least CVS keeps my mind active and off thoughts that I would rather not have even if I do have anxiety attacks there sometimes. The stress of my life. I wish I could just be normal...then again is there really a normal? My family is so dysfunctional, I don't know if it is possible to be normal. I'm bound to be an outcast for my entire life.

I wish I could just be a productive member of society. But, I am destined to be brushed aside, locked in small rooms, and let my mind get the best of me. I wish I could just fly away from all my problems like a bird flies away from danger. I wish I had an appointment with T before the 18th... Not that she is the best at this stuff. Old T was much better about helping my through tough things. She held my hand the whole way. In reality she probably let me rely on her too much and know I am with someone who wants me to take some ownership. But, I feel like a small helpless child and just want someone to pick me up and nurture me. I want that mother eagle to protect me. I want wings spread over me and shield me from danger and harm. I have no one to turn to for guidance. I am the lone soldier that has been left to fend for himself. I want to crawl into a hole and never come out. I want to have some sense of stabilization in my life. My landlord has told me she is worried about me because I work all the time and never rest. How can I explain to her that work is the only thing that keeps me going. If I were home more I would sink deeper into my dark thoughts and end up in a bad place. I want to get my own place again, but then I would be alone all the time. At least renting a room, I am able to interact with people a little even if we do all kind of keep to ourselves. I have no friends to interact with, so I am just me. I am afraid to form relationships with people...everyone in the past has always used me or hurt me. What makes people I meet now any different? I am destined to die an old lonely woman, no one will be there for my funeral...just like Eleanor Rigby. No one will miss me and I will just be another soul gone out of this world. Say I live till 80-something...that means I still have 50+ years to be a hermit and hide behind my pain. My mind is just festering with all these thoughts. I wish they would go away. I need to learn coping strategies...no medication in the world is going to solve all my issues. And I don't like taking medication so many people see it as a bad thing even though it has helped me with some of my issues.

I am alone in this world and have no one to look after me except me, myself, and I.

Well, I think I have brought the couch down enough. It's now almost 12:30 in the morning and I still am wide awake and don't feel like sleeping. Maybe it is time to email pdoc. He wouldn't get it until tomorrow morning and may or may not respond to it, but it may help to let someone who knows me in real life to get a sense of what I am going through.

So glad to see you back squirrel. I have similar fears of ending up alone. They are just thoughts not destiny.

Hi Squirrel! Could you phone a different pharmacy and ask that pharmacist your questions?

(((Squirrel))) Fwiw, you have all your mamas on the couch and on pc we are all here, trying to figure this out together.

Maybe look at it as, your school knows you are going to school, so they are trying to give you an easier workload? Getting your masters should open more doors in the long run.

Also, you can online check your meds for interactions. I have never heard of a problem with melatonin, only st johns wort. I occasionally take a chewable melatonin, i find it pretty mild.