Couch 127: The Wayward Couch

I hope you'll have a smooth trip and a great holiday, lolagrace!

Only if they are kittens... Good luck!

Oh! I first read that as 6 YEAR old twins, and ran out of the room two hours ago!!

Totally got pulled over in a speed trap about 1 minute after leaving marriage counseling today. I seriously didn't realize that road was only 30 mph. Cop was like "Were you coming from the hospital or college maybe?" (on same road). I was like, "No, marriage counseling." Wondering if that, plus car seat in back (meaning I have young kid), plus the fact that I haven't had any violations recently, and maybe my politeness helped sway his decision to give me a warning instead of a ticket? Said he put me down at 41 mph, but "We both know you were going faster than that." I was thinking, "Was I?" But just said "Yes, sorry, officer."

I think I'm just amazed I got a warning because even for my first time being pulled over, like 15 years ago, I got an actual ticket. Probably because I was incredulous that "following too closely" when I was like more than a car length behind and in rush hour traffic, so going below speed limit, was actually ticket-worthy.

Pretty sure I would have definitely gotten just a warning last week if I got pulled over after MC last week, since I was sobbing hysterically then. Wasn't crying this time, but maybe just looked upset/stressed? Whatever the reason, phew! (And now I have to be extra careful the next month or so...)

Work trial day 1 went very well. Just 2 more days to bring my A game and hopefully it's in the bag.

Crap, in my incredibly on-edge state I just took a Lunesta instead of a Xanax.

Please don't operate any heavy machinery for the rest of the evening.

(((((@@))))) be safe!

Say goodnight, Tick!

I'm hoping to make it another half hour, by which time my mother will have left for the symphony and I can just crash and she'll be none the wiser.

Total thyroidectomy 3/16. Can't take levothyroxine as a thyroid hormone replacement due to debilitating side effects. Am on a slowly increased dose of Armour thyroid. Endo added extra calcium and extra magnesium.

I am an emotionally wrung out mess, my muscles feel weak, my joints hurt.
I don't know if the symptoms are from my thyroid level belong low ...or are side effects from Armour thyroid.

I have been through a string of catastrophes.
I can't "go" anymore.

I'm just gonna sit in my chair and vegetate.

((( hug )))

There are natural hormone replacements. Could that be an option?

Essential oils have helped me in many ways. I'm not sure how you feel about homeopathic treatment options. Clove is helpful with general thyroid dysfunction. There are other oils recommended for hypo or hypo issues. Myrrh supports the thyroid. Some people aren't open to that, but I wanted to share that with you.

I was looking for some way to be encouraging for you.

hey couch! home from an emotional session with t. she didn't quite agree with my being so black and white about she and I not being friends. I was very surprised by her thoughts in that regard. But I stuck to my guns that I needed to come to that realization within myself, that she and I are not friends, we are something else. Something unique unto the therapeutic relationship. I told her I have to be black and white about it otherwise I struggle too much with wanting more. She asked me what that looks like, what the fantasy is. I didn't know. But I figured it out on the way home. I want to mean as much to her as she does to me. Like a lot of us here probably feel. So we'll talk about that next week. I read her what I had written to her as a christmas gift, a short little thank you and why I'm thanking you kinda thing. She got a little teary-eyed. I was glad she closed her eyes while I read, otherwise if I'd seen her watching me read, I'd have been bawling! Oh yeah also I did a sand tray. It made me feel really happy standing back and looking at it with her, wish I'd taken a picture of it. But she did. At some point I'm supposed to get copies of them all. I told her it's just amazing to me how when you don't even know you're going to do a sand tray, and then you do, and without even thinking about it, it so very much reflects how you feel on the inside. I love it.

ETA: I just emailed t with the above answer to her earlier question. I am now having second thoughts and so finishing the bottle of wine I opened was it last night? or the night before I forgot.

Mom is visiting and admitted she was depressed. This is alarming mostly because she is always so proud and I can't remember her ever admitting to feeling low I emailed Kashi to see what he thought about seeing my mom just once to give her ideas/hope of what she can do when she reruns home. What her treatment options could be. Her primary care doc is giving her meds alone. Ugh. What to do.

((( hugs )))

I also gave my counselor a Christmas gift of a Heartfelt Thanks that I read to him from my journal. I was not brave enough to look at him as I read it, but he makes these reaffirming hum kind of sounds as I read something that is affirming to him. To me that is like a smile if I was looking.

I get the black and white in a way. There are parts of me that work like that and I'm just an audience. . That's was a bit revealing.

Enjoy your wine. It is a festive holiday season.

I couldn't believe I was even brave enough to read it out loud, let alone LOOK at her while doing so to see that she had her eyes closed... I believe it was worthy of several Ack's a la stopdog....

I feel your heart. My mom also struggles with depression. My heart if for her to have relief from it. She will not see it as I do. Seeking help is what I mean.

I hope that you can help your mom find an answer.

I agree!! You were very brave and I high five you.

Stopdog would definitely have a "good lord" for that.

But hey, didn't it feel good?

It did feel really good.

The bravery that this must take! I know you have a long and good relationship with your T...but still.

As an example, I copied part of a quote on attachment that I felt was relevant to me that I wanted to share with my T. But since it talked of gross things like feelings and vulnerabilities, I couldn't do it, so she offered to read it.

She then proceeded to start reading out loud and I shouted at her (i think i surprised her as i am normally very even-keeled) NO, DON'T READ IT OUT LOUD!

haha.

It felt good for me too!

I knew I couldn't give him a material gift and it was great to share my thanks and heart, like you, with him.

Still sorting out the black and white issue you mentioned before.

Thank you for saying that. It's on the back burner.

I really want to be sleeping right now!!

Yay for all of the success stories.

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate, Happy new year to those who use the Gregorian calendar, and cordial hat tip to the rest of you.

You mean...there are other Julians like me out there?

<< tears of relief

Oh crocus I meant to say I am my T first appoinment for the new year on the 9th.