Couch 127: The Wayward Couch

Can I join the un-sleepers? There is just so much tension and restlessness my body is actually really tired but keeps moving around randomly and I relaxed enough to drift off but all the jerking woke me up.

I've a "lazy eye" too. I liked your photo.

that's what it's called!! I always forget (probably because I hate it so much). I used to get teased so much for it when I was younger. Even as a young adult when I worked at camp, the kids and even other staffers would always be like "Who are you looking at?" when I would look at them while talking. At least no one says anything about it anymore as I've gotten older. Adult-adults are kinder I think...

And thank you!

Yup, I would get teased by kids and scolded by adults. I think the medical term is strabimus and there's been studies on how people with it tend to increased social anxiety due to people being ****** about it. *hugs*

i was nervous! but knew it would be ok. thanks for sharing that last part - I've done that before too, given her something on paper because i couldn't say it and i'd meant for her to read it to herself, but she started to read it out loud and i shouted at her to stop too! it is rather funny to hear your own voice that loud in such a quiet space....

oh yeah.... i do remember hearing that medical term before. i'd never read any of the studies, but i think i'll look for some. yes, i remember the scolding by certain teachers in school (not many thankfully) because they thought I was doing it on purpose somehow to be disrespectful.

Thinking more about the sand tray I did in therapy yesterday evening... wish I'd taken a picture of it myself. oh well, maybe i'll try to draw it while it's still fresh in my mind. after i finished she asked if i wanted to name it (because usually i do name them) i thought about it for a second and then said well i would need a different language to name this one because no english words work. it almost had an other-worldly kind of feel to it now that i think about it again. maybe that's what i should name it, after all - "otherworld". hmm.

ok that's enough out of me this morning, i gotta get on the road to work! have a good morning couchies. i'll check in probably at lunch or so.....

im a failure at life and therapy.

What happen granite? You're not a failure. I know you can't believe it when triggered...that's cptsd...however it is true that you're not a failure in any of our eyes, nor in your therapist's eyes. *hugs*

Granite...it's true..what Quiet Mind said. Your not a failure. When I am not actively posting here, I am lurking. I smile at the growth and how far you've come since I met you on couch number 1. In my eyes you are not a failure. If anything, your very very brave. All that you endured and your still going. You still show up to those sessions. Your brave.

In fact, you are all brave. All of you. Even when you are feeling at your worst, you all still get up and go. You all still take care of things you need to take care of. Weather it be yourself, your job, your significant other, your children, or anything else. You guys still get up and do it because you have to. That's bravery. Facing this world everyday is bravery.

jersey

Wasnt that a famous line from a hit movie in the 70's?

"Yo, Julian!"

Well here's a silly thing to be trying to work out. Perhaps sharing it with you guys will make me feel a little less silly (or more so, who knows.)
T wrote me a little note at my request for Christmas. He signed it with his name and an underline type thing which also looks a bit like an x (kiss). I know I'm analysing this to death, but does anyone have any thoughts as to whether this is a kiss or not? I have covered his name with a hat

Have you got any other signatures of his to compare with? Because often underlines for signatures have some little quirk like that (like John Hancock worked an H into his).

No unfortunately. He had written his name into a book I borrowed once, but no underlining...

I'd go a lot more Freudian than just a kiss. But my t says im twisted that way maybe hes just being festive for the holidays, like he signed all their xmas cards that way.

Don't you know that a kiss is just a kiss? I think that's a famous line from a hit movie from the 1930s.

Echos...why not just take it as it seems to you?

I hadn't thought of it that way! Thanks for the chuckle.
This wasn't an Xmas card though. And he knows I completely dissect every communication from him :P

I find it impossible not to over-analyse every communication from him. He knows this. I guess I should just be more laid back about it...

That's deep.

(Seriously, no puns intended)

I don't suppose one of his names is Xavier. Or Xanthippus. Or Xander. Or Xerxes?

Or maybe he is professing his love of the xylophone?

(Trying to make you smile here.)

You are succeeding. My money is on xenon.

I saw a rapier!

In other news, I just got an early Christmas present from H: he had found a first edition of one of my very favourite books. It's beautiful. He's a good guy, he is.