So, being apart has meaning after all

I will finally see T on Tuesday. I wish it were a 3 hour session, LOL. I am depressed and it is because and not because of the break of the past 3 weeks. The reunion (via the telephone yesterday) has been as difficult as the separation. I'm sure the reunion in person will be extremely emotional and charged.

I now see the benefit of the vacation break. The separation has allowed me to experience something from my childhood that I would not have been able to get in touch with if T had not gone on vacation. I was extremely neglected as a little girl and I used to lay in bed night after night anxious with no comfort, often wetting the bed. Not only was I not encouraged to express my needs, I never even knew what that means. No context, no concept of what being needy means or being worthy of consideration.

Like I said before, therapy is so hard.

Therapy sure is hard sister,I agree...one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do.
All the best

Therapy IS hard. It is SO hard.

Take care and I wish you the best.

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sister said:
I now see the benefit of the vacation break.

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You do? Please... let me in on the secret!

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The separation has allowed me to experience something from my childhood that I would not have been able to get in touch with if T had not gone on vacation. I was extremely neglected as a little girl and I used to lay in bed night after night anxious with no comfort, often wetting the bed. Not only was I not encouraged to express my needs, I never even knew what that means. No context, no concept of what being needy means or being worthy of consideration.

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Ohhhhh. So that's what it's supposed to do. Hmmm. I still have to think a great deal about what the break has meant to me. I think that's awesome that you have come this far to be able to get the value out of the separation. You should be proud of yourself.

You're on the right track sister! You have identified a very significant insight.

What a realization, sister. It is so very mature of you to extract some value out of this difficult experience. Good luck for Tuesday. (((hugs)))

Well, Sunny and all, it is like your posting on whether you would tell your T you love him. If we can identify those feelings we have for T or what we experience in or through the relationship, then we can get closer to our true selves and what we experienced as children and what we are capable of as adults. (or something like that).

Of course, meaning or not, I am still mortified bout the phone conversation yesterday and am fully prepared for him to reject me on Tuesday and the need for me to hold my head high as I take it!

Oh goodness.

(((sister))) Even my T reminds me regularly that therapy is hard work. Sometimes after a session she'll say something like, whew I'm exhausted, it feels like we've been doing work, it feels like therapy. She's pointed out to me that some of my experiences have allowed me to reexperience pains from my past so I can deal with them and that it will happen again (ack!) each time becoming easier to deal with, but may never go completely away - just become something I can deal with.

Wishing you well on Tuesday.