[objectclient]

Ok, so...I don't even know where to start with this I'm that angry, nor do I know whether anger is a "normal" or appropriate response to this situation, or whether I'm just blowing things out of proportion here.

Basically, I have been emailing potential new T's receptionists to inquire about the waiting list and update my availability. They also happen to be old T's receptionists as they(the Ts) work in the same practice/clinic/center/whatever you call it. We have emailed back and fourth a couple of times now in order to make arrangements. However, on receiving an email today, I realized that the emails I had been receiving were not coming directly from the reception email but from: "[insert old T's name and email address] on behalf of [insert receptionist's name and email address]." However, the messages were signed off as being from one of the receptionist, and on one occasion, the other. In each of the emails, I noticed something that also seemed odd. The spelling errors in each were identical, the use of language was the same and the strange grammatical errors too. Not only that, I recognize all these peculiarities all too well from the emails I exchanged for over a year with old T. On phoning the center, I found out the receptionist I had been emailing today is on holiday. Old T has been emailing me in the guise of a receptionist! WT actual F!?

Why might she do this? Well, I've tried to be rational and I guess that she's just covering the receptionist while she's away, which is a reasonable course of action for her to take. But why, why, why pretend to be the receptionist? That's what's making me angry. I wouldn't have minded if she had emailed as herself on behalf of the receptionist but having pretended to be someone else when I know full well it's her...does she think I'm so stupid I wouldn't notice? If nothing else, her name and email being in the address kind of gives it away! Not only am I questioning my intelligence here but all sorts of questions have been triggered by this situation e.g. Was I such a bad client? Does she think I can't be trusted? Why is she trying to deceive me?

I have no idea how to respond to the final email. I mean, am I to just carry on pretending that I think it's the receptionist I'm emailing and insult my own intelligence? What do I do?

[atisketatasket]

Is there no limit to the weird things therapists do? Sheesh.

I would address her by name with Dear X in your next email, and keep doing it. Point made.

(I am assuming she is more clueless than malicious, but I don't know your story.)

[stopdog]

Could you use a different clinic or group of therapists?

[doogie]

EEK. I don't know. Yes, I think I would be angry without knowing the 'Why' behind it. If you understood the why, it might make more sense....but yes, I would be angry not knowing why.

As to responding, I don't know how I would do it. Part of me would want to be really passive aggressive and not say anything other than to address my response "Dear (old T)" just so that she would know that I knew who it really was, but that probably isn't the healthiest thing. I guess I would just respond normally, as if I didn't know. I think I would definitely talk to the 'real' receptionist at some point and clarify what in the world is going on.

So sorry. This would not make me happy, either.

Doogie

[here today]

How was the emailing about the arrangements going otherwise? Satisfactory or did she appear to be stalling things?

If you are certain, I think I would just tell her straight that it's okay to communicate in an administrative way but I would prefer a direct approach and not behave as though we did not know each-other. Other than this, I would definitely prefer a different clinic and would feel uneasy that my communications might run into the old T in the future.

She could be emailing from her receptionist's email account since it is a business matter. That might just be the way her office keeps business emails separate from more private email correspondence. By having on the more business account it may be filed differently.

[objectclient]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Is there no limit to the weird things therapists do? Sheesh.

I would address her by name with Dear X in your next email, and keep doing it. Point made.

(I am assuming she is more clueless than malicious, but I don't know your story.)

That was my instinctive response, to head to email with Dear Old T or put the receptionist's name in quotation marks or follow it by a question mark but the more I thought about it, the more I realized it could probably land me in more bother than it's worth.

I don't think it was malicious since the emailing has been helpful overall. Clueless that I could guess it was her? Probably, but I don't understand her motive for pretending to be the receptionist other than it being a reflection that she is avoiding any further contact with me, she doesn't trust me to respect her boundaries or she doesn't want to provoke any response/reaction from me for both her sake and mine.

I have to say that the initial email I received, before I even realized it was from her, made me feel angry in the way a child would, like I wanted to throw a tantrum. This is odd because it was part of our dynamic throughout therapy.

Originally Posted by stopdog

Could you use a different clinic or group of therapists?

Yes and no. My options are limited to three, one of which I am still waiting on and is a trek into a scary area of town on foot which I'd rather avoid. The other has a waiting list of over a year and I have already lost many years of my life to mental illness. Therefore, I made up my mind to go with this center and if the worst comes to the worst and I find the possibility of bumping into old T too difficult, I can always leave and continue waiting on the other two.

Originally Posted by doogie

EEK. I don't know. Yes, I think I would be angry without knowing the 'Why' behind it. If you understood the why, it might make more sense....but yes, I would be angry not knowing why.

As to responding, I don't know how I would do it. Part of me would want to be really passive aggressive and not say anything other than to address my response "Dear (old T)" just so that she would know that I knew who it really was, but that probably isn't the healthiest thing. I guess I would just respond normally, as if I didn't know. I think I would definitely talk to the 'real' receptionist at some point and clarify what in the world is going on.

So sorry. This would not make me happy, either.

Doogie

I agree that responding with "Dear (old T)" probably isn't the healthiest way of addressing the situation, even though it was my instinctive response.

Responding normally as if I didn't know is probably the most sensible option but it kind of makes me feel crushed as a person, like my feelings about this "situation" don't matter, as long as old T feels righteous and safe(?).

Originally Posted by here today

How was the emailing about the arrangements going otherwise? Satisfactory or did she appear to be stalling things?

Apart from the initial email, the emailing was going fine. My queries were answered and I was not being held up.

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

If you are certain, I think I would just tell her straight that it's okay to communicate in an administrative way but I would prefer a direct approach and not behave as though we did not know each-other. Other than this, I would definitely prefer a different clinic and would feel uneasy that my communications might run into the old T in the future.

I like this idea and as I said above, I always have the option of another center if this one goes awry.

Thanks to all for responding. Any more thoughts and ideas are welcome.

[thesnowqueen]

I actually like your idea of address. You could do it 'Dear Secretary-name / Old-T name ?' I think that is just a request for clarification and is totally in your rights. I WOULDN'T pretend you haven't noticed anything because you are denying yourself something you are entitled to - that is - knowing WHO you are corresponding with. And having the other person know that you know.

My sense is that she didn't tell you it was her that was communicating simply in order to avoid complicating the situation. It would have been more ethical for her to have just clarified with a brief note, but lots of people try take shortcuts.

[Trippin2.0]

Sometimes when my boss is working from my supervisor's computer he doesn't bother to change the signature and just allows people assume its her emailing them. Mostly because hes the director and shouldn't be handling that stuff anyway...

Could your Old T perhaps just be too lazy to edit the signature or not know how to, since its embedded on the email?

[kecanoe]

On one of my email accounts, I have an automatic signature. I wonder if old-t thought she was being straight with you b/c the email does say from ex-t on behalf of ... It would make sense that she is replying b/c the receptionist is out. She may not know that the automatic signature is there, or how to change it. Since the "from" has her name in it, I don't think I would interpret this as her being sneaky. But sneaky or not, I would prefer old t not be in the process at all. I would switch to setting appointments by phone.

[objectclient]

So I replied to the email today addressing it to the receptionist and old T. I also mentioned I wasn't sure who I was communicating with due to the message being from X on behalf of ____ and said that it was ok whoever I am speaking to but I would prefer to be honest about it. I felt so much better for doing this rather than just letting it go. However, I received a quick response saying that it was a technical issue and I'm not sure I wholly believe it. It seems to me yet another example of how Ts always come out on top while the client is always the one at fault. I will definitely be extra cautious than ever with Ts in future.

[Trippin2.0]

I'm a bit confused...

Does the "technical issue" mean it was the receptionist who somehow used Old T's email addy or the Old T accidentally using the receptionist's?

[objectclient]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I'm a bit confused...

Does the "technical issue" mean it was the receptionist who somehow used Old T's email addy or the Old T accidentally using the receptionist's?

Sorry, yeah, it was the receptionist who somehow used old T's email.

[MBM17]

Originally Posted by objectclient

Sorry, yeah, it was the receptionist who somehow used old T's email.

But with the same grammatical and spelling errors of your last therapist?

[objectclient]

Originally Posted by MBM17

But with the same grammatical and spelling errors of your last therapist?

Yes, exactly