Well in therapy today we talked about...or I did about not being able to open up fully and regreting things I didn't talk about. Then when I e-mail her the past 2 tiimes she didnt reply but said in session (a few days later) that she felt it best to wait for therapy...but what I haven't told her is I feel she doesn't care if she hasn't replied...a million things go in my head if she doesnt reply soon..then I cry...and..I cry..I pretend thoughts in my head of her saying "he's a good person for e-mailing"...or "I better reply he's my friend".......DAMN IT!!! Why do I do this....I need my T...I need a friend.............I have so many..........but why don't I feel a relief............................why...........................whats my purpose...whats my role

[drummergrl]

Hey Dustin:
I really think you're starting to make too much of her not replying to you quickly. Usually they don't reply until after their day is done. That's the same with medical doctors.
After 5 is common for most to do call backs and emails. How was that discussed when you first met her? Does she care if you email her before your sessions? It sounds
to me like she wants you to save your thoughts for the next
session so she can see your facial and body expressions.
They think they can tell alot about how you're feeling by watching your body movements and the looks on your face.
They draw conclusions from those things and decide how'
often you need to come in. Obviously you are a twice weekly client and need more one on one therapy than your
average patient. Dustin, if you think she's YOUR friend......re
think that to save yourself. She works for your parents, basically, to help you deal with the problems of depression.
Sure, she might like you as a person, but nothing more than that. If you take it the next step further, I think you will be in for a big surprise. They do NOT get personally involved with their clients. You also, are a minor and that's an offense against the state. She has a fine gray line she
may NEVER cross. I'm not saying you want to jump her bones, so to speak, but it sounds to me that you're putting
too much emphasis on the relationship personally. I do not want you to be hurt if you don't get the response you want!!! Pls. be careful. You can still trust her and rely on her, but it's a TEMPORARY thing. She won't always be in
your life. That's not how it works.
I hope I haven't given you anything too negative to go on, but I don't want you to hurt yourself either. She's just a therapist...........they don't "fall" in love with their clients.

Take care.
drmr

[WinterRose]

My T keeps reiterating to me how she won't always respond to emails - she feels that if she makes that a rule, then she could end up resenting it later. This would harm me and our relationship. Although today she said that she had neglected bringing them into session and that we needed to start doing that. She also prefers that I contain things in session so we can work through them better instead of acting out the way I do with email. Try not to worry about the email. And do bring the need for your T into the next session if you can. It sounds like an important issue to deal with right now. (And you're not bad for feeling needy towards your T. A lot of us have gone through and continue to go through that scenario. drummergrl is right though - she is a T not a friend and the relationship is a professional one, though of a different sort than you'll experience anywhere else.)

Hang in there.

[drummergrl]

Hi Winterrose!!
Thank you for backing me with Dustin. I am getting a bit concerned that he's focusing too much on his T as a person than as someone who's trying to help him separate
his feelings. I went thru this many years ago, and with only
one T myself, but she and I spent the better part of my late
20's and early 30's together intermittenly thru those years.
If you don't love someone by then, it's not going to happen.
She told me up front though, that we'd NEVER have a friendship.........that this was a "working" relationship and that there would come a time when I wouldn't need her anymore. At first I was crushed to think I was caring for someone that wasn't going to reciprocate to me. I was hurt
but didn't understand back then, what our professional link
would be. I guess I was hoping, like Dustin, that she might
tell me she loved me and said she would be there any time
I needed her. After that I had to sort of nurture myself for a while and then went back to her and things were fine from there on.
I thought about going back to her, but it would be a long drive into San Diego, and I figured the traffic wouldn't be worth the stress. I chose someone I had taken my own daughter to and went to see her. We have been working to manage my bi-polar disorder since last Dec. It's been great. I do not pull the same kinds of things on her tht I pulled on my other T, as I'm in a different place now.

I want Dustin to be aware of the dangers ahead if he keeps
thinking that this is going to turn into "real" love. It's not. I promised him that. I do not want him getting hurt, or hurting
himself by thinking that that could happen.

Anyway, thanks for the vote of trust. I hope he understands
I'm just trying to show him another venue to go....that's a one way street he's thinking about taking!!!

[smiley1984]

I agree with everything that has already been said.
It sounds like you are reading way to much into this relationship.
Your T is a professional who is there to help you with your problems, that is all. It is their job to be nice and friendly and to develop your trust so they can help you BUT you are a client in their work life, they have hundreds of others and although they have a genuine wish to alleviate your suffering, their relationship must be professional, independent and objective otherwise they will not be able to help you.

Maybe you should set up some boundaries about replying to emails; if you are constantly emailing her, what do you expect her to do about your emails? and what can she do in between appointments? if you are in danger she can get someone to take you to hospital but other than that what can she really do?
It is good if you can use emails to communicate things that are important to you that you might not be able to say, many people find it easier to write something down to give to their T rather than say it, so T knows about things but this is just a form of communication and she is right to save it for the next session.

I am worried about you Dustin, you sound obsessed with T, thinking constantly about the next time you get to see T and this is dangerous, I hope you don't progress to become a stalker.
You and your life are so much more than just seeing T - I can see you getting extremely hurt and just want you to be careful and keep check of your feelings.

I hope things start getting better soon, but you are clearly in a lot of pain

Hey...

With the exception of one T,,, none of mine allowed e-mails from their clients...the one that did.. only on a very limited basis...
Also.. unless in extreme crisis.. no phone calls either.. and the crisis had better be a "good" one..

The above is pretty much the "norm" where I live...

Have you tried.. journeling.. "pretending" that you are talking to a T... or a best friend... sometimes.. that is all we are seeking.. an outlet... for outlet for emotions... and the e-mail is perhaps serving that purpose...

Feeling "dependent" on a T, can feel scary... and that is why learning to journel... gives you more "control".. over contact...or rather lack of contact back...

Hey. I email my therapist between sessions. I tell him some of the stuff that I couldn't say to him in the session. I tell him some of the stuff I was too embarrassed to say. I answer questions that he asked me in session. Couldn't think what to say in session but managed to sort out an answer in between. I tell him some of my thoughts about the session sometimes.

Different therapists have different opinions about email.

Some therapists don't email clients. They may or they may not accept emails from clients but they don't email clients. I've had therapists who wouldn't give me an email address. I've had therapists who would accept emails from me but they would never respond to me by email. They would wait until my next session to discuss the email with me.

Some therapists do email but they send brief responses like 'thanks for your email we should talk about this in our next session. Some therapists will email proper responses.

It sounds to me that your therapist doesn't mind you emailing her but she has a policy that she won't email you back but she will talk to you in the next session about your email. I think that you should tell her that it feels awfully funny not to get a response from her. She might agree to send you a 'thanks for your email' acknowledgement of receipt - or she might not. I don't think that there is anything wrong with you feeling disapointed that you haven't heard a response, however.

When I send emails... I feel like I am sending him a little bit of my heart. Disclosing very intimate fears and the like that I'm very sensitive about. And then I wait... And I worry. Will he think I'm a freak? Is he freaking out? It can be really hard waiting... And waiting... And waiting...

If it is any consolation the waiting gets better over time as you see that she responds well and with kindness invariably. Takes some time though. Hang in there.

[skittles]

well i think that she does care cause she discusses with u what u sent to her in email in session.... if she didnt care what u write her she wouldnt even bring it up..... she would just with something else,.... it sounds to me that u have a good t and IMO shouldnt get all freaked out cause she doesnt email u back.. cause like u said she discusses in session with u....

[lauren_helene]

Okay, I'm an auditor so here is some crazy logic, maybe it will help you feel better.

My T sees 15 people per day (I'm assuming a different one each time but some people come twice per week and I can't estimate that).

Let's assume that 15 different people each day decide to send one email. That would be 75 emails for him to return by the end of the week (based on a five day work week).

Or, we can try assuming that half of those 15 would send one email per day (7 people) that would be 35 by the end of the week.

Now, this doesn't take into account any phone calls he needs to return or other professionals emailing him.

Could you imagine replying to all of these emails? Then there would be responses and replies, responses and replies...giggle.

When I started thinking about it like this, it made sense to me. But hey, I'm an auditor...

[skittles]

[drummergrl]

See dustin??? YOu're making yourself CRAZY over this stuff. Do yourself a favor and go find some buddies to hang out with, and forget the T for a while. You look forward
to seeing her every chance you get.....and while that's a good effort on your part, it's slowly becoming worrisome for you. You get hurt if she doesn't respond fast enough for you. I think you're in for a big disappointment by thinking like that.

She's NOT a girlfriend, nor will she be, .........EVER!!! Spend
some time exploring YOU.....you may be surprised to find that you are much better than you think. I realize you are very young and impressionalbe, and a 17 hormonal factory,
but she's not going to be your victory!!!

Is she PRETTY, Dustin, and young???? YOu could always
go find an "ugie" then you won't want to go so soon!!!! hahahhahahaha...................just a little sick humor to lighten
your load!!!!!!!!!!!!

[stefano]

Man, a therapist is not a friend... he's a professional who provides expertise, but a friend is soething different. You can't expect to "buy" a friend that way. Sorry but it is the case.
Personally, I never email or call my T between sessions. If necessary, I call to schedule an extra session, in times when I'm not going weekly already.
At a certain time it happened to me to elave the place and realize I had missed some important subject. I just wrote id down for the next week, and then I would just focus better my attention during the session. Sorry, but that is how psychotherapy works.

Thanks for your kind reposonses. Sorry I was not thinking. Didnt mean to appear blank.

i don't think that there is anything wrong with emailing or feeling hurt / upset / panicky / sad that your therapist hasn't responded.

i do think that you should try and talk to your therapist about how you feel, though.

that doesn't mean that she will email you... but those feelings (rejection? abandonment? neglect?) are coming from somewhere. and... isn't feeling those feelings and talking about those feelings and processing those feelings with your therapist just what therapy is supposed to be about?

sounds like progress that you feel that way to me...