Does anyone else ever hate their therapist and feel like they don't care? If so have you told them? And if so did they terminate/abandon you?

If i did feel that way I would tell him, but I know for a fact he would try to understand why and work through it. Is that the sense you have of your therapist? Can you see a way you could work through this and gain something therapeutically? If not it might be worth looking elsewhere for therapy.

[itjustis]

Yes I've been there. Hated her so much and felt like she didn't care.
I told her so via text in a fit of rage...also told her I never wanted to see her again.

I did see her again (the following week as normal)! we talked about it, I apologised, then we went from there with all of my maternal feelings etc.
She didn't terminate/abandon me. She handled it very gently and in a calm and caring manner. She understood and could empathise with me.

She was such a great T.

My T is currently away for 8 weeks although I still have contact with her but not therapy as such .. I'm struggling with it all and something happened Friday and I messaged her as I knew she would understand but she changed the subject which made me feel like she doesn't care anymore

Originally Posted by itjustis

Yes I've been there. Hated her so much and felt like she didn't care.
I told her so via text in a fit of rage...also told her I never wanted to see her again.

I did see her again (the following week as normal)! we talked about it, I apologised, then we went from there with all of my maternal feelings etc.
She didn't terminate/abandon me. She handled it very gently and in a calm and caring manner. She understood and could empathise with me.

She was such a great T.

Thank you. I'm glad you got to see your T again and that she handled it well and didn't abandon you. The thing is I've got another 5 weeks until I see her again and although she calls me for about 15-20 mins on a Monday evening whilst she is away I don't want to speak to her tomorrow because I hate her right now

[lucozader]

Can you confirm with her under what circumstances she might terminate you? I feel it's very unlikely she would do so because you expressed negative feelings towards her - it's normal for a client to have those feelings, and they can be worked with.

I asked my T before I got into discussing my feelings about him to tell me if it was possible that he'd leave me - he said he won't leave me unless he dies, or is otherwise incapacitated. That seems a bit too good to be true to me, but it does help me to feel okay with expressing myself towards him.

Though I haven't said I 'hate' him, I have expressed very angry feelings towards him. There's definitely been no sign of him 'terminating' me because of it...

[feileacan]

I have lots of unexpressed, suppressed, dissociated anger in me. I think my T would be very happy if I would be able to declare openly that I hate him ....

Originally Posted by feileacan

I have lots of unexpressed, suppressed, dissociated anger in me. I think my T would be very happy if I would be able to declare openly that I hate him ....

Do you mind me asking why you think he would be happy if you told him you hated him?

[feileacan]

Originally Posted by SS1971

Do you mind me asking why you think he would be happy if you told him you hated him?

I absolutely don't mind. My T is psychoanalytic, which means that we work in the transference. I behave often in ways as I would hate him but I don't *feel* it. So any time he suggests that I hate him I snap back that I don't (because I don't feel the hatred or I don't recognise it or whatever). Anyway, the day I would be able to feel it so that I could openly say it to him would mean that I've obtained much better contact with my feelings or dissociated parts in myself and that would be a huge progress.

Been there. I hated her just this past Friday night and into yesterday. I don't anymore, I wrote through my feelings on here and also in a poem and what I feel I realize is hurt by something she said Friday. The hate was my 0-1000 mph (typical) over-reaction. I haven't told her yet that I was hating her for awhile, I will though next time I see her. We will talk through this just like we have the other times when I have been angry with her. I did email her the poem though that expresses the hurt. Don't know if she's seen it yet, trying not to expect a response from it. Every time I have trouble telling her I'm angry or have been angry she always says that no matter what happens there, we will work through it. I should believe that by now, as we always have, but I'm also struggling with the need to end our 'relationship' (i put that iin quotes because it's such a convoluted thing) so every feeling and emotion from therapy always goes through that filter first and I don't know how to trust myself. Oops. I got carried away. Sorry.

Originally Posted by feileacan

I absolutely don't mind. My T is psychoanalytic, which means that we work in the transference. I behave often in ways as I would hate him but I don't *feel* it. So any time he suggests that I hate him I snap back that I don't (because I don't feel the hatred or I don't recognise it or whatever). Anyway, the day I would be able to feel it so that I could openly say it to him would mean that I've obtained much better contact with my feelings or dissociated parts in myself and that would be a huge progress.

That makes sense .. thank you .. before my T went away she asked me if I was angry with her because she is going away for so long .. I said no because I didn't feel angry .. and I totally understand her reasons and still do ..
But now I feel like I hate her as I'm struggling

Originally Posted by artemis-within

Been there. I hated her just this past Friday night and into yesterday. I don't anymore, I wrote through my feelings on here and also in a poem and what I feel I realize is hurt by something she said Friday. The hate was my 0-1000 mph (typical) over-reaction. I haven't told her yet that I was hating her for awhile, I will though next time I see her. We will talk through this just like we have the other times when I have been angry with her. I did email her the poem though that expresses the hurt. Don't know if she's seen it yet, trying not to expect a response from it. Every time I have trouble telling her I'm angry or have been angry she always says that no matter what happens there, we will work through it. I should believe that by now, as we always have, but I'm also struggling with the need to end our 'relationship' (i put that iin quotes because it's such a convoluted thing) so every feeling and emotion from therapy always goes through that filter first and I don't know how to trust myself. Oops. I got carried away. Sorry.

That's good that you sent her a poem about how you feel .. do you feel the need to end the relationship as you don't need counselling anymore? I've never had a rupture with my T (have only been in counselling for 6 months) and I don't see her again for just over 5 weeks so I'm kind of worried about what may happen if I tell her how I feel whilst she is away

[satsuma]

Oh yes. I've had those thoughts and feelings, and I've shared them quite forcefully with my T!
It wasn't nice, for either of us. He is quite "real" with me, and he met me know also when he has been frustrated by me, or when he found what I said hurtful.
We worked through it in the end. Therapy has been very healing for me overall, but it wasn't always easy.

I'm kind of thinking that telling her wasn't the right thing to do now

[AnxiousGirl]

Haha I feel that way about everyone, so yeah T included. I never say it to T though, I wouldnt even know how to bring it up and like if I do bring it up, even if she did care, shell probably end up not caring in the end.

All I know is that I probably care more about our relationship/sessions than she does.

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by SS1971

I'm kind of thinking that telling her wasn't the right thing to do now

I think it's a brave thing to do to tell someone how you feel about them, so well done.
May I ask what your T's reaction was? Or what she said?

Originally Posted by itjustis

I think it's a brave thing to do to tell someone how you feel about them, so well done.
May I ask what your T's reaction was? Or what she said?

Thank you. I've struggled with her being away for so long .. and it's still another 5 weeks until she is back .. some other stuff has happened which has added to the struggle and she said something about Mother's Day which made me feel like she invalidated my feelings

I said (which was horrible I know) ..

" I don't want to talk to you ... I feel upset and am struggling ..

You're not here and you don't care ... I hate you ..

And Mother's Day may be commercial crap to you but saying that to me after I told you how much of a struggle that time of year is for me felt like you just invalidated my feelings"

She replied "oh, ok, I am here if you change your mind"

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by SS1971

Thank you. I've struggled with her being away for so long .. and it's still another 5 weeks until she is back .. some other stuff has happened which has added to the struggle and she said something about Mother's Day which made me feel like she invalidated my feelings


I said (which was horrible I know) ..


" I don't want to talk to you ... I feel upset and am struggling ..


You're not here and you don't care ... I hate you ..


And Mother's Day may be commercial crap to you but saying that to me after I told you how much of a struggle that time of year is for me felt like you just invalidated my feelings"



She replied "oh, ok, I am here if you change your mind"

You might think it is horrible - what you said - but at the time you really felt it and that is ok.

Personally, from her reply, I'd take it as she will more than likely talk to you about it at your next session. That's good. Maybe you could write down all of your thoughts and feelings so you can refer back to it in your next session...feelings like this pass over time and if it's something you really need to discuss then writing it down might be a good idea for you?

She has also left the line of communication open for you - again, this is a good thing and is there if you need it.

I don't mean to invalidate your feelings or situation but I'm guessing your T has seen and heard it all. Please don't worry (easier said than done I know)

[laxer12]

I agree with itjustis. She definitely left the door open for you to contact her again if you want to. I think it's hard for any of us to fully interpret her response as we don't know her and your relationship with her. My guess would be that she is fully aware that you are upset and wants to give you the space to work through some of that on your own and not force you to talk about it.

When you're ready, you can reach out again and I'm sure she'll be willing to talk through it with you

It just feels so different now ..

Earlier she sent this (will post at end of this) but I don't know if she means I should not have thought it was anything other than her opinion or if she means she shouldn't have said it? .. all I know is it feels different now and non repairable .. thing is it's 5 weeks until I see her again and even though I've sent her a message apologising, she isn't going to speak to me until next week now .. so I feel like she is punishing me for not talking to her last night :-(

"I have had time to think and in hindsight my opinion on certain celebrations should remain just that."

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by SS1971

It just feels so different now ..

Earlier she sent this (will post at end of this) but I don't know if she means I should not have thought it was anything other than her opinion or if she means she shouldn't have said it? .. all I know is it feels different now and non repairable .. thing is it's 5 weeks until I see her again and even though I've sent her a message apologising, she isn't going to speak to me until next week now .. so I feel like she is punishing me for not talking to her last night :-(

"I have had time to think and in hindsight my opinion on certain celebrations should remain just that."

If she is a professional, competent T then she is in no way punishing you. What type of therapy does she practice?
I think by that reply she may have realised her opinions should be kept out of the therapy relationship. And maybe she realised her flippant comment has had a big impact on you.

She will learn from this is my guess. No T is perfect at their job, mistakes are made and are learned from.
It may seem different and irreparable right now, (I've been there) but once you get into the room at your next appt you can talk it out and get back on track.
5 weeks is a long time...hang in there.

Thank you .. I hope she meant it the way you said .. it hurts that she hadn't acknowledged how it made me feel if that makes sense .. once before she did something which made me anxious and I told her and she apologised but that was face to face ..
She mainly practises psychodynamic therapy