[hopealwayz]

I feel judged by some of the people here including someone who called my suicial actions "game playing" when I was seriously considering it. Thanks to everyone who supported me.

I do talk to my T about ex-T.

I thought this was a safe place to open up but I'm tired of being judged so I may just leave this forum.

[childofchaos831]

I am sorry you feel judged... I hope you don't leave the forum.

I know, with me, some of my friends have gotten to the point where they get frustrated seeing me behave certain ways, without seeming to want to change anything. It hurts me when they tell me "just stop that" or "get over it", like it is really that easy...

People, even those with similar issues, sometimes don't understand that some things are harder for one person than they are for another. I have a really difficult time asking for help irl. I can't tell people what is really going on inside my head, because I feel like they won't get it... or they will think I'm crazy or overreact...

I applaud you for being able to share about ex-T and being able to share this post! That takes courage, that I don't know I have at the moment...

I believe the people who were commenting were trying to help in the way they thought was best. It just wasn't what you needed to hear. That doesn't mean they don't care. That's when we need to be assertive and express, like you did here, that the words hurt and upset us.

Please, consider hanging around. Maybe take a break from posting serious stuff and head over to games for a bit... I think good can still come from being in PC...

Puck

[thesnowqueen]

I don't think everyone can relate to the experience of being in such a desperate state for a prolonged period. To have such actions/thoughts/sentiments as integral to ones everyday life on an ongoing basis. Perhaps because they cannot relate they assume that the person is not REALLY feeling that way. It's a lot more comfortable believing that someone is 'game-playing' rather than suffering to this extent. I'm sorry you have had such an invalidating and judgmental experience here.

I'm sorry you feel judged but when someone starts a thread they open themselves up for people to give their opinions and advice on the issue weather they want to hear it or not. Lots of people answer your threads and lots of people suggest things to try and help you. You've got a lot going on and a lot of responsibility and I think more people here than not would like to help you see your way through but the people here can only offer advice and insight and be honest with you. You have the option to take the advice you think will be helpful for you and ditch the rest. Good luck with your decision to leave or stay.

[thesnowqueen]

"but the people here can only offer advice and insight and be honest with you..."

The truth is that there are a lot of people on this forum and each person has their own conscious and unconscious agenda(s). If someone is upset by the feedback they are given I don't think that is always because THAT person is not responding appropriately. Sure, ideally we should always take what helps and ditch the rest, but if we are already struggling this isn't always as easy as it sounds.

That's also very true.

I don't think the intention is to judge you, it is to come up with ideas and suggestions to change the situation(s) that makes you suffer so much. It's because others' simply offering support and hugs does not seem to be enough to help you get better... but maybe tell us what you are looking for, what you think would help, if you decide to stay.

[BudFox]

When people give advice where none was solicited, that is about them. Advice is not support. It's an act of aggression.

"The most dangerous people in the world are those who believe that they know what is best for others." -- Dorothy Rowe Phd

[Out There]

I hope you stay with us Hope. I'm sorry you feel judged. Maybe we know how much you have to deal with and are concerned about Ex T taking action against you and try to advise you in that way to be careful with your actions , but you're in so much pain over this which is very understandable. I hope you can sort out consistent therapy to help you work on this.

[thesnowqueen]

Sorry - just trying to delete something, never mind.

[hopealwayz]

I do appreciate the advice and support and I know you are all trying to help me. I'm just hurting at the moment.

[AllHeart]

I'm glad to see your post, Hope. I have been worried about you. You did not deserve what was dished out to you last night. I think for most people, there was genuine care and concern for you but their words could have been more compassionately stated. For some, comments were made to merely stroke their own ego, which is a poor reflection on them - not on you.

It was clear to me you were already in a highly vulnerable state so some of the insensitive assumptions made could have had an outright dangerous effect on you. I don't want to see you go but in all honestly, I think there are safer support communities out there. I'm really sorry that on top of everything else you are dealing with you couldn't find helpful support here last night.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by BudFox

When people give advice where none was solicited, that is about them. Advice is not support. It's an act of aggression.

"The most dangerous people in the world are those who believe that they know what is best for others." -- Dorothy Rowe Phd

[thesnowqueen]

Didn't see the post last night - or the thread - but I have been shocked in the past at some peoples responses to some posts. People are on this forum because they need extra support and yes - they have decided to make themselves vulnerable by posting - but that in no way excuses callous and judgmental responses (especially in the guise of 'being honest', or 'being helpful'). Saying it is the responsibility of OP to handle whatever he/she gets is a horrendous attitude.

Also, from past posts it sounded like you are under the kind of pressure many of us would buckle under, so yes, anyone even attempting "advice" should definitely keep this in mind.

[LonesomeTonight]

I've been judged pretty harshly in some of my threads on here, and I know how painful it can be. I even had someone basically questioning whether I loved and was taking good care of my daughter-when she's the center of my life. (I just don't talk about her as much on here because it's a psychotherapy board.) I've come to learn to be selective in who I listen to. Like if someone just joined a month ago and/or clearly doesn't know any of the background to a situation I'm dealing with, then I do my bedt to just ignore them or at least take their comment with a grain of salt. But it can still hurt. I've found the number of supportive people on this forum to greatly outnumber the judgmental ones, so it's worth it to me to stay. But I get the impulse to leave (and did so on another site years ago because of the judgment).

[Myrto]

I'm sorry you feel that way. I agree a lot of the posts yesterday were judgmental. Some had the best intentions I'm sure and some, well, not so much. I would understand if you left the forum because you find it unsupportive. I have felt judged too at times. I wish you well in whatever you decide.

[atisketatasket]

Hope - there are ways to customize your experience on here so you feel safer...moderators to appeal to, an ignore function.

[growlycat]

I want you to stay hope. If I said something judgemental I am truly sorry.

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I feel judged by some of the people here including someone who called my suicial actions "game playing" when I was seriously considering it. Thanks to everyone who supported me.

I do talk to my T about ex-T.

I thought this was a safe place to open up but I'm tired of being judged so I may just leave this forum.

(((Hope))))
It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out here, posting your vulnerabilities and your pain in a place like this. I hope you can see the strength in that.

In following a thread on the forum above, I kept thinking how supportive this place is (for some people). A lot of us have been consistently supporting you-don't forget about us. Many others here only receive 1 or 2 responses if they are lucky, or barely even acknolwedged. It's very sad sometimes. Maybe other forums might not be as much of a risk. There's a trauma forum and attachment forum here, among others. One of the downside is that they're usually not as active. Maybe people aren't as interested in talking about psychology there.

Sometimes i think people who never start threads of their own, exposing their own vulnerabilities and pain like you did don't realize how their words can feel like they are kicking you when you're down. It's awful to be in pain or feel so low that you feel better off dead then hearing words that serve as little confirmations of bad feelings about yourself. Mood can really affect sensitivities, especially when you already feel like you want to die.

Take care (and hopefully stay away from that psychiatrist!)

Originally Posted by BudFox

When people give advice where none was solicited, that is about them. Advice is not support. It's an act of aggression.

"The most dangerous people in the world are those who believe that they know what is best for others." -- Dorothy Rowe Phd

Im confused about this as just read a thread where I noticed you, yourself just gave a bunch of advice to someone (eg try wearing blue blocking glasses) and that you continually give advice to people on this forun about alternative treatments.

Maybe people have different definitions of advice giving, or arent being self centered when they try to help? Advice to one could be suggestions to another and vice versa.

(Not being mean, but just saying...as a bunch of people were just criticized, including those who continually offer support to Hope)

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Hope - there are ways to customize your experience on here so you feel safer...moderators to appeal to, an ignore function.

What would make things safer is allowing people to fully express themselves, including directly calling out others on their bulls**t and having strong words, if appropriate. But that is almost always short-circuited in one way or another. Running problems though a moderator, whether here or in therapy, is not the same thing. People need to be given the chance to stand up for themselves. Shutting down expression of anger is supremely toxic.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Skies

Im confused about this as just read a thread where I noticed you, yourself just gave a bunch of advice to someone (eg try wearing blue blocking glasses) and that you continually give advice to people on this forun about alternative treatments.

Big difference between making suggestions about a few sleep remedies, and giving aggressive advice about how to live one's life. Also compare the language used. Huge difference. Not in the even in the same universe.

I do lapse into advice giving sometimes (not continually) but try not to and try to word things in a non-directive way. And, again, I don't presume to give advice on larger life issues.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by BudFox

What would make things safer is allowing people to fully express themselves, including directly calling out others on their bulls**t and having strong words, if appropriate. But that is almost always short-circuited in one way or another. Running problems though a moderator, whether here or in therapy, is not the same thing. People need to be given the chance to stand up for themselves. Shutting down expression of anger is supremely toxic.

Hmmm, yes. Allowing people to fully express themselves, anger and all, no holds barred, has led to, IRL, in no particular order:

Possible trigger:

-genocide
-any war you can name
-sexual violence
-domestic abuse
-murder
-pretty much every felony you can think of

And maybe we should get rid of the moderator UN too?

It seems to me what is needed is a recognition that people don't have to put up with other people's bad manners, anger, and ********. I find it really odd that you were all for shutting down hope's thread last night according to your post there on grounds some posts were unsupportive, but surely those people were also "fully express[ing] themselves"? So why were you all for moderator invention then?

If hope wants to stay on the site but needs to eliminate posters who don't provide sufficient support from her feed, that's her right. She does not have to put up with comments that upset and possibly even endanger her.

[skaymak]

Dear Hope,

I am very sorry that you feel judged. I truly don't think it was anyone's intentions to hurt you. I have been following your threads for awhile. This is just my opinion, I think the other posters, including myself, are all very worried about you. You mentioned that your previous T may put a restraining order against you. You talk about suicidality. These are all very scary! It can have serious legal, medical, and emotional complications for you. I don't think anyone wants you to be hurt and further hurting. I'm not defending your previous T at all, but you did mention you are repeatedly crossing his boundaries, when he has explicitly stated for no contact. If this continues, it can have serious ramifications, like a restraining order. It's very hard to know what type of support one should give in this situation...

This is just a suggestion: but if you want to take action. Would you consider contacting his licensing board (like the American Psychiatric Association or NASW, etc) about his treatment/behavior towards you, or if you feel it was a wrongful/harmful termination? You could also talk to a lawyer and learn what your rights are in this type of situation? It might help make you feel more empowered.

Please take care, and try to do something nice for yourself.

[Dawntreader]

We're all constantly being judged. That's just life. Sometimes that judgement has value, sometimes not.

I'd rather be judged by a forum of people, (and maybe learn from it) than end up in front of an actual judge because I decided that anyone telling me things I didn't want to hear about my actions was 'unsupportive.'

People who can't tolerate the word 'no', (no, you can't have an appointment every week, no, you can't contact your ex-therapist, no, people won't always be on your side) do live very painful lives. Life is a lot easier when you can take 'no' for an answer.