Couch 136: Transference Welcome!

Three no-shows in a row for lessons today. I'm in a big public school building by myself and it's giving me major heeby-jeebies

(((Artie))) “Daddy, you have a terrible Losada ratio,” she said.

Eta - got "adjusted" today ie saw the chiropractor. He was in his gym clothes lifting weights when i got there - i could not even look at him until he put on long pants i need to talk to t about this. I am not the same person i was when i started with t.

I just found out that there's a room in my university where you can sleep during the day...

That sounds scary Anais. I seem to read a bit of cynicism in your "all good".

I'm not doing too well. Have had an ongoing argument over about everything with my psychologist for months. It started over my diagnosis, which was changed from autism + BPD to dependent personality disorder + BPD traits + depression NOS. That DPD label is used to tell me that all my problems are due to uncertainty and I just need a good kick in the behind. I'm institutionalized and have been for 9 1/2 years and it's not even three weeks till my planned discharge date and no after care has been arranged yet. Well, they (social worker and psychologist) are working on it but I have little faith in it being all ready by May 1.

That sounds scary Anais. I seem to read a bit of cynicism in your "all good".

I'm not doing too well. Have had an ongoing argument over about everything with my psychologist for months. It started over my diagnosis, which was changed from autism + BPD to dependent personality disorder + BPD traits + depression NOS. That DPD label is used to tell me that all my problems are due to uncertainty and I just need a good kick in the behind. I'm institutionalized and have been for 9 1/2 years and it's not even three weeks till my planned discharge date and no after care has been arranged yet. Well, they (social worker and psychologist) are working on it but I have little faith in it being all ready by May 1.

So, for those of you who are bipolar I or II, how would you define a mixed state? Because I'm possibly bipolar II (per p-doc), and the past few days I've felt a mix of depression and intense irritability (after a period of just irritability/racing thoughts, which I think is hypomania). It's like I want to either cry (did lots of that in MC session and after yesterday) or snap at someone (H, daughter, other drivers), and it feels like it's taking more and more effort to manage those urges (done plenty of snapping, too). Plus some self-loathing and guilt thrown in there for good measure.

Maybe I need to contact my p-doc? Been on Zoloft, and she had me try a really low-dose of Abilify (like half of the smallest pill--so taking 1 mg) for a bit (while staying on Zoloft), but that left me feeling extremely irritable all the time and unable to control stuff I was saying, which was causing lots of marital stress. So I stopped that a couple weeks ago.

I know this probably belongs in the bipolar section, but just wondering if anyone here had experienced similar symptoms... Naturally, my T is on vacation this week. (E-mailed MC last night but e-mail was about a bunch of stuff, with mention of feeling bad about myself and sort of hopeless toward the end, but may have gotten lost in all the other ramblings.)

Eta - got "adjusted" today ie saw the chiropractor. He was in his gym clothes lifting weights when i got there - i could not even look at him until he put on long pants i need to talk to t about this. I am not the same person i was when i started with t.

My pdoc doesn't think I am bipolar (I have been seeing him for about 6 years, and I generally trust his opinion at this point), but I do have a great degree of irritability that my Ts have associated as being a symptom of my depression. Also I sometimes have racing thoughts (or thoughts that seem like they may be racing thoughts?) when I am incredibly anxious or overwhelmed. So for me it's all a combination of anxiety & depression. Oh, and also OCD.

He is so cuuutteeee <3

There is prozac for kitties?! How did you know he needed it?

Omg, you have the cutest kitties.

Eta - got "adjusted" today ie saw the chiropractor. He was in his gym clothes lifting weights when i got there - i could not even look at him until he put on long pants i need to talk to t about this. I am not the same person i was when i started with t.

Just read the greatest word ever in one of those teen novels I've been reading lately- "f---tastrophe". My inner 15 yo rejoices to have a new swear word.

Yes, i am weird.

From this morning...

But hey girl, why not just embrace your inner cougar? Or come visit me and and we'll hit the club scene.

Thank you very much! They are back at their respective posts tonight, towel pile & pillow.

The prozac I give him is in liquid form. I get it compounded at a compounding pharmacy & it's vanilla butternut flavor. (He's on another med as well that is the same flavor; he seems to really like it.)

When he was about 2 months old or so he started attacking my hands/feet & ankles, as in latch on and not let go. He would draw blood. It was getting pretty bad, so his vet recommended the prozac. It seemed to make him much more comfortable and he stopped attacking me in the same way. He can still be a bit bitey (much less intense), and I know his "triggers" now. I have been able to lower the prozac dose over the years as well (he's 6 now).

Thanks for your comments. I also have anxiety and OCD, along with recurrent depressive episodes...so maybe it's the same for me? I remember at one point describing to my T how I had so many thoughts in my head at one time, but I had just assumed that everyone was like that. And she was just like, "Uh, no." The OCD has been there since I was a little kid, anxiety starting in adolescence (though I've always been a worrier).

I mostly was wondering about bipolar II because one of the main defining features was that the first bout of depression was before age 21 (or maybe 18?) and that there were multiple recurrences of it. And then some descriptions of hypomania rang true for me, like irritability, distractability, colors seeming brighter/nature seeming more beautiful, etc. And being less careful about spending (but nothing to the level of what's described for full mania). Plus I've had some negative reactions to fairly low doses of SSRIs, like agitation. And worse mental health reactions to SNRIs like Cymbalta, which apparently tends to happen in people with bipolar II.

But maybe it is just part of the depression/anxiety/OCD?

I'm starting to feel left out 'cause I don't have a chiropractor.

Oh, well - must mean I'm young and lithe! s all around

Oh, good to know! My mom's older cat probably would have done well with Prozac. He has calmed in his older years, and weirdly, a kitten helped a lot too. I guess not THAT weird, but he was so mean and aggressive when he was younger, that I thought adding a kitten at his age wouldn't go well...but it did. I think it might have went better than adding a kitten to my 8 year old cat's life

The whole flexing thing just when you're about to show up........seems very very very suspicious. I mean.......there's science and all behind it.
Ahem.
Ahem.

Chiropractors scare me.

I like the song and artist because I like the way she contributes to the music with her voice. Also the lyrics are great to me.

Regina Spektor "us"

This is me until his "lunch break" is over