Everything I tell him I like, he withholds. He says he's been consistent, and he has in many ways, but that's not totally true.

There are lots of transferences going on, but this doesn't seem to be part of that. The only other time I can think of anyone trying to 'break my spirit' was in military boot camp.

I mean this in the context with my resistances and defenses. Last week it felt like he was trying to tame me, as in my impulses that felt so freeing and spontaneous. He admitted this half-heartedly; said something about coming down closer to the ground.

Can anyone relate to this, or could this be another irrational thought?
It's getting frustrating. I don't want to be reduced to hopelessness and despair. I've been there before. I am feel so much better lately--why can't I just enjoy life while I can?

Ya know, I sorta feel where you're coming from, with my t "accusing" (that's how I took it anyway) me of being complacent because I am HAPPY. What the bleep is wrong with being happy?!

(OMG did I just complain about my T?!)

Originally Posted by artemis-within

Ya know, I sorta feel where you're coming from, with my t "accusing" (that's how I took it anyway) me of being complacent because I am HAPPY. What the bleep is wrong with being happy?!

(OMG did I just complain about my T?!)

EXACTLY!!!

Yes-this is the thread to complain. (I love my therapist too )

Experiencing the relationship is a big part of being a better person too. My father was a workaholic. I don't want workaholic-ism or perfection-ism. How about some real-ism??

Let's organize a client mutiny

Take THAT APSAA!!!!

[WePow]

I hear you. It hasbeen something that on therapy days like today just push me away even more and makes me confirm my view ofthe world and relationships being dangerous.
Sometimes I even wonder if Ts realize how much damage they do with that schtick.
The new preview for black box fits... if you fix their head but break their heart most people think that is abad doctor....

[unaluna]

I hate that "consistent" line. Like they can remember what they do or say from session to session. But we can FEEEEEEL a warmer smile or whatever - we live for it. Okay, so yes we're crazy, but i dont think they should deny our experience. I do think we know better than they do, exactly what they did. Should we not ascribe so much meaning to it? On that yes i would agree they are correct. The batardes.

I love ya'all!!! this stuff here is great!

(((WePow))) Nice to see you. I hear you....!

Hankster-my therapist has a better memory than I do, but yeah, that's true. It doesn't bother me too much (but it might next week!).

But I did get indirectly accused of not taking the work seriously. He had some good points, but I am not in THAT big of hurry for my personality to change. Let me get to know you a bit first!! Trust...

Sometimes, survival, not working hard, is the priority.

POW ABPP!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by artemis-within

I love ya'all!!! this stuff here is great!

Backatcha!!

[tametc]

Originally Posted by artemis-within

I love ya'all!!! this stuff here is great!

Ditto!

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by skies

I mean this in the context with my resistances and defenses. Last week it felt like he was trying to tame me, as in my impulses that felt so freeing and spontaneous. He admitted this half-heartedly; said something about coming down closer to the ground.

But who would want to go down there, when flying is so much fun

Originally Posted by Depletion

But who would want to go down there, when flying is so much fun

Absolutely!

Actually, he said my hypomania was a defense. I disagreed, then (reluctantly) agreed, now disagreeing again. It feels like the fun-loving part of me, and I can recall other, similar situations that had nothing to do with defending against emotion.

I know I've been somewhat obnoxious lately, but I feel sad that he totally rejected that part of me. For now on, I'll have to keep that part of me hidden away when i'm in therapy with him. I started feeling self-hate about this when I got up this morning.

I miss former T who accepted all of me without conditions.

[unaluna]

Hes not rejecting that part of you, hes just saying the presentation of you isnt efficient. He cant hear whatviu have to say. Youre obfuscating. Hes trying to peek behind de fence!

Originally Posted by hankster

Hes not rejecting that part of you, hes just saying the presentation of you isnt efficient. He cant hear whatviu have to say. Youre obfuscating. Hes trying to peek behind de fence!

Youre right. it just feels that way i guess. I also told him i need him to not be so hard on me right now because of some outside stressors.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by skies

Everything I tell him I like, he withholds. He says he's been consistent, and he has in many ways, but that's not totally true.

There are lots of transferences going on, but this doesn't seem to be part of that. The only other time I can think of anyone trying to 'break my spirit' was in military boot camp.

That's how I felt about Madame T sometimes. For months.

I miss experiencing this part of me. I know i sound silly or foolish in this post, but a good part of me was revived. Its like i was unfrozen. Then it went back in.

I sound like a completely different person now. what happened to me

[unaluna]

I cant understand a thing i said. No wonder people here say i speak mandarin.

Your posts made sense to me.

I sound like a comoletely different person.

I don't know how helpful this is but: is it possible your T is just fallible? I remember you saying that he is the best one that you have had, but maybe he is just making mistakes? And these mistakes have led to your therapy becoming a re-enactment of your childhood rather than a healing relationship? I think that a therapist needs to be really accepting of all parts of us, particularly when we are being spontaneous or are asking for things. Your T has not been able to do this. I think that when we are in therapy we can have a tendency to look within us to try to improve the therapy or to find where it went wrong, but sometimes the problem is within the therapist. But we so want them to be perfect, it's hard to accept. Sometimes what we need from them feels so obvious to us, maybe they can't somehow trust that there are times when we know what we need and we can guide our own therapy.

I've been thinking of having a conversation with my new T along the lines of this: 'during the time that I was seeing the other two therapists, I gradually felt worse and worse in the relationship, can we talk now about what we might do if that happens again while I'm seeing you.' My thoughts are that maybe we could get creative in our thinking about doing something completely different in the session to take me away from the re-enactment. I'm wondering if what happened to me in my therapies is similar to what has happened to you? You are somehow now feeling worse within your relationship and are just stuck there. And your therapist has blocked your attempts to do something about it, as my ex-T's did?

I like your idea about being creative in your thinking and bringing it up to your therapist early on. I've tried but can't do stuff like that with him as they are all treated like transference wishes or manipulation. (This i just decided to accept after all) I think it's a good idea overall though.

I don't know what happened, still trying to figure it out. It's not that he is fallible. My last T certainly had more flaws, though different (ie was really bad with boundaries but wasn't defensive at all) but the relationship was good. I really don't have too many expectations, he as well as my former t were the first therapist's I saw-I felt no need to shop around as at the time, there were only a few requirements I had. It could be that the mistakes have had adverse impacts, maybe that is it-I definitely don't feel all parts of me are accepted. That's not seeking perfection though, at least not for me. If it is for you, give yourself a break there. Being accepted doesn't seem to be asking for too much.

Your post made me think-if he doesn't accept all parts of me, I can't either. I look at him as a mentor, father figure, attachment, so what he says and does is more impactful than anyone else. It *shouldn't* be this way (he explained this by telling me he only personally saw his therapist as a therapist) but it is. I have accepted he won't be more to me, but we are only talking about spoken words here. Nothing else.

There's always this lingering hope that things can be repaired. Like now. Then something happens-like he just gave away my session time to someone else when we were temporarily doign a new schedule from our regular time due to another health treatment that was 5 days a week for a few weeks. I dont' understand why he did that. Last time he wanted to change my session time, he asked me if it was ok. It's just really hurtful. It hurts so bad that he would do that. My session was early evening, now it's earlier in the day and is hard with my job. I'm not sure I can even do this time. In addition to hurtful, it felt really devaluing.

[BudFox]

Though I did not feel this way previously, I now find it odd that people care what their therapists think or do. Why? They are not in even in your real life. They are just a hired hand, an hour or two per week. I know that unconscious drives and impulses are involved, and therapists have symbolic power, but I found it helpful to acknowledge rationally that this person was not even real, just a an artificial construct with whom I was having a pretend relationship.

Brown Owl,

Just thinking back how both of us had severe maternal neglect, and how that might complicate therapy because of the distancein the relationship. My therapist is really neutral, and in all regards, i dont want someone enmeshed with me. But I think its hard to manage that kind of boundary.

Missing out on core infant needs is so impactful. I always felt the neglect was 1000 times worse than the abuse that i went through, though i dont remember it all according to a sibling.

BudFox, that comes from my childhood need since my father neglected me, we had no relationship until sexual abuse. He never even took me to a store before. I always felt like an alien. When i went to friends houses and their fathers talked to us or made breakfast, i would freeze up and not know how to interact. My father did have rages, and when i used to remember my dreams, i had a nightmare of him as a monster chasing me. It was a mechanical lion with a deafening roar.

I think the needs decrease after working through the transference. This part of it feels very paternal; problem with me is that i have the more intense maternal transference stuff going on at the same time. Hopefully someday, ill transfer it to a relationship outside of therapy, as i dont think it will disappear. Problem with thatis ive been closing myself off to relationships after what happened last time i was in one.

Originally Posted by artemis-within

Ya know, I sorta feel where you're coming from, with my t "accusing" (that's how I took it anyway) me of being complacent because I am HAPPY. What the bleep is wrong with being happy?!

(OMG did I just complain about my T?!)

wow - what the hell did i know back then about being happy?!

(and I've done a whole lot more complaining about my t since then too ha ha)