I am thinking of this again because I met with ex t in various different organisations she worked in.
It never crossed my mind that this was unethical. It made me feel special and like my t trusted me. I never asked her why we had to meet somewhere other than her house. It never occurred to me to ask. At the time it was exciting but now I wonder what she got out of it.
Have you ever met your t outside of therapy and how was it for you?

[velcro003]

No, and I definitely would be very weirded out if she suggested it.

[Nammu]

Nope, never. I saw them sometimes like at the grocery store or something but we'd just nod at each other and go about our business.

[stopdog]

No. Ack.
Not while also paying the woman to act as a therapist. I was friends with one therapist I had seen- after I stopped using her as a therapist.

[Elio]

I think it would depend on the situation. I asked my T to visit me in the hospital after my top surgery. That was a me ask, not T ask. I think if she was to ask me to attend some conference or presentation with her about a topic that we are dealing with, then yeah I think it would be fine.

There have been times where I have wanted her time outside of session - so my initial response to the question was.. heck yeah. Then after a short pause or 2, I was to.. no way, that would be weird.

There are some things outside of the therapy office room I would like her to be there for/help with - all of those have a therapy related purpose and again would be me initiated. I would wonder what she got out of these meetings and what prompted them. It could have been just a matter of logistics on her end or it could have been something totally different.

[Moment]

I could agree to changing the venue of therapy, like if he came to my bedside when I was hospitalized.

But I would not agree to, say, going to a baseball game together or just hanging out. Even if I would be partly thrilled if he would ask me, I would feel it was highly inappropriate and we'd have to have a conversation about how crazy that would be. I wouldn't do it.

Only after we were no longer doing therapy. I've gone out for lunch with former therapists AFTER we had finished (several years later) when one of us happened to be in town.

The only exception to that was with my second therapist who happened to also be one of the pastors of my church. We worked together on several church projects not related to therapy. I knew him before I started therapy with him though and had worked on projects for church previously with him, so it really didn't have any weirdness to me -- just more of the same. I never felt like those activities spilled over into my therapy (or vice versa). They were things like summer vacation Bible school, musical service coordination, Habitat for Humanity, etc., and I was one of many volunteers he worked with. I didn't feel like it was special treatment or that he was getting anything out of it.

[Myrto]

No. I would not. The therapy room is supposed to be the safe and consistent place you get to express your thoughts in. Therapists are not supposed to meet their clients at a restaurant, a coffee place or a park. In my country, that behaviour would definitely be unethical. How could confidentiality be maintained in a public place?

[junkDNA]

We have before but the nature of our relationship at the time was unconventional

[Miss Laura]

I would but it will definitely never happen. I think she would be a sound person to meet up with.

I have met ex support worker for coffee and a catch up about 3 times its never been weird at all.... hoping to meet up with her again soon

[Waterbear]

I wouldn't do it. It would freak me out, and I do think that it would be more about her than me, especially if it was her that requested it. If she suggested it, as she thought it would help, I think that there would need to be a lot of questions and thoughts and feelings raised first. Even when my T first got her dedicated therapy room in the garden (vs using the conservatory) it really weirded me out when we went to look at it one day. It took quite some preparation and adjustment for me to be vaguely comfortable with the idea of changing locations.

That said, I have asked T if, when and if I feel ready, she would walk with me, and she has said that yes, she would, after we had talked it through and both decided we were happy with it all.

I've met my psychiatrist socially but it was still within the therapeutic setting. She took me to coffee at a very busy time to show me I could do it, and met me several times at my grocery store to do the same.

No and I would not with the two I have seen. I did not end the therapy sharp and have a deal with both of my Ts that I can go see them again occasionally or even regularly in the future if I want, so they are still therapists for me and I would not mix causal socializing into that.

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I've met my psychiatrist socially but it was still within the therapeutic setting. She took me to coffee at a very busy time to show me I could do it, and met me several times at my grocery store to do the same.

This sounds like it was very helpful to you? Was it strange being out drinking coffee with your t?

Originally Posted by stopdog

No. Ack.
Not while also paying the woman to act as a therapist. I was friends with one therapist I had seen- after I stopped using her as a therapist.

I always wished I could be friends with my t but I know that it would never really work because we are too different. Was it helpful being friends after therapy ended?

Originally Posted by Waterbear

I wouldn't do it. It would freak me out, and I do think that it would be more about her than me, especially if it was her that requested it. If she suggested it, as she thought it would help, I think that there would need to be a lot of questions and thoughts and feelings raised first. Even when my T first got her dedicated therapy room in the garden (vs using the conservatory) it really weirded me out when we went to look at it one day. It took quite some preparation and adjustment for me to be vaguely comfortable with the idea of changing locations.

That said, I have asked T if, when and if I feel ready, she would walk with me, and she has said that yes, she would, after we had talked it through and both decided we were happy with it all.

I think it is more about my t and for her benefit. Especially one time when she asked a favour, she knows that I would have done anything for her and took advantage of that.
I think that talking about it like you and your did would be very helpful and insightful. If it happens with another t I would need to ask why and what their motivation is exactly.
I hope your walking with your t goes well.

[Daisypeach]

I mean maybe. If it's in a medical facility (like say at the dining hall for lunch) I could see how that is okay. I used to plan a biweekly walk (from the office down the street and back) with a doc of mine and it made me trust him a lot more as a person. I think having the therapist see me outside the office may have helped him see my anxiety in a public setting which may have helped.

Tread lightly though... I could see where lines could easily be crossed

[Salmon77]

We've switched offices a couple times because of construction work noise. But besides that I can't think of any good reason to change location. If we met somewhere public our conversation wouldn't be private, plus it would be distracting to me to meet in a coffee shop or a park or something.

Originally Posted by Moment

I could agree to changing the venue of therapy, like if he came to my bedside when I was hospitalized.

But I would not agree to, say, going to a baseball game together or just hanging out. Even if I would be partly thrilled if he would ask me, I would feel it was highly inappropriate and we'd have to have a conversation about how crazy that would be. I wouldn't do it.

Thank you for your perspective, it is crazy and inappropriate, I think that perfectly describes my ex t.

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Only after we were no longer doing therapy. I've gone out for lunch with former therapists AFTER we had finished (several years later) when one of us happened to be in town.

The only exception to that was with my second therapist who happened to also be one of the pastors of my church. We worked together on several church projects not related to therapy. I knew him before I started therapy with him though and had worked on projects for church previously with him, so it really didn't have any weirdness to me -- just more of the same. I never felt like those activities spilled over into my therapy (or vice versa). They were things like summer vacation Bible school, musical service coordination, Habitat for Humanity, etc., and I was one of many volunteers he worked with. I didn't feel like it was special treatment or that he was getting anything out of it.

Thanks for this Lola, I imagine it could be handled ethically and appropriately and it could also be mutually beneficial for both you and your therapist.
I am sure that therapists can have a dual relationship with their clients but I think their attitude around how they handle it could cause a lot of problems.

Originally Posted by Elio

I think it would depend on the situation. I asked my T to visit me in the hospital after my top surgery. That was a me ask, not T ask. I think if she was to ask me to attend some conference or presentation with her about a topic that we are dealing with, then yeah I think it would be fine.

There have been times where I have wanted her time outside of session - so my initial response to the question was.. heck yeah. Then after a short pause or 2, I was to.. no way, that would be weird.

There are some things outside of the therapy office room I would like her to be there for/help with - all of those have a therapy related purpose and again would be me initiated. I would wonder what she got out of these meetings and what prompted them. It could have been just a matter of logistics on her end or it could have been something totally different.

I wonder what my t got out of it. I think sometimes she gets lonely and needs some connection. I found myself craving her time too but now I know why it has to be only an hour a week and we can never be friends.

Originally Posted by Myrto

No. I would not. The therapy room is supposed to be the safe and consistent place you get to express your thoughts in. Therapists are not supposed to meet their clients at a restaurant, a cooffee place or a park. In my country, that behaviour would definitely be unethical. How could confidentiality be maintained in a public place?

You are so right, once you meet in a public place therapy becomes unpredictable and unmanageable and your anonymity is forgotten. A t could never guarantee confidentiality in a public place.

Originally Posted by junkDNA

We have before but the nature of our relationship at the time was unconventional

Is it more conventional now?

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

I would but it will definitely never happen. I think she would be a sound person to meet up with.

I have met ex support worker for coffee and a catch up about 3 times its never been weird at all.... hoping to meet up with her again soon

Sounds like a very positive experience.

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

No and I would not with the two I have seen. I did not end the therapy sharp and have a deal with both of my Ts that I can go see them again occasionally or even regularly in the future if I want, so they are still therapists for me and I would not mix causal socializing into that.

That's good boundaries

[atisketatasket]

Not while we were in an active therapeutic relationship. After? Only for No. 1 - I do not think she was an awesome therapist, but she was the smartest of the bunch and there are some topics I'd like to hear her opinion on.

I have suggested a change in venue to a park, and she agreed but I couldn't go ahead with it. It was linked to changes I was trying to make IRL and I just wasn't ready. She practices ecotherapy with some clients

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-.../#.WRYeGVTTWhA

And I would like to do it on some occasions but have not been able to do that yet. Perhaps one day. It's just too painful for me right now.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Thank you for your perspective, it is crazy and inappropriate, I think that perfectly describes my ex t.

Thanks for this Lola, I imagine it could be handled ethically and appropriately and it could also be mutually beneficial for both you and your therapist.
I am sure that therapists can have a dual relationship with their clients but I think their attitude around how they handle it could cause a lot of problems.



I wonder what my t got out of it. I think sometimes she gets lonely and needs some connection. I found myself craving her time too but now I know why it has to be only an hour a week and we can never be friends.


You are so right, once you meet in a public place therapy becomes unpredictable and unmanageable and your anonymity is forgotten. A t could never guarantee confidentiality in a public place.


Is it more conventional now?

Sounds like a very positive experience.


That's good boundaries

Yes......

I did a couple yrs ago while she was living out of state, she came to town on business for a few days and i met her at the resort she was staying at, cuz i hadn't seen her in so long (we were doing phone sessions at the time). She knew i really wanted to see her in person so when the trip came up, she was concerned it would be weird but it wasn't of course. Then 3 months later she ended up moving back!

[AllHeart]

I met up with my old t for social, non-therapy related things many times. We became good friends - or so I thought - while I was still in therapy with her. It made me feel very special in many ways. I thought my old t cared about me and that I was special to her, too. While I believe she did care about me best she knew how, she was using me to get some need of her own met. She sub/consciously disrespected my boundaries in order to gain something for herself. Obviously, this was all non therapeutic and unethical. But I can see where there could be circumstances when meeting outside of therapy would beneficial to the client, so long as the personal gain is for the client, not the therapist.

[Mike_J]

Never met my therapist outside of therapy, not so much as getting a glimpse of her when I'm out shopping or anything like that.

But if she were to make any suggestion about meeting sometime outside of therapy I would JUMP at the opportunity. But that isn't going to happen, she is way to hung up on the rules and keeping proper boundaries.