Couch 141: The Inversional Hexachordal Combinatorial Couch

Art, I will miss you if you go. I also think it sounds like your H might have had an anxiety attack. Poor guy-they suck. It's hard to be the spouse of someone with intense anxiety, too. So I feel for you as well.

no particular reason i chose an older one. it's just a book i picked up a long time ago and never looked at because i couldnt read. I CAN READ A BOOK NOW!!!

the 2nd writing was from the past, 2012. 2012 was a very bad year for me

I just read an article about ACE (adverse childhood experiences) that strongly links them to addictions. If he is like me, he doesn't understand why he does that stuff either. The article suggests that there are neurological changes that drive the addiction-that the use of substances/behavior is an attempt to stop the fight/flight response that gets activated by triggers that would not set off another person.

Are ACE's things like my father (my brother's step dad) telling my brother that he was "not his son" and that if "he wanted to fight like a man" he'd take him out in the yard and show him what that was like? My dad raise my brother since he was 2 (so it's not like he married my mom when my brother was older), but he always said "not my son" or when talking to my mother "your son" while I was "our daughter".

My therapist is super into the ACE study.... 100+ page PowerPoint and all hahha

Good news alert

Got a job interview at 1:30pm tomorrow. Can I ask for pocket riders?

Also my mom and sister are coming up to visit for the day

I am up and making my chicken brine for the bbq I am going to later today

I'll deffo get in your pocket, JD! And I'll bring my cheerleading pom-poms. Congrats on getting an interview already, that's great!

Walking away is the plan I try to take. Cheek turning - not so much. I always thought that was the oddest idea - like how would that be good. I find people(politicians or ministers- not people here) say that more either for fake humility or to justify expecting someone else to stand there and be abused.

I'm in
(8 characters)

AHHHH, that's so cute, Anais.

I want to be a cute animal-in-JD's-pocket too:

I had a finger monkey/ marmoset originally but it had the wrong file extension

I'll jump in, JD! Good luck!

Finger monkey? Sounds s like something else. (I know that is one of the things they are called - just that it sounds like it might be something else altogether different)

Guys, I've drafted an email to my T and I want some opinions on it... where should I post it - here? In Session? Dear T?

The past day or two it seems like my heart palpitations are back...

Here but only for my slow-growing anxiety of leaving the couch

Okay. For you, Anais!

"Subject Line: HELLO! I EXIST!

Hi...

I hope you had an enjoyable bank holiday.

The owner of the shop I work in went away for the weekend and left me in charge. On Saturday I came down with some sort of horrible virus - such perfect timing! I felt terrible. But I got through it. I got a text message today saying "Thanks for running the shop for me Luc - everything is perfect here - so good to have you on board.", which has made me very happy. It feels extremely important to me to have done a good job, because he put his trust in me and employed me when I was afraid that no-one ever would.

Actually, he said something funny the other day... When I last saw him, on Thursday, and he was asking how I was feeling about looking after the shop. He said "you'll be alright, you're a grown-up". That struck me afterwards as a bit of an odd thing to say. I mean, do grown-ups need to be told that they're grown-ups?

I'm pretty sure I'm not a grown-up. Still got some growing to do.

I didn't sleep well last night - I was afraid of the impending thunderstorm (how's that for not being a grown-up), which barely even happened in the end.

...and I'm anxious about seeing my client again tomorrow. IF THEY SHOW UP, THAT IS! I'm considering calling my supervisor, since I didn't get to see her last week... but I don't really have anything specific to say, just... "HELP, I have no idea what I'm doing! I've changed my mind! I'm rubbish at this!"

So. That's where I am today. Tired and snotty and anxious but also a little bit proud of myself.

I want to tell you about what happened to me last time I saw you and why I went all weird and couldn't speak. I also want to tell you about the realisation followed by revelation that I had on the bus home. I don't think I can tell you in that much detail. Not right now. But I'll try and tell you some of it.

There was something about your appearance that I noticed when I saw you last week, and it occurred to me that I'd seen it before but somehow managed to erase it from my mind completely. Like, I had repressed it, in some weird Freudian way. That wasn't directly the reason why I went quiet - it may have been... probably was... a part of it though.

As I was pondering on that on my way home and wondering why my mind had refused to remember it, I realised that (amongst a few other things, actually, which has vaguely occurred to me before but not felt that important) my sort-of-ex-boyfriend, (Name), kind of had this in common with you.

So... what with me never really 'getting over' him... I guess there might be some explanation for my transference there. I guess there must be. I guess we should talk about it. Eek.

See you next week.

Luc"

Is it too long and rambly? Too vague and confusing? Does it make sense? Is it okay? Is it a terrible idea?

I think it's fine <3

And the grownup thing was a totally weird thing to say

I think it is more of a reminder that one can take care of one's self and one is not a child. I sometimes remind students they are adults - look you are an adult and are making choices (when they write and ask me if they will be missing anything important in class if they skip. I don't respond with justifying my syllabus or with a "no - this date is a complete waste of time so you can skip without worry"- but rather with the reminder that they are adults who can choose - the requirements of the course, including attendance, are on the syllabus - make your choices from there)

Indeed. I appreciated the reminder that I am an adult and can take care of things. I actually needed it in that moment!

Like I said, it feels rather odd that I should have to be reminded of that, though. Also, no-one's ever called me a 'grown-up' before. It's what children call adults, not what adults call adults...

Pocket riding. Good luck!

Post here?

I am amusing myself today.