The Couch 145 : I Stubbed My Toe On the Sofa.... COUCH!

I am honestly pretty devastated. I thought she actually cared about me but when she fired me it sounded like every interaction we had was a trial for her. She brought up stuff from over a year ago. And she said I was draining and a bunch of other stuff. Not only did it really hurt I'm now paranoid about my relationship with my real T bc what if she is being the same kind of fake???? I know my T has for real done a lot of work on herself and had excellent self care but I'm still scared. I basically still cry whenever I'm alone ( which is not often, but still)

I feel like a loser bc I am sitting outside reading a book. I feel like I should eithrr be getting something done or doing something epic and holiday-ish but not just regular lazing around

I wouldn't read it so much as fake as the rantings of someone who has some pretty non-trivial mental health issues.

It's not your fault that she found (if she really did at the time rather than in retrospect -- the latter is where I'd put my money) some of it taxing but chose to continue all the same without telling you.

I'd think of it a bit in the form of a breakup of any relationship -- to make that first move to sever ties, I have been an arsehole a lot of times. That's not so much because I wanted to be or truly believed all the crap I spouted (and gawd knows, I've said some pretty awful stuff) or even knew what I believed (the anger clouded all my thoughts) but more that I felt I needed to say stuff to get the heck away. I caused a lot of damage doing stuff like that but I didn't have the basic maturity to talk things through, recognize my own crap and renegotiate boundaries in a respectful way.

Your T from all that you've said about her has done all of that in spades -- e.g. her thoughtfulness around attending your wedding?

It's very easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment / emotional intensity and promise all kinds of crap to people that we're only vaguely aware of and have little or no idea what it would take for us to fulfill, let alone the impact on the other person. It's also a cheap and easy way to "bond" while also allowing us to feel good about ourselves but ultimately it doesn't respect the integrity of the relationship or the other person -- that's why I'm really wary of people in therapy-like professions using mostly or entirely emotion (to the exclusion of other skill-sets) to do their job.

But, again, from everything you've said about your T, it sounds like she's more than aware of this minefield unlike BT ever was?

P.S. For what it's worth, I've spent the last 5 days mostly in bed, moping and feeling rather sorry for myself -- it's been kinda awesome.

Your eagle has stripes for 48 states.

Maybe this is when you stop fighting and start healing?

sometimes i have to take a PRN before i see my T or i will just go inthere and accuse him of bad things the whole time and it will go terribly, haha

worked 7 30 to 4 30

feeling okay i guess

its about that time for my PMS to come raging back

Thanks for this.

Yes, my T is VERY aware both of her own limitations and how much care and respect our relationship requires. It would be hard for me to.imagine her dping anything like what BT did. On the other hand, she is BT's friend and imo is being a little too "let's not condemn anyone. Let's be fair to every body" about BTs actions.

I know, because she shared it with me, that BTs dad was abusive emotionally. At times I have questioned how much she had actually worked through since she still interacts very closely with her parents and finds it very difficult.
I know she follows And adores some kind of spiritual teacher ( new agey) who is her dad's age and goes to pretty much every workshop the guy has.

My T is all "it's hard for empaths to not get overly involved and BT is an empath"
Well, so am I but I would not just bail on someone.

So maybe BT does have a lot of issues she has not dealt with and is just blaming me for her own inability to properly negotiate boundaries.

Exactly -- the above without the maybe.

ETA: As for your T's sympathy for BT, here's what I would do (caveat -- I really am an arsehole about these things) -- ask T "Do I now need to worry that you would do what BT did i.e., bait and switch? And, that too to someone like me with my history? If no, why do you think BT's behavior is okay and needs my empathy?".

On an amusing note , yesterday we visited my friend who is rv camping at a local lake with a big campground. I grew up more backcountry/tent camping. If i was "camping " I expected not to see many people and to be using a pit toilet. I've backpacked my whole adult life and actually never been to an rv campground til yesterday in my whole life.

It was insane. Paved walkways. Hundreds of people. Showers. Vending machines. I said "who would want to camp like this???"

My wife and friend, both of whom grew up rv camping replied "for kids its great !! " and both talked about how many other kids they met camping in their youth....

I looked at them in horror. I did not WANT to meet other kids as a a kid
I possibly wanted to meet the other kids DOGS. But not the kids themselves.
Glad we went backcountry camping where it was just me and the beaver and bears and stuff!!!

Random weird health question -- is anyone utterly exhausted right after eating (anything and anytime and even just a bit -- healthy / non-healthy, protein / carbs / sugar)?

I've been feeling so completely exhausted that it's been hard to just remain upright?

I'm okay after a while but then I get hungry at some point and the cycle starts again.

It could be a blood sugar thing but it could be a lot of other things tooBest thing see your doctor

I feel like bailing on my t today . My hearing has gone funny, when I an really anxious it sounds like I have my fingers in ears. I can only hear low sounds and everything is muffled.

At least my ex is paying me back by doing some superficial work on my car. But now his leg is really swollen. I have spent the past day constantly repeating that he is an adult and can look after himself

I had more dreams about my t last night. Does it really mean something?

I dreamt my kids and I broke into his office and swam in his pool and slept in his bedroom. Wtf? I suppose everyone should have a pool in their office

Happy birthday to Art

How often are you eating? If it's far between then your body is sapping your energy to your stomach to digest the food quickly

My little dog is just sitting watching the sparrows steal his kibble

Yeah, my eating schedule seriously sucks.

Thanks so much.....can't believe I didn't think of it

I will apologise in advance for spamming the couch. I will be angsting here til 1:30 pm my time

BCM spam away! I agree every office should have a pool!

have you ever had Spam?

My mom had a cat that did that, watched while the birds ate his food.

I haven't had it in years but as a kid we would cook spam over campfires on sticks and it was awesome

Yes when I was a kid. It is disgusting. It doesn't really taste of anything and the texture is weird. Probably why I weird food phobias today