[zoiecat]

I am struggling to understand some things and hope that maybe others can help me out. I noticed on these boards that many people have been in therapy for many many years sometimes with the same therapist and yet continue to have extreme symptoms of whatever their problem is. I guess I wonder a few things.

1. How long do you expect or want to stay in therapy?
2. Do you think you've actually improved after spending so long with your therapist?
3. At what point do you think maybe you should switch therapists or end therapy if you haven't made any improvements?
4. For those that continue on for years and years and don't see any Improvement what is the point especially with the financial burden?

I guess I'm just trying to understand other people's purposes and desires with therapy. I am dealing with over 20 years of all kinds of abuse and I have had severe major depression for most of my life I've seen some therapist in the past but never for more than a couple months. this last time I've been in therapy for a little over 7 months now which started only because of difficulty driving after a car major accident. Since starting therapy this time I finally realized for the first time ever what I have is called severe major depressive disorder I've always known about my suicidal tendencies that's no surprise I've learned that I also have PTSD from childhood and early adult abuse and I have DID. if I'm being honest with myself and per my discussion with my therapist it's going to take years for me to fully recover. My personal goal is to be done with therapy within 3 years tops but I would end it at the end of this year if I could. My therapist is a trauma specialist and I trust his skills immensely. We get along great and he is helping me. Although I would love to get better to the point of no longer having flashbacks and horrible thoughts and living a normal life being able to find a significant other who cares for me so I can spend the rest of my life with them I just can't see financially spending all of that money to be in therapy as long as I probably would need. So I'm just curious that's the other's thoughts on their own journey through healing.

[toomanycats]

1. How long do you expect or want to stay in therapy?
For only as long as it is improving my life. I feel like I will know when it is time. I have been in and out of therapy throughout my life with years-long breaks in between therapists until the last few years.

2. Do you think you've actually improved after spending so long with your therapist?
It's hard for me to really answer this since I am coming out of a non-ethical therapeutic relationship. But, yes, I have improved.

3. At what point do you think maybe you should switch therapist if you haven't made any improvements?
When you feel that's what you need to do.

4. At what point do you expect to end therapy especially if you haven't made any improvements?
When you feel that's the right course of action.

[alaralyn245]

1. I started three years ago (this month) and I had no idea what to anticipate. I thought the expectation was a few months to help with the anxiety and then send me on my way. Well. Therapy has ended up being like exploratory surgery for me - and finding a ton to deal with while also changing a lot about my life. I personally expect I will remain in therapy and in this particular therapeutic relationship for some time yet.

2. From an objective perspective, at this point I may look "worse", but therapy for me has been necessary through a lot of the changes I've made in my life (divorce, school, etc).

3. I think this is highly individual. I don't think you can measure it in objective numbers for every person. If my marriage had been good, I think I would have expected to see improvement a lot sooner. But it wasn't good and I suffered additional trauma (rape) after entering therapy.

4. Again, I think this is highly individual. Therapy for me has been a lifeline and aid in getting through a lot of things I have wanted and needed to do for a long time. So objectively there isn't a lot of symptom improvement (though I have learned a lot), but I am in the process (long, long process) of making a lot of changes and improvement in my overall life that I hope will pay off. It's been about changing the entire course of my life, and I've learned I can't put time limit on that (although I want to!)

If I was seeing the same person all the time with no improvement and my life was "normal" and without signifiant trauma, I would question either the benefit of the therapy or the place of my life. I do think this is different for significant trauma, especially complex childhood trauma. It is so hard to trust and I don't think there is a straight line that you can draw to recovery. It took me three months before I even began talking to my therapist (like I went in week after week and just sat there and said nothing).

[growlycat]

I have been in therapy for years but with various therapists. The current one for a year. Mostly I have only switched because of job moves out of state.

My last three have been very very helpful. In my youth I was actively suicidal most of the time. The change is pretty substantial. I feel like there are always things to work on. To me it is like a mental version of going to the gym You don't just go and then never go back. But that is me.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I've seen several Ts in my life. Only a few have been really helpful.

I've been with current T for 28 months. We started out weekly for 15 months, then went every other week for 9 months. Now were at once every 4 weeks. My T doesn't believe in long-term therapy with the same T past 2 years. She feels that if you haven't improved to the point of at least reducing sessions, that T isn't really helping you.

I will see my T until she retires, dies, or moves (whichever comes first). She's in her late thirties, so she won't be retiring any time soon. Even though I'll see her long-term, our goal is for me to have sessions only when necessary; not consistently. Right now we're doing consistently because of my attachment and fear of abandonment, but we are tapering down. Our next step is once every 5 weeks which will be happening probably by the end of this year.

I have seen improvement with current T. My depression has lessened, my response to stressors isn't as extreme, I'm using my coping skills more, there are less crises, I haven't SI'ed in over 2 years, I'm going out of the house more, I'm keeping up with my hygiene and chores, I need less out of session contact, and I'm coping fairly well with tapering down sessions. I still have stuff to work on, but it's up to me to put in the work. My T is just there as a support now.

[NP_Complete]

I've been seeing my therapist for a little over a year now. He's the only one I've ever seen. I'm dealing with a 27-year abusive marriage. He has told me that it will take a long time to heal from what has happened to me. I agree with him. The things my husband has said to me over the years are deeply ingrained. Since I started therapy, I've gotten worse, but the abuse was escalating during that period so I think that makes sense. I became majorly depressed and suicidal once I started labeling what was going on as abuse. I plan to stick it out as long as it takes with this therapist. I've already got a relationship with him and don't see the need to try to create a new one from scratch. He knows what abuse was happening in my life because I came in every week and told him about it. I think that is invaluable at this point. I suspect that I will know when it's time to stop therapy.

[MrsDuckL]

Such an interesting question. I've been with my current therapist for 11 weekly sessions now. Prior to this, I had 5 weekly sessions with a terrible previous therapist who abruptly dumped all his clients. So I don't have a ton of experience with therapy overall. I know that it will take a long time to resolve all my feelings regarding my childhood abuse that I'm dealing with now, decades later. I'm fortunate my insurance covers my sessions at 100% with no limit, so I'm no particular rush. But I *probably* couldn't see myself being in therapy much longer than a year. But I don't know, I feel like the longer I dig, the more issues come up.

[SoupDragon]

1. How long do you expect or want to stay in therapy?
I expected to stay in therapy for 6-12 weeks. It has now been 7 years.

2. Do you think you've actually improved after spending so long with your therapist?
Yes I do. It took about 5 years to have any sustained improvement, but now I know I am better able to cope with life.

3. At what point do you think maybe you should switch therapists or end therapy if you haven't made any improvements?
I think this is a hard question. I thought about quitting many times as I thought I wasn't improving. I underestimated how long it takes to make a marked improvement.

I would switch therapists if I felt my T wasn't on the same page as me.

4. For those that continue on for years and years and don't see any Improvement what is the point especially with the financial burden?
There is a financial burden. But the same could be said about eating food. I spend less on T than I do on food. So food supports my physical health and T my psychological health.

[FairyLeaf]

1. How long do you expect or want to stay in therapy?
I don't have an answer. I was told by my counselor my treatment for what I have gone through, typically takes, 9 years. I am unsure if I will be in counseling for 9 years or more.

2. Do you think you've actually improved after spending so long with your therapist?
I have been in counseling for almost four years now. I hit a break through last early spring, then it all crumbled when something really bad happened to me, ever since, I've been "unreachable" at times during sessions where I sit there not saying much or I ramble on and on. At this point, the last year and a half, has been on standstill. I have made small improvements then. Some that my counselor says I am making but to me, I don't feel that way.

3. At what point do you think maybe you should switch therapists or end therapy if you haven't made any improvements?
I thought about walking away before, before the agency asked me because I didn't want to get hurt. Instead, they seem to not set an amount of sessions for me, but that can change. I don't want to leave or quit counseling. I've had bad counselors in the past and my current one of four years is by far the only one who I like.

4. For those that continue on for years and years and don't see any Improvement what is the point especially with the financial burden?
My counseling is paid for, so I don't pay anything. It is, free.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by zoiecat

I am struggling to understand some things and hope that maybe others can help me out. I noticed on these boards that many people have been in therapy for many many years sometimes with the same therapist and yet continue to have extreme symptoms of whatever their problem is. I guess I wonder a few things.

1. How long do you expect or want to stay in therapy?
2. Do you think you've actually improved after spending so long with your therapist?
3. At what point do you think maybe you should switch therapists or end therapy if you haven't made any improvements?
4. For those that continue on for years and years and don't see any Improvement what is the point especially with the financial burden?

I guess I'm just trying to understand other people's purposes and desires with therapy. I am dealing with over 20 years of all kinds of abuse and I have had severe major depression for most of my life I've seen some therapist in the past but never for more than a couple months. this last time I've been in therapy for a little over 7 months now which started only because of difficulty driving after a car major accident. Since starting therapy this time I finally realized for the first time ever what I have is called severe major depressive disorder I've always known about my suicidal tendencies that's no surprise I've learned that I also have PTSD from childhood and early adult abuse and I have DID. if I'm being honest with myself and per my discussion with my therapist it's going to take years for me to fully recover. My personal goal is to be done with therapy within 3 years tops but I would end it at the end of this year if I could. My therapist is a trauma specialist and I trust his skills immensely. We get along great and he is helping me. Although I would love to get better to the point of no longer having flashbacks and horrible thoughts and living a normal life being able to find a significant other who cares for me so I can spend the rest of my life with them I just can't see financially spending all of that money to be in therapy as long as I probably would need. So I'm just curious that's the other's thoughts on their own journey through healing.

Hi Zoiecat, I relate a lot to your post here because I started therapy at the beginning of this year and was also diagnosed with DID. The psychiatrist who diagnosed me said I would need several years of therapy ideally twice a week at least, and it could take five years or even more. I've been in therapy for eight months now and I know we have barely even scratched the surface so far. It scares me.
I have a long history of severe abuse too and I know I lack a lot of life skills, I have a lot to learn and work through. i want to do as much work as I can in therapy to make my life the best it can be. So I guess it will take as long as it takes for me. I have similar goals to you I think. I still have very bad flashbacks a lot and a ton of ptsd symptoms. There is a long way to go.

[Lemoncake]

1. How long do you expect or want to stay in therapy?

I think I would need a minimum of 3 years, I'm close to almost a year in January. There is no way I can finish school without him. It took me 25 years to have a complete breakdown, to the point where I was actively suicidal. I've got a history of childhood trauma and abuse so I think it would take time to iron out all those creases.

2. Do you think you've actually improved after spending so long with your therapist?

Emotionally I still feel as volatile as when I first started but I know I have changed in small ways because of him.I'm not the same me that started. He pointed out things that I couldn't see. I stopped bending over backwards for old friends who weren't wiling to meet my halfway and I started learning to put myself first.

3. At what point do you think maybe you should switch therapists or end therapy if you haven't made any improvements?

If there are ethical violations. Switch after maybe 5-6 sessions if you know you aren't getting along with the therapist.

4. For those that continue on for years and years and don't see any
Improvement what is the point especially with the financial burden?

It is expensive because it all adds up but at the moment it's something I need not just a designer handbag.

[feileacan]

1. How long do you expect or want to stay in therapy.

I've seen my T for 4 years, mostly 4 times per week. For quite a while I thought that I probably need to see him until the end of my life (or his - because he is much older than me, I thought it during the time when I was very obsessed by him and therapy). Now I'm quite certain that I finish at some point - probably somewhere after 5-10 more years.

2. Do you think you've actually improved after spending so long with your therapist?

Yes, absolutely. I've uncovered my trauma an I have been able to make some sense of it. But there's still a lot to do.

3. At what point do you think maybe you should switch therapists or end therapy if you haven't made any improvements?

Somehow this question doesn't make much sense to me. According to my understanding improvements in therapy come through the relationship with the therapist. If the relationship grows and deepens then the improvement are bound to come (assuming that the T still knows what he's doing and is not just playing a payed friend). So, the only reason I would switch therapists would be when I don't think there is any hope I could connect to the T and I don't see that he is committed to establishing a relationship with me.

4. For those that continue on for years and years and don't see any improvement what is the point especially with the financial burden?

I've had quite long periods in therapy that have looked like an impasse and where I've have basically only negative feelings to my T. I can't say that it lasted for years, but I think it lasted about a year. Quite obviously I didn't see any improvements during that period, which at the same time doesn't mean that there weren't any improvements, but I just absolutely did not want to see them because that would have meant that my T was somewhat useful, which I would have hated to admit at that point.

So, again, this question doesn't make much sense to me. It all boils down to the relationship. If there is no relationship and I can't see the T working towards one then I guess it would take me very short time to decide that this therapy is pointless. However, it there is some relationship (even perhaps negative at the time being) but I can see the T trying to actively look for the meanings of that then some part of me knows that important work is still going on and there are good reasons to keep going.

Hmm. What an interesting set of questions.

1. How long do you expect or want to stay in therapy?
I don't know that I had an expectation as to how long I'd be in therapy. A few months, maybe?

2. Do you think you've actually improved after spending so long with your therapist?
I think I'm on the low end of the spectrum as far as how long I've been working with my therapist. 10 months? But yes, I can see there are marked improvements in my life since starting in therapy.

3. At what point do you think maybe you should switch therapists or end therapy if you haven't made any improvements?
I'll be finding a new therapist at the beginning of 2018. This is not by choice but will probably be in my best interest.

4. For those that continue on for years and years and don't see any Improvement what is the point especially with the financial burden?
I will probably be in therapy with whom ever I choose next for a long time. I wouldn't continue to see the same therapist if I didn't see continued improvement though. Thankfully therapy isn't a huge financial burden for me, so long as I see someone in network with my insurance company.

[kecanoe]

I have DID, along with mixed personality disorder. It took 4 years of therapy for me to tell pdoc what was really going on. Up to that point, I was being treated for anxiety, treatment resistant depression, SI.

I was told that it takes an average of 7 years of therapy from time of diagnosis for people with DID. It's been six years since I was diagnosed, so I figure probably a couple more years.

I have improved-but there were long stretches where I didn't see/feel improvement. I am no longer depressed. I'm starting to reach out to people, to take (emotional) risks. I am off most of the meds that I was taking to control SI.

I have switched therapists-but not by choice. But actually the switch has been a good one. I think with DID, you can expect ups and downs in terms of improvement, at least that has been the case for me. I think switching ts to someone who does body/brain stuff (EMDR, SE, Brain spotting) makes sense if regular talk therapy isn't working.

For me, stopping therapy probably means suicide. I don't have that safely under control yet. I have control of it for longer and longer periods, but it can still come rushing back in. I also have some glimpses now of what life could be like if I were better integrated. For years, the point of my therapy was so that I would not hurt my family by committing suicide, even though I wasn't actually improving.

[zoiecat]

@kecanoe thanks for the insight I see a lot of my issues in your response. I guess my problem is that I am not concerned about my SI issues although my therapist is very concerned. So that would not be a reason for me to continue therapy. I also want to get off my meds as soon as possible hopefully within 6 months. I guess I just don't like the need to need other people or to need others help which is why I question my staying in therapy so long. Personally I don't feel like I've made any progress because since I've started more new crap keeps falling out of the woodwork every time I turn around although my therapist talks about how much I am improving and getting better and that's why my alters are sharing their memories now and he says I'm starting to get more comfortable with my feelings and emotions although it doesn't feel that way to me either. I asked my therapist a couple months ago his opinion on how long it would take to make me half way normal again provided no new skeletons fell out of the closet he said at that point no more than 5 years however he knows there's going to be more skeletons that fall out of the closet. I knew the answer to that before I asked but I just wanted to hear it from him. So I'm looking at a minimum of five years. I know that if I continue my life will be better but I I guess I just want to get on with my life instead of constantly working and thinking about therapy and past abuse issues. I don't know I'm just so confused it's a struggle.