Couch 153: Couch slouch

thanks. i managed to get some sleep last night, nad feel better today. my throat is raw, my voice half gone, and my insides feel like they've been kicked around a bunch. i took the day off work even though i don't have enough time off.

i still haven't passed the stone My doctor is in surgery, but i hopefully will talk to him later about it and see what he thinks.

Ugh, I'm sorry. Could he maybe call you if he has a cancellation? I've had T1 do that for me before.

Had a tough session yesterday that I followed up with an email. My t was leaving for a long weekend and wanted to discuss the email with a phone call which got really emotional for me when he threatened to take away email from me. I wasn't aware he was planning to call me because I fell asleep and only woke up when he rang. I was caught completely off guard by the call. I'm feeling really shaken by this. I want to retreat completely from him right now. I feel like I've opened up way too much to him lately. I've got so much other stuff going on right now, I really didn't need this too. Our next appointment is Monday and I have no clue how I'm going to handle it.

I'm sorry NP. I just don't get it why t's threaten to change boundaries like that. Hugs

I'm really sorry that your therapist reacted like he did. I would also be devestated if I had a reaction like this. However, it does sound a bit like you triggered something in him & he reacted? To threaten to stop email contact over the phone is incredibly insensitive of him, especially as you have made yourself so vulnerable to him lately. I would definitely talk to him about it on Monday. He sounds like he's pulling rank on you. Changing a boundary like that over the phone is very unprofessional of him. Try not to worry to much about it over the weekend (I know that's easier said than done)

He seems to think we're doing too much therapy in email. I send him emails when I get to the point that I can't stop crying. I sent one Tuesday and asked him if he would respond to me. He doesn't usually respond. In our session, he said he was worried I would get hurt if he can't respond so I told him I wouldn't ask for a response anymore. I think I've only asked for a response a few times before this one. Then I screwed up and sent this email after the session because I was unreasonably upset again and I needed to send my thoughts. I didn't ask for a response but I didn't say "no response required", which maybe I should have. I guess I thought we could discuss the email at our next session but he wanted to call me that evening. I can feel myself frantically building walls to contain all the emotions that I have been allowing myself to feel and express to him lately. I feel like such a fool for letting anyone see my pain. I hope I can figure this out before Monday. I know we're going to have to talk about the email stuff then. It's just too much right now. People are coming Monday to pack up my belongings and I have to move into a hotel for a month. I can't deal with that and therapy relationship issues too.

Thank you . Today's session was mainly just me crying. I had so much going on in my head but I couldn't find the words to talk. I felt like I was 4. R gave me me space, waiting until I was ready even if that was more than half the session. It was odd to just be there with him, but I liked it. It was calming and comforting. My mother doesn't understand therapy at all and wants me to cut down to once a month, I'm barely coping with 2 sessions a weeks.I fear I'm just going to end up very suicidal if I stop. Therapy keeps me in check. It took me 25 years of denying my feelings to reach the point that I did. I won't be able to cope with school without it.I have savings so won't talk about it anymore. I wish they were more supportive.

I wonder if maybe he'd rather do phone calls than e-mails with you when you're feeling that upset? And if he'd be willing to do that? I hope he doesn't take away e-mail though, especially when you're in this bad of a place...

That is a great idea, but I think I feel too needy to ask since I already got rejected for the appointment. Something happened that made me want an extra session, but I didn't mention it in my email. Maybe I just need to email back and tell him what happened and ask for feedback on it. We've never had a conversation over email besides scheduling matters though so I don't know if he does that! I also don't know how to put it into words

On another note, I read about your session with your new t and I'm glad that it went well! I hope you guys continue to work well together. Sometimes getting that new perspective can really help

((Velcro)) ((NP)) ((Cake))

Munie - re: The Handmaid's Tale, I haven't watched the TV program because I found the book incredibly upsetting... I do know that my partner couldn't even stomach a full episode of it, and described a scene of sexual violence that was too much for him.

Okay... I might stomach it but probably not in the most stable place to watch it then

Daily dosage of cuteness

Your friend is beautiful, Munie....what's their name?

She's called Mala :-)

Might be good to mention it over e-mail, though he may want to wait to discuss it in session. At least you can get it out by sending it though (and then he'd understand why you wanted the extra session, too.)

Thanks, Summer!

Thanks LT! I emailed the details. I'm really hoping he replies because it is somewhat of a crisis situation I think!

Leaving T feels like grieving a death. I feel so lost

Is anyone willing and available for me to pm? Having a tough situation right now and my T is not responding:/

Trigger warning that the topic does involve abuse(not details)

Another couch puppy yay!

We have just put in a huge tv screen at a local venue jUST because our football team is in the G rand Final. What a waste. People can gather in small groups and celebrate this. I hope it's not permanent like the one n the city centre

I am so irritable I don't know what's going on.

I dreamed I was in the house from my recurring dream but I was upstairs in some of the rooms opening curtains and wardrobes, but some curtains wouldn't open nor some wardrobes. There was also a hairdresser in my dream who didn't care about my bad haircut, I was upset about that.

((DNA))

Yes, it's very much like that.

you can PM me

Hello, couch. Hugs to all who want or need. I'm not really available, though. I'm just depressed and isolating myself from everyone. Including online. I just...I feel like such a burden to everyone. I know my problems don't compare to others'. Nor do I feel like I'm important enough to have others worry about me.

That sounded like a pity party or attention seeking. I didn't mean it to. Sorry.