How weird would it be if I brought my therapist flowers?

I've been thinking about bringing my therapist flowers next time I see him. How weird would that be?

On a scale of 1 to 10:
1 = don't worry, it's totally normal. Everyone brings their therapist flowers. I can't believe you haven't done it already!
10 = what's wrong with you? It's totally inappropriate to give your therapist flowers. Only weirdos and crazy people do that!

I've been thinking about bringing my therapist flowers for a while now. Every time I walk by a flower stand I look at the flowers and think about which ones I'd get him. Finally, I thought to myself--if you want to give him flowers, just do it. There's no time like the present!

5-6.

It depends on your particular therapist's boundaries.

If you do bring them, you should be prepared for him to not accept them. I would offer them by saying "I'm not sure of your rules about gift giving, so I completely understand if you cannot accept these, but I saw them and thought of you, and I was hoping to give them to you." Again, be fully prepared to hear "I'm sorry, but I can't accept them."

My T has a strict no-gifting policy (except for "things with minimal monetary value" e.g., a card - I imagine a card would be ok...not even sure.)

I personally find such stuff a 10. I would never do it. I can't imagine I would ever have an urge to do it. I do not understand the urge by others to do it.

But people do take stuff to a therapist all the time - so outside of me - around a 5.

Definitely no, he gets quite enough in ways of payment from me already Thank You.
But I am sure people do that, usually in response to some exceptional above and beyond kind of situation.
Dunno,do what you want but be prepared to be k.b'd.

Does he like flowers? Do you know his favorite? If yes, 2. If no... Maybe 5.

I find it ridiculous someone would not accept flowers. Or cards or such. I say 2. Probably not the most common thing but I see they are a bit like a card. Go for it if your heart says so.

I'd put it at like a 7. It seems overly personal to me somehow, maybe because giving somebody flowers can have romantic connotations. I would be more likely to tell my therapist about the urge to buy flowers, rather than actually surprising her with some. But then I don't have a lot of gift-givey urges toward her in general, so I don't know. I would likely feel differently if they were flowers you had grown yourself (putting that at like a 3).

You should just do it to see your therapists face

I have given my T a Christmas present (~$20 value), a move to private practice card, and a book I picked up at thrift shop(just cuz), oh and a milkshake. She has accepted all of them. I've seen other things that I thought she'd like or would like to get for her but felt they were too expensive or something. I tend to kick myself afterwards when I do buy something for her.

So, if you want to, do so... and yeah if you have not talked about it with your T, be prepared for the full range of responses.

Oh and we've never talked about the why or urges around my gift giving.

I give it a 2-3 on the meter

See, I think of it like an 8 or 9, but I've never given T or MC any sort of gift. MC once said, when H offered him an extra copy of a DVD he'd gotten for Christmas, that he can't accept gifts. And I have had people reject flowers before (an ex said I should have gotten him chocolate instead...)

I'm gonna go 8/9 on that too! I think my T would be shocked, embarrassed and probably in the nicest possible way refuse them.

That's an unusual urge..I know people often want and to bring stuff to their therapists, but this is the first time I hear someone wanting to bring flowers.

I am not going to measure this on the scale, as the measurement criteria doesn't makes sense to me. All I can say is that it is NOT inappropriate. Flowers or other symbolic gifts aren't something that could compromise the professional nature of the relationship with the therapist. So, if you want to do it you certainly may. Just keep in mind, as others have mentioned, that there is a possibility that your therapist may not accept them depending on how he defines professional boundaries. I personally would accept flowers from a client without hesitation because, as I said, this is not the kind of a gift that could "corrupt" a therapist, but I'd, probably, want to know what was behind the urge to bring them. I wouldn't be curious about it if it was a card, homemade cookies or a handmade item. But flowers have a bit of a different flavor symbolically So, may be your therapist would want to explore it as well..Just some thoughts..

I think flowers have a cultural significance as being for lovers or mothers, and might send a message or have effects you don't intend. So I'd avoid it.

Maybe a plant instead?

Surely you meant to specify a cactus (or cacti)?

ETA: OP -- sorry, to answer your question, I don't find it weirder to offer a therapist flowers versus anything else. I may be missing the cultural context here but I liken it to say folks (okay, me) bringing flowers when they're invited to family dinners and the like.

That said, if your therapist is the sort to get weirded out about anything outside the usual norms of therapy, then be prepared. If he is generally a go-with-the-flow kinda person, then what the heck, go for it and see what happens?

P.S. I haven't offered any of my therapists anything -- I cringe at the thought of paying them all the $$$ as it is and so, I haven't had it in me to even consider offering anything else (plus, none of them have done anything remotely above and beyond their normal call of duty and nor do I feel like I have a spectacularly special enough relationship with them to merit the extra stuff).

I'm not going to lie, I find it pretty strange. Not the urge to offer something to your therapist, but the fact that you want to give him flowers. As others pointed out, flowers have a romantic connotation. So it wouldn't surprise me if your therapist refused your gift. All that being said, I think it's pretty cool when women offer men flowers, outside of a therapeutic context!

i guess it depends on your reasoning. What is the significance of choosing flowers to gift him with?

I sent my ex-t flowers when she received her PhD. We were in an inappropriate relationship though. Under normal therapy circumstances, I personally would not choose flowers as a gift for my t. Flowers, to me, are too personal. I see them as gifts for friends, family, and lovers.

Would they be bought flowers or some that you picked.

I think if it's what you really want to do,then do it,if your therapist knows you well enough to know that it's a 'you' kind of thing to do and you're sure he wouldn't read more into it or anything.And if you think he's the flower type of person,since most men aren't really into flowers, and if he has a wife,if you're sure she would be ok with it and wouldn't read more into it,and...

Nevermind,on second thought,maybe flowers wouldn't be such a good idea afterall.Maybe 'A' flower,but not 'flowers' if you just need to satisfy your urge.

Btw,what is this urge stemming from?Is it just to show your gratitude or appreciation?Just as an expression of who you are and what you like or do you think it's something he might like?

10- but I don't think there's anything wrong with you to want to do that, I just think it's super inappropriate, given the service they provide.

3-6. It does depend on ts boundaries. I used to send long term t a plant of some kind every holiday season. He collected bonsais (sp) but I would occasionally send him something offbeat like an orchid.

Yeah. I think you need to think long and hard about what is behind this urge. The fact that you've thought about doing it for a awhile, that it's not a spontaneous impulse, would suggest it's message-driven: so what's the message?

And I think gender does play a role because of cultural associations surrounding gift-giving. Flowers, especially purchased ones, aren't values-neutral. Different flowers even have traditional emotional connotations. And cut flowers are viewed as more precious than a plant. Gifts between women are culturally more casual than between a man and a woman.

Bringing him a coffee, if he drinks coffee, and you also have one for yourself, would read to me as a spontaneous gesture of generosity and affiliation. A sample of something you'd just baked would be the same. I think a test of whether it's emotionally charged or not is to ask yourself whether you would bring flowers to anyone else you see on a regular basis: teacher, hair stylist, CS rep, etc. If the answer is "no," then maybe talk with him about the urge rather than take the action.

I don't think it would be weird, but it really depends on your therapist's boundaries.

I think mine might accept flowers I picked from my yard, but I'd be unsure about flowers I purchased. If I did bring flowers (or tomatoes--I thought about bringing some when my garden was overflowing with cherry tomatoes!), I'd probably let her know that if she was uncomfortable accepting them, they would grace my own table, so no awkwardness.

I have given my T gifts but they were always related to our therapy together and were more symbolic of what we were working on rather than having any personal significance.

I wish I could give examples but they're too personal(for me) to share.

Thank you, everyone, for responding! I'm going to try to answer your questions.

Picked flowers or bought flowers?

Bought.

Why flowers?

Cut flowers are sort of a poetic metaphor for the therapeutic relationship--so circumscribed in their existence and transient by nature.

I don't care much about cultural connotations. I would hope my therapist doesn't either, or I'd be very disappointed in him.

But, really, WHY flowers?

Okay, okay, the real reason this became a thing (not that the above reason isn't real--it's just a post hoc justification) is that I have persistent morbid fantasies of visiting my therapist in the hospital and bringing him flowers. Sometimes the fantasy is going to his funeral and placing a flower in his coffin or tossing one into the grave.

Eventually I decided that if I want so badly to give him flowers, I should just do it now. Maybe if I just bought him some flowers I would stop having these fantasies. (Yeah, good luck with that, I know...)

Does my therapist like flowers?

I don't know if he likes flowers, but I've seen flowers in his office. I don't know if they're from another patient.

Why not get him something else?

I would love to make him a handmade item, but I'm bad at arts and crafts. I can bake delicious oatmeal raisin cookies, but cookies are so unhealthy.

If I grew tomatoes or other vegetables, I'd probably bring him some, but I don't.

Plants--well, I don't want to give him anything he has to maintain. A couple times a year, he goes out of town for weeks at a time, and I don't think a plant would survive that long without anyone to water it. Also, what if he hated the plant? Would he feel obligated to keep it in his office so as to not hurt my feelings? Cacti and succulents require less maintenance, but I don't really like them much.

I gave him a book once, but it wasn't so much a gift as extra work I wanted him to do.

What's the MESSAGE you're trying to send?

The nice, happy message: These flowers are pretty. I love you. Have some flowers.

The dark, morbid message: Let me give you some flowers to remind you of life's impermanence. I keep thinking you're going to die. These flowers are going to die too. In fact, they're more or less already dead.

It sounds like you've made up your mind that you really want to do this, so maybe it doesn't matter what others think. I have only seen flowers in my therapist's office twice in 3 years. One was clearly from a significant other and the other was from "someone" (her word) who had grown them. I understood the "someone" to be another client but I can't know. I do think bought flowers assume a certain intimacy that is outside of the therapy relationship. Picked flowers, less so.