Individual T in Group Setting -- Feedback needed

Hi All,
I have visited with my T individually for 3 years now. Recently, I joined a DBT group that she and another T run. Here's my dilemma:

When I saw T doing her T thing with someone else in the group, something in me died. I can't describe it. I know that some illusion I had been carrying just crumbled. In the individual setting, she did her T thing with only me. I realize she makes a living doing the very same thing with many other people. When I say T thing I mean active listening, paying close attention, etc.

Is is the illusion that she cared about me that died? That I was somehow special? And I know I no longer am -- that I'm just one of the "many?" Jeez, I feel like such a child. Frickety, frack, fruck! This is just a big pile of horse manure!

Please provide me your viewpoints. Come one, come all.
Thanks,
Okie

Okie, I totally understand what you are saying. In fact, I think you are very brave to join a group in which your T is the facillitator.

Just so that you know you are not alone, I will tell you that I have carried a fantasy since I started seeing my T, that he has no other clients. The thought of him interacting with anyone the way he does with me (especially if it is a female) is painful. Two sessions ago he mentioned another client for the first time ever. He told about a client who is a child, that he bought colored pencils for (the story was actually relevant to a dream I had that I had been telling T about). Inside I was thinking, "Who is this damn kid???" I didn't tell T about it and I felt like such a baby. Not only does he have another client but sometimes I want to be a child in Ts office. And this kid gets to be a child in Ts office.

It must have been really hard to see your T doing her T thing with other in the group. But the fact that she cares about you is not an illusion. It's real. And you still are special to her even though it is hard for you to see that right now. Because none of her other clients are the exact same person as you-- so even though she see other individuals, she cares about you individually.

I completely empathize with you.

I never told my T my feelings in response to him telling me about his child client-- I felt like an idiot because it's like I can't maturely handle anything he tells me. All the guy was trying to do was tell me a story and inside, I couldn't handle it like an adult.

okie, that does sound like a hard situation. Did your T warn you of potential problems like this that might come up if you began group therapy with her? I think she must be aware of the feelings that the change in frame can bring up. Can you share your feelings with her? Maybe she could reassure you how much she still cares and give you a little extra attention in the group sessions at first to make it easier. There is also the possibility that you could do group therapy with another T so as to avoid this problem. I have done couples therapy also with my individual therapist and there are times when it is rough because of the other person there. In general, I have been curious and enjoyed watching my T "in action" with another person, trying to build a relationship. It gives me appreciation for and insight into how he works. However, there have a been a few times when I felt my T just didn't "get" what was going on with me and did "get" my husband. It was hard. T said to help with that he would give me extra connection at the next couples session to prevent my feelings of abandonment. (Although I am hoping there will be no next couples session.) So maybe your T can do something similar.

Hey (((((((((((Okie)))))))))))))))

... totally understand. I've been in 3 counselling groups (one per semester, so I started last September). With my (then) current T and a psychiatrist. Completely made me feel unimportant. And kinda awkward. Now I don't have the same T, but I'm seeing the psychiatrist (can't seem to catch a break... sigh, but I enjoy and find the group useful).

Don't know how to be useful, but I understand.

Okie, she doesn't just listen to you because it is her job, it's part of who she is; she's a good, active listener. Think about the things you have learned, whether in school or from life, the skills and aptitudes you have and use? I'm creative and think of lots of ideas and I'm a good Web researcher and find interesting links but I don't do it because I "can" but because I want to help individuals with their problems. When your T listens to you she's not listening to the other people, you are "special" then. But you aren't the only person in your T's life and never were. Think of your friends or coworkers you like and family members/cousins, etc. T's have them too just like we have T's, they have clients. But they're our coworkers more than our "friends".

Okie, I've had a few delusions crushed in the last few weeks. It hurts like hell at the time. But you know while we hold onto the illusion that we are special to T and we cannot bear to think of her with anyone else, inside we are resenting ourselfs for holding this fantasy, because with that comes the idea that if T is capable of being bias to us only, then maybe we may fall out of grace with her and we could be the one on the outside whilst she's finding someone else special.

What is real is that really we trust someone that we see being caring and genuine with all people, we may not feel that at the time but its those insights that build the real trust..

If we saw T being rejecting to someone else, we'd get an immediate feeling of how great that feels, but inside we'd die a little knowing this person we trust can be prejudice..

I'm still not quite there yet, but I know the right thought is knowing T cares about everyone she commits too...

((Okiedokie))

I have not done group so I don't know how this feels but I would think that you may feel like a child does when her mother has a new baby? Displaced somewhat? Don't worry, T still cares for you!!

Peace.

I know it is tough to imagine your T "doing her thing" with somebody else. But you are right--thats what she does for a living. It sounds like this might be something good to talk with her about. I have never seen my T in action with another client so, I can't really offer you much advice there...