Couch 156: The Clock Strikes...

I did, in fact, do this last week, but the antibiotics weren't working and things got bad real fast, and I went to urgent care and got the dead matter removed, plus new/different antibiotics. I think this is the first time in my life I have taken antibiotics, so of course it comes at a time in history when superbugs have outwitted the meds.

It's scary how fast something like this can take off. On the upside, I got very good care due to the location of the infection being so close to the brain.

MC surprised me by calling tonight around 9:30 in response to last night's "I'm not OK with things with you--can we talk?" text--figured would be tomorrow at earliest (particularly because he'd had to reschedule today's appointment). It was maybe a little awkward in the beginning, because I had trouble really expressing what was bothering me. And he seemed to be in stereotypical therapist mode at first, and I was worried the call might just make things worse. But then he seemed to switch over to his more understanding, compassionate side, and it got better. Got out some things I needed to get out, received some reassurance on a few things (like his being OK with me seeing T2--he even said he was "happy" I was seeing him), and am feeling better about things now. So, ultimately, a successful call, I think. And he confirmed us for Thursday morning (since he'd had to reschedule for today).

Though a little nervous to see T2 now on Wed. because MC said they talked Friday (I'd given MC permission to share info with T2, but not the other way around).

Yikes, hope the new ones work for you! Did they culture it to make sure it's not MRSA?

I'm somewhat similar there - I have 2 (maybe 3 if I ask for the 3rd one) more sessions before I'm taking a break from therapy. Because I think it would be healthy for me to 'do life' without t. And I know I can. But yeah I will miss the relationship. I will miss HER. And I get the idea that I can continue to go and it's maintenance and why shouldn't I if I want to but... at the same time... it was never supposed to be a lifelong commitment on my part and I can get along just fine without her. I've learned a ton and made many positive changes over the will-be-6-years next month. It's time. But I'm taking a break (instead of ending) because when I talk about terminating it seems like we always fight. Probably because I really don't want to lose her, I wish she and I could be friends, but know we can't, so I 'keep' her the only way I can by paying for the relationship. Which sucks to me. Because I have friends.

I think I am going to share that last bit when I go on Friday...

All of that was because I really don't have any answers for you or for myself but I sympathise.

So I said that I am having a hard time ending the relationship. That 6 years of him encouraging me to trust and rely on him to a certain extent- knowing that there is an ending is difficult to cut off.

We have talked about in the past the option of monthly check ins if I wanted. And that he would always be willing to see me again if I needed to. So, those are all reassuring a bit. It's just taking the initial steps that are scary!

I went to my gp and glad I did my blood pressure is throught the roof and she gave me some valium for the anxiety. She took me off my BP meds because my blood pressure was too low about 6 months ago.

I hope the valium helps

- rr... I hope you feel better soon

Two male colleagues complimented me on my shoes. They said they look very nice and it's uncommon to see a woman wear them but I wear them frequently with pants (guessed people don't stare at my feet! ) and I know nurses and other people who stand for long periods love them.

I don't understand why because they're just black loafers. Felt nice to be complimented though! Even though I feel puzzled! *blush*

Hey, you stayed up late, how are you today?
Nice shoes

I drank lots of coffee today haha! It's my CIO's last day of work so we gave him a card and gift.

Did he like it?

Can anyone play my consious really quick? I need advice on whether to do something or not...

Think he liked it. Sure, what's your dilemma?

Sure...
8

PMed you Thx

Marriage is a personal thing and customs differ. But in my marriage, we share our medical expenses.

I desperatly need a second monitor... Can anyone spare one?

Oh I didn't see that one at first, haha. I'm trying hard with English idioms but I mess them up, soooo... "wasn't screwed on" might be the correct versi

Honestly, I dunno. He thinks I'll get a taxpaying job "soon" then I'll be eligible for public healthcare and "problem solved". Wonder if it's a nightmare system like the NHS.

When we've discussed marriage, we've talked about pre nupitals so neither of us gets effed up financially if things don't work out.

Sigh, my parents expect me gone from the family home in a couple of years. I don't know how I'll survive because it seems I'm going to either:

1) pay extremely high rent prices in my home country, enjoy public healthcare here
2) move there, foot all my medical bills in private healthcare on my own

I love, love a second monitor! They're standard for IT in my workplace

I remember the exact moment i felt the difference of wearing loafers vs even a very low heel. The low heel only gave you a half inch diameter circle to land on, whereas the loafer heel is like 2 inches square. I felt so grounded and secure, i just thought, Omg, never again will i wear a heel!

Yesss! And I wear socks with them (can't wear socks with heels) to keep my feet warmer. Reduces the likelihood of getting excruciating foot cramps when I have to stand around in freezing rooms.

It seems so far that the downside of feeling better is only getting three hours of sleep for the fourth consecutive night. Ok. So I did a little 3am vacuuming, and repotted all the plants that took a jump off the windowsill in the storm we had Monday morning. I am so tired...

I wonder how the turkeys fared in all that wind but I guess they are nor'easter experts by now.

They did take a culture, but we are still waiting on the results. I think this second med is working, but hope to know more later today if there's something more targeted that will knock it out.

everyone.